TW: (Pann-Choa)[teens stories] THE LIFE OF AN UGLY GIRL

[CannotBNamed]

(t/n: the post is a series of screenshot, we will only translate the content)

 

“I’m seriously not joking, I’m a really ugly woman, can you listen to my story?”

 

I did both my eyes and my nose, my nose job isn’t obvious at all (my nose was originally short and small). I did double eyelids surgery, but the only difference I’m seeing is an extra line.

 

My face is quite small, but my face shape is totally ruined. My cheekbones have developed so horribly, and my forehead is seriously hollow too. My chin is not angular, but only my chin tip has developed so it just comes out as a tip.

 

My height is in the lower 150’s and my weight is average. My body proportions are all off and my legs are so short and thick.

 

I’ve lived with this kind of outer appearance for 26 years, and come to think of it, I actually had it better during my middle school-high school years.

 

I went to an all-female school.

 

I studied super hard, and I think I just lived my life, and got easily along with the other kids who were there.

 

I didn’t really hang out with the pretty kids, I was closer with the more quiet kids, and we still keep in touch once in a while now.

 

Throughout my high school years, my sunbaes have told me stuff like “you got prettier” “you must have a boyfriend”. My parents told me that as long as I pass the university entrance exams, they would pay me surgery. When I heard this, I really studied like my life depended on it, I ended up succeeding in entering the department that I wanted in the best university.

 

However, there was that one person who stood out. (t/n: OP is talking about someone from her high school)

 

She looked very innocent, she was a pretty kid. She was doing the same extracurricular activities as me, so we would cross each other a lot.

 

Her personality was nice, she was pretty, she had better grades than me, she also comes from a wealthy family. Honestly, I was jealous of her.

 

She got in the same university as me, yet she entered university with a higher entrance exam score.

 

Our departments were different, but roughly similar so we almost ended up sharing one building for our classes. She came to congratulate me with a smile, but at that night, I seriously bawled my eyes out.

 

It was around the time we started attending university, and I could just see the gap between her visuals and mine widening. She was considered the goddess of her department, all of the sunbaes from the university extracurricular activities gave her their undivided attention and she would treat people fairly and hung out with everyone.

 

For me, no matter how hard I tried to become close to people, and how much I tried to connect with people around me, nobody even gave me a chance.

 

Still, I was thinking “It’s okay, if I try approaching them a bit more, if I tried to greet them more cheerfully, I should succeed”.

 

But later, I overheard a conversation saying “Wow despite this person having surgery, even though it’s so obvious, she’s still uglyㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ If I looked like that, I’d k*ll myself”

“Yah what would you do if someone like that liked you?ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ”

“Are you crazy? Seriouslyㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ”

 

I was feeling so blank on that day that I couldn’t think of anything for the rest of the day.

 

From that moment onward, I became even more adamant in studying, and I thought to myself there was nothing I could do in this life aside from studying hard.

 

No matter how hard I studied, the reality was that someone else always ended up getting ahead of the opportunity before me, I always felt so lonely and sorrowful.

 

But what can I do? I started hating going to school. I could only think about my parents who were only expecting the best from me and forced myself to school.

 

I started to wonder if I graduated with awesome specs, maybe I’d be able to enter the workforce successfully.

 

But you know what? Your appearance is a spec too.

 

Even after shoving my job applications to dozens of places, they wouldn’t take me no matter how hard I tried. I failed all my interviews. What can I do?

 

In the end, 1 year and half has passed and I’ve been only doing part time jobs here and there and went back to live in goshiwons village since public servants don’t look at your faces

(t/n: Goshiwon villages = basically small neighborhoods near big cities with mostly study dorms

OP is saying she’s preparing her civil servant exams so she went back to study dorms life)

 

But some time ago, I grew curious as I was going down the memory lane and went through my Facebook.

 

I ended up looking at that person’s Facebook

 

She’s doing her master degree in Europe and she’s also travelling around the world, she also found a boyfriend with good competencies, tall and handsome. She has a bunch of friends and she’s smiling brightly.

 

At that moment, I just looked at myself and found myself so pitiful.

 

All of the friends I had left me, I’m doing part-time job and trying to save whatever money I have to stay in the goshiwon I live in which is barely a few pyeong large while preparing for an exam.

 

My childhood died because I was overly focused on what my parents expected from me, I was never able to go on trips, experience romance and live a normal cultural lifestyle even once.

 

Why is she able to get all that?

 

I know what I’m saying might be goosebumps inducing, but I clicked on all of my friends’ Facebooks and went through their pages. Most of them are living in good households, and they’re all going on trips and got closer to each other.

