Miss Fei 742 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 About playing the victim: "Individuals who habitually indulge in self-victimisation (also known as playing the victim) do so for various reasons: to control or influence other people’s thoughts, feelings and actions; to justify their abuse of others; to seek attention; or, as a way of coping with situations. Although they can actually change circumstances to avoid being victimised, they won’t seize the opportunity because they want to play the role and appear as victims to others and themselves. The main identifying traits of those who choose to play the victim role include: -They tend to manipulate or abuse others verbally or physically, but then blame the other person (i.e. the real victim) for provoking the abuse. -They influence or control other people’ sympathy to gain compassion or support. -They form friendships or intimate relationships with those who disrespect, mistreat or abuse them to convince themselves and the world of their unfortunate status. -They tend to avoid taking responsibility for their life, instead blaming others for their mistreatment or unfortunate circumstances. -They think and talk a lot about how others take advantage of their kindness. You are playing the victim when you often: -Justify your aggression against others by believing they deserve it. -Refuse to take responsibility for your own happiness or misery – it’s the world that’s a bad place, and no one can truly be trusted. -Find yourself in relationships where others mistreat you, so you can feel justified in your victim role. -Nag, complain, harass, and beseech others until they give in to your demands. -Commonly turn to the phrase, “You’re the only one who can help me.†-Sometimes go to extremes to get revenge for perceived or actual abuse, like destroying your own property and falsely accusing someone else of being responsible. -Provoking aggressive behaviour from others, but downplaying or ignoring your role in it. -Feel anxious about the very idea that you can exert a positive influence over your own life without the support of others." Source: http://healthpsychologyconsultancy.wordpress.com/2012/10/26/the-victim-personality/ --------------------I think this description vaguely remind me of my 7th grade self. I've only met a few people who vaguely fit that description, i remember one of them as really manipulative, he manipulated his parents and schoolmates, we were pretty close but we lost contact after i moved countries (fact: 85% percent of my relationships die after moving). Let's be honest, if you ever played the victim admit it, you can lie to us but not to yourself. And if you have met someone who fits that description, tell us a bit about that person, were you close to them?, are you close to that person now?. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mons pubis 336 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 · Hidden by lawlaw, July 17, 2014 - No reason given Hidden by lawlaw, July 17, 2014 - No reason given all minorities and gays tbh Link to comment
Teru 22,363 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 I can think of some people and some idols all minorities and gays tbh eat a dick, bud Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camelliabloom 4,557 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 One of my friends is kind of like this. Even though I'm chill and not the type to judge, she always chooses to hang out with her friends who mistreat her so she can play the victim. She's also kind of...manipulative. I wish I could trust her but I don't sometimes. It's scary because she's my only close friend. I can think of some people and some idols eat a dick, bud Which idols? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teru 22,363 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 One of my friends is kind of like this. Even though I'm chill and not the type to judge, she always chooses to hang out with her friends who mistreat her so she can play the victim. She's also kind of...manipulative. I wish I could trust her but I don't sometimes. It's scary because she's my only close friend. Which idols? why do you want me to get neg bombed... also I have an irl friend who comes to mind too, she's a lovely person but she's constantly holding pity parties for herself and also does the hanging out with people who aren't good to her thing and it's frustrating because she has so much potential and is genuinely kind-hearted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asjkghasdasdas 730 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 yes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyHill's Comeback 2,080 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 LOL YES SO FUCKING ANNOYING Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taken 713 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 I have/had a friend like that. Idk how close we'll be when school starts again but I'm trying to distance myself from her because of her bs and bad reputation. She's always talking about how someone gave her a dirty look or someone said something really offensive to her when in reality that person did nothing wrong. I used to believe her stories until I witnessed her stretching the truth about what someone "did to her." She makes enemies too easily and she has some good traits but overall it's a really difficult friendship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camelliabloom 4,557 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 why do you want me to get neg bombed... also I have an irl friend who comes to mind too, she's a lovely person but she's constantly holding pity parties for herself and also does the hanging out with people who aren't good to her thing and it's frustrating because she has so much potential and is genuinely kind-hearted Aw no, I don't want you to receive negs, I was genuinely curious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
