ultimatedork 98 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 My cousin told me that since last month she has been trying to make plans with her friends to go to a new coffee shop, but one of them could never go, so the others protested that if one of them couldn't go, then they should postpone it because it was "everybody or nothing". Because of that story, she hasn't gone out with friends in a long time. She was hospitalized this week after fainting from a cold, and all she got was a text message from them asking how well she was. It turns out they went to the coffee shop she'd been insisting on going, even though she wasn't there (I guess they forgot about the everybody or nothing plan). She called me really stressed out, asking for advise, because she didn't know if she was exaggerating by being mad at her friends for doing that (not that the friends know about how she feels). I'm having friend problems of my own, and some OH users have helped me out in the posts, so I told her I'd ask you guys your opinion What should she do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdzPower 3,385 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Ok that is a very douchey thing for them to do tbh, I'd confront them because it was unfair of them to do that after they were the ones who wanted it to be everybody. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thatashyleo 926 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 hmm my friends are kinda like that too. If one of us can't go, we usually reschedule it to a date where all of us can go. I can see why your friend is upset. She's sick and her friends went to a place that she's been wanting to go to. I guess her friends could have waited until she feels better. At the same time, I'm sure they can always go back to the coffee place once she feels better. If one of my friends is out of town, we just continue meetups like normal and still continue them when the friend comes back. I'm sure there's a date in the future where everyone is available to go hang out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunny_ 1,308 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 I'd say she should talk to them about it, what they did was pretty mean (if they excluded her on purpose). But she shouldn't stress about it too much and overthink things, I'm sure she has enough things to be worried about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pluvio 280 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 It's not just about the cafe thing though. The fact that they didn't even bother to pay a visit to your cousin while she was in the hospital raises a bit of suspicion. I sense some underlying problem that's deeper than them ditching her. She should try and talk things over with her friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thatashyleo 926 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 It's not just about the cafe thing though. The fact that they didn't even bother to pay a visit to your friend while she was in the hospital raises a bit of suspicion. I sense some underlying problem that's deeper than them ditching her. She should try and talk things over with her friends. that too, I found that very weird. Why didn't they visit her in the hospital? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlight 1,108 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 I think I'd definitely be upset, I'd talk to them about it and ask them why they went without me if they wanted us all to go together. I'd let them tell their side of the story before explaining to them how it seemed to me and I'd definitely tell them that it had upset me. If they apologized and seemed sincere then I'd forgive them and maybe we could go to the coffee shop together next time. There was a time my friends and I accidentally left out one of our other friends and we felt really bad about it because it clearly made her sad, so I think it's important for your cousin to let them know how she felt and why it hurt her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suspense 141 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 So they're willing to wait for one friend, but not your cousin. Sounds like there's a lot of problems going on in that group of "friends" If it were me, I'd detach myself and fly solo or find a better group of friends. Not to mention all they did was text her while she was in the hospital. At least call or visit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sakura IS FEARLESS 192 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 I would be dissappointed too..so ur friend isnt exaggerating it...i really take promises n friendship valye seriously so if my friends ended up doing something like that i would do my annoyed face the next day...i think ur friend need to confront them n talk about that matter.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xiaoyuan 1,296 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Are they good enough to be given another chance? If she thinks they're worth it, she should try and forget or else she should move on with her life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maknae 347 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 I would be mad. Let's seriously though, that's kind of mean because it kind of seems like the waited for something to happen to her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StrifeRaider 4,103 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 sounds like they don't really care about her she would be better off finding better friends then that. Lives to short to ponder over those so called "friends" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tae 558 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 They would have gotten dropped in a heartbeat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sully 4,318 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 She has every right to be mad. That's a real ass thing to do to her. They were so insistent on everyone going or nothing the times she asked, but then they go ahead and go without her when she can't go. Why is it okay to go when she can't, but not okay when one of them can't. Did they even text her to ask her if she could go before they off and went anyways? Because it doesn't sound like they text her anything until after they had already went. She should bring it up to them all the ways that was a messed up thing to do. And maybe look for better friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
˹AS˼ 3,610 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 If I was your cousin, that would be a huge red flag. How is it that they didn't want to go when one specific friend couldn't make it, but when she can't go, they all go anyways. Seems very shady. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taemin 220 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 I'd be pretty pissed, tbh. Excluding her is a douchebag move to begin with, but considering she was the one who had been trying to make it happen and then they suddenly go without her, that's even more douchey. Sure they can always just go there with her another time, but they could've gone there another time with that friends who could never go aswell. They kept bailing on your cousin because they didn't want to exclude that friend who couldn't make it, but then they go ahead and go there without your cousin even though it was her idea.. Rude. Idk. Instantly dumping them seems a bit too much though. They might just have thought it wasn't really a big deal. I think your cousin should just talk to them about it and tell them that it upset her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S-line 89 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 She should find some new friends. Why does she care so much about them when they obviously don't give a f about her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragonseu 209 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 I think there might be another issue or something going on, like others have said it was HER idea so why leave her out and she was in the hospital they should have visited or something. Your cousin should either talk to them and find out whats really going on or atleast confront them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynnie 1,207 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 I would be pissed off. She needs new friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fufu 580 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 I think it's a bit much over a coffee shop. Like I would understand an amusement park or something, but coffee shops are sort of a dime a dozen. It is a bit douchey to leave her out, but then again if she hadn't kept in contact for a long time then they shouldn't be expected to just avoid that place forever until they reconcile. I think it's sort of a case of each is as guilty as the other, but I can only say that from the limited information I have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random_Asian_Guy 104 Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 That was a real dick move on their part and she has every reason to be upset. She should talk to them but only after she has her thoughts together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohsogrey 474 Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 YES! my friends and I are 26/27 and they still do this thing where we try to do things as a group as much as possible. It's great in a way because we all love hanging out together but it restricts when you can all get together because everyone has their own schedule. Personally I make an effort to have a relationship with each of my friends outside of the group by not only ever contacting the whatsaspp group but PM'ing. Before I moved away I used to arrange little coffee dates just one on one so if I wanted to do something like try a new restaurant or visit a certain place I don't have to discuss it with EVERYONE unless I want it to be something we all do. I feel bad for your cousin though, that's a particularly hurtful scenario. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blinket 2,355 Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 Sounds like they were trying to exclude her. Also sounds like she needs some new friends. I would drop them so fast... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JiSeo 3,948 Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 That make me pissed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TaotallyAwesome 179 Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 I would be upset & feel as if they didn't want me to go with them, hence them always saying no when I asked, but going the first chance they get that I am unable to go. I would talk to them & ask them why they chose that specific time to go, and why they didn't come see me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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