 

They’re all pretty and good-looking, they’re partying together from time to time.

 

I seriously started to wonder why am I even alive.

 

I seriously did my best to work as hard as I can in my life, just to not even be able to date someone even once in my entire life. I’m barely managing to get by with my part time jobs meanwhile even with surgery, I’m still just as ugly and getting frowned upon by other people.

Just why am I alive?

 

If I work hard enough and pass my public servant exam, will my life be at least a bit different?

 

I’m just so scared right now, just how long do I have to endure this excruciating life?

 

Even after passing my exam, I will never be able to have half the fun that girl is experiencing in her life and I know that.

 

I’m so depressed.

 

post response:

[+896][-67]

original post: here

 

1. [+695, -22]

I really hope the OP of this post has found happiness at the end of thisㅜㅜ

 

2. [+611, -48]

If a woman is ugly, men’s attack will be felt a multitude times harder

 

3. [+535, -24]

Seriously if you’re good-looking, you’ll be able to succeed in everything just thanks to the confidence you’ll get from it alone

 

4. [+235, -16]

I seriously can’t really relate to this. I do have my own thoughts about this, but looking at the best replies here, people are just attacking women’s appearance harshly and talking about how ugly girls have it worse than ugly guys in the comments, etc… Writing comments like this is no different than saying “Ugly girls are pitiful, they will never be able to succeed”.. Even the OP writing the post is talking about how she finds herself ugly and even if she succeeded the test, she won’t be able to live the life of the other pretty girl. I personally don’t think it’s because of her face alone, rather it’s because of her thought process and her own feelings that she’s ultimately not gonna be able to live the same life as the other girl.. To put things bluntly, if you look at people leading a successful life, you can see that it’s not only the pretty and handsome people who get to live them. And I bet the people who attended OP’s university and ended up living a successful life didn’t find success through looking pretty and handsome only… If I were OP, and despite not coming from a rich household yet I was still able to make it to the same university as a pretty kid from a rich family? This alone would’ve given me a confidence boost. It’s a shame that OP wasn’t able to get this mindset instead

 

5. [+245, -3]

People don’t drop you from the interview based on your visuals, they also look at your personality. Does OP think that people who get turned down are because they look ugly thus have no confidence? If people walked into my interviews with this kind of mindset, I wouldn’t pick them either. I do feel bad for OP, but life isn’t only about looks. This is the only precious life you’ll get to live, nothing will change in your life if you spend it comparing with others. And this wouldn’t help you at all. You need to find what matters to you and you need to hold real values. Think again, and I hope you will live a more meaningful life

[MelanatedBeauty]

Sadly that's the superficial world we live in sis and unfortunately some countries are worse than others. The only advice that can be issued is for her to remove herself from the environment she became sick in.

 

Go travel sis. There's a whole big world out there and judging from korea's standards im suree u most likely aint even ugly.

[pace]

The societal pressure to look a certain way really got to her. I hope she lives a happier life, realizes that her self-worth doesn't hinge on exam results or having ideal features, and stops comparing herself to the other woman. 

[Lolly21]

5. [+245, -3]

People don’t drop you from the interview based on your visuals, they also look at your personality. Does OP think that people who get turned down are because they look ugly thus have no confidence? If people walked into my interviews with this kind of mindset, I wouldn’t pick them either. I do feel bad for OP, but life isn’t only about looks. This is the only precious life you’ll get to live, nothing will change in your life if you spend it comparing with others. And this wouldn’t help you at all. You need to find what matters to you and you need to hold real values. Think again, and I hope you will live a more meaningful life

 

I agree.

 

Do not compare your live to anyone else's. People only show the good things on social media, duh.

 

Just focus on your own things, do what you like, be positive and keep it moving!

[Mrs. Morale]

Life is unfair. The truth is no matter how hard you work, you can still fail. Sad but true. That girl who prettier didn't achieve these stuffs just because she’s pretty (not say that it didn't help her too), as you said she had a higher grade & she's wealthy.

You said people will often compliment how pretty you are in high school, no one just becomes ugly over time. I think you're still pretty, you just don't see it.

You're too fixated on this other girl. Find yourself, be yourself. No reason to compare to her. She’s living her life, you should live your life too. We all get jealous, don't feel bad about it.

Keep working harder, blessing don't come over night. I hope you find success & happiness.

13 minutes ago, MelanatedBeauty said:

Go travel sis. There's a whole big world out there and judging from korea's standards im suree u most likely aint even ugly.

How is she suppose to travel & she has no money?