friendlyneighborhoodthug 1,336 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 all minorities and gays tbh how are you not banned yet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teru 22,363 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 Aw no, I don't want you to receive negs, I was genuinely curious. haha I was just joking but it's better not said Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Symphonyâ„¢ 11,329 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 I can think of some people and some idols eat a dick, bud I know some idols too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mgl 5,919 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 Yes and it's annoying to deal with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aris 285 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 Almost everyone does at some point or another, it's easy to fall into self-victimization and blame others for perceived injustices. Anecdotally, I'd only say about 1/5 of the people I know consistently and habitually do so day to day, and 1/20 that do so to a degree that I cannot stand. Personally I don't mind the behavior much because everyone (including myself) is self-centered to some degree, but if they're literally ranting to me everyday about how they're so disadvantaged and the world and everyone else sucks (but of course not you!), it makes for incredibly miserable company. I'm not your therapist, and no idgaf if your math teacher gave you an F because the lecture was so boring that you couldn't study or pay attention in class. The math teacher isn't prejudiced against you if you can't solve simple trig. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ 730 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 not to this extreme, no. but some people were real victims once and just can't get out of the victim mentality... due to helplessness, depression, etc. in that case, they need help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Fei 742 Posted July 17, 2014 Author Share Posted July 17, 2014 I have/had a friend like that. Idk how close we'll be when school starts again but I'm trying to distance myself from her because of her bs and bad reputation. She's always talking about how someone gave her a dirty look or someone said something really offensive to her when in reality that person did nothing wrong. I used to believe her stories until I witnessed her stretching the truth about what someone "did to her." She makes enemies too easily and she has some good traits but overall it's a really difficult friendship.Maybe she is playing the victim or maybe she is just an attention seeker, i've met a lot of people with a similar attitude people like that aren't hard to find in highschool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acclaim 3,513 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 I know a lot of people who do that all minorities and gays tbh cackling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hyun. 4,120 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 Yup, a lot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hyun. 4,120 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 dp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoneGirl 2,737 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 Unfortunately I've known some people that fit this and things didn't end up well, as their personality is so diametrically opposite than mine that the relationship couldn't progress. Currently, I only have to deal with one colleague from work with whom I've developed a friendly relationship over the years. It's sometimes very frustrating to deal with a person like this, especially when they throw tantrums about the world being against them.The problem is, I started caring for her before I realised her tendencies, so I'm too emotionally attached now. In general though, after past experiences, I easily recognise these signs and I avoid getting close to such people, if I can avoid it. From the "victim" characteristics, the only one that I can somehow relate to is: -Nag, complain, harass, and beseech others until they give in to your demands. However, I only do this to my parents and sisters and wouldn't dare to behave like that to anyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Fei 742 Posted July 17, 2014 Author Share Posted July 17, 2014 Almost everyone does at some point or another, it's easy to fall into self-victimization and blame others for perceived injustices. Anecdotally, I'd only say about 1/5 of the people I know consistently and habitually do so day to day, and 1/20 that do so to a degree that I cannot stand. Personally I don't mind the behavior much because everyone (including myself) is self-centered to some degree, but if they're literally ranting to me everyday about how they're so disadvantaged and the world and everyone else sucks (but of course not you!), it makes for incredibly miserable company. I'm not your therapist, and no idgaf if your math teacher gave you an F because the lecture was so boring that you couldn't study or pay attention in class. The math teacher isn't prejudiced against you if you can't solve simple trig. Yes, pretty much this.Why cant people admit that they are at least a bit self-centered? It isn't that hard. I had a teacher who actually hated me, some people used to pay me to help them with their homework (but i ended up doing them) she gave them all a 10/10 and she gave me a 0/10. It always happened once she hit me. Luckily i moved. not to this extreme, no. but some people were real victims once and just can't get out of the victim mentality... due to helplessness, depression, etc. in that case, they need help. I was going to use my sister as example but then i decided to not to because she was a real victim in the past, she was bullied since she was in primary school, she hasn't been bullied in three years but she has a behavior similar to the description, but she doesn't let it go and that's damaging her (and her family including me) more and more.Sometimes she bring up stuff from she was 4 years old, to prove her point (she is 16 now), and use that stuff as token for every discussion i don't remember if all that stuff actually happened or she only keeps the bad memories. We never told that to the psychologist, also she has Aspergers so her case is different from a lot of people. It seems there aren't any good memories of the past in their mind, even if we had a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sproutlette 268 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 Fuck yes. My ex-friend. She's awful. She makes shit up to get sympathy daily, too. Yuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlight 1,108 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 I was a bit like that when I was 15/16, but a friend of mine called me out on it and made me start thinking about how behaving that way wasn't a nice way to treat other people, so I started being more direct, blunt/honest, and open instead of whiny and manipulative. I really wasn't a nice person back then. All I cared about was getting my way, my mom spoiled me a lot when I was little and let me get away with anything, so I think I began to expect that from other people as well XD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TaotallyAwesome 179 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 I knew a handful of people like this when I was in high school. I am sure at one point in my life I did this, too. I try not to surround myself with people like that, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ 730 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 We never told that to the psychologist why not? i think you should, so they can get a better assessment and treatment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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