[No1]

51 minutes ago, Lolly21 said:

5. [+245, -3]

People don’t drop you from the interview based on your visuals, they also look at your personality. Does OP think that people who get turned down are because they look ugly thus have no confidence? If people walked into my interviews with this kind of mindset, I wouldn’t pick them either. I do feel bad for OP, but life isn’t only about looks. This is the only precious life you’ll get to live, nothing will change in your life if you spend it comparing with others. And this wouldn’t help you at all. You need to find what matters to you and you need to hold real values. Think again, and I hope you will live a more meaningful life

 

I agree.

 

Do not compare your live to anyone else's. People only show the good things on social media, duh.

 

Just focus on your own things, do what you like, be positive and keep it moving!

Pretty privilege is a thing, and anyone who says it isn’t needs a wake up call. Should it be? Not in every case, but there is a reason why some countries and companies require photos along with resumes.

 

People also tend to be more trustworthy towards good looking people compare to ugly ones, so even face to face interviews become biased as soon as an interviewer first sets eye on a prospect.

 

It is easy to say flowery words like “just be yourself, stay strong and good things will come!” It doesn’t always work that way, and I can only imagine it is far worse in a looks driven society such as South Korea. OP already said she tried her best, that even now she hasn’t stopped trying, but there is only so much a person can take.

[felidae]

1. [+695, -22]

I really hope the OP of this post has found happiness at the end of thisㅜㅜ

I really hope too because I can relate so so much.....

 

But sometimes, we need to stop comparing ourselves to others. I haven't opened my real Instagram account because the last time I did, my anxiety attacked for days, I was crying every night, I couldn't function properly and I had my busyness to help me. All I did was scrolling through my feeds, explore, and visiting my friends and ex classmates and schoolmates profile. It may be "easy for me to say" but I'd do anything to not harm my mental health. 

Edited January 15, 2022 by felidae

[krystalized]

It sucks so bad society just cares so much about how you look outside. I'm just thankful here in my country there's not much pretty privilege, i don't know how I would deal with that otherwise.

Just reading her post, I feel a pang in my heart and I feel kinda unpretty all of a sudden  (Which is stupid since I don't normally consider ugly myself, maybe the word would be sloppy)

Hopefully she finds something were she can give her heart and forget how apperances isn't everything. 

Edited January 15, 2022 by krystalized
idk but this post just triggered my depression. Maybe OP should add a TW

[stell]

Ironically it's one of those ugly realities. An attractive physical appearance can and does make a difference in real life. And when you're experiencing the unfairness of it directly, that can take a toll on anyone's self esteem and worth. 

I hope she'll be able to eventually be kinder to herself, and find some happiness and peace soon. 

[MelanatedBeauty]

6 hours ago, loveablejoy said:

Life is unfair. The truth is no matter how hard you work, you can still fail. Sad but true. That girl who prettier didn't achieve these stuffs just because she’s pretty (not say that it didn't help her too), as you said she had a higher grade & she's wealthy.

You said people will often compliment how pretty you are in high school, no one just becomes ugly over time. I think you're still pretty, you just don't see it.

You're too fixated on this other girl. Find yourself, be yourself. No reason to compare to her. She’s living her life, you should live your life too. We all get jealous, don't feel bad about it.

Keep working harder, blessing don't come over night. I hope you find success & happiness.

How is she suppose to travel & she has no money?

How do people plan trips with 0 dollars to their name? Oh right~! Future plan formulation inclusive of budget generation~~~

#Genius

OBVIOUSLY i dont expect her to be able to pick up and go? Smfh

Edited January 16, 2022 by MelanatedBeauty

[Elscian]

I think her mindset went downhill after listening to those bullies' comments.  "I'd kill myself if I looked like that", seriously?? People actually say these things? I hope she is able to pick herself up gradually and good things happen to her.

[Nev Schulman]

There are a ton of people without pretty privilege who have been able to make it. She needs to switch her focus. I've been there and it's hard

[Danee Danee]

Honestly I think this person is so focused at others that she lost herself in process. She says she had tons of friends in highschool, now everyone left her. Sounds more like she left everyone behind while trying to beat the pretty smart girl she is jealous of. Like... People only see she got praised for her looks but noone noticed how she got better grades and nice attitude while the op obviously pushed her friends away and only focused on the person she is obsessed with and working hard not to be happy but to win over that girl? Honestly even if she changed her whole looks to look like ... insert random actress, I doubt her success would come to her. Because in her eyes she would always be few steps behind the person who never even tried to compete with her and instead congratulated her with smile when she saw her successfully get to the best possible uni. And honestly that is also possibly reason why she failed all her interviews. People judge your character as well as your resume and noone wants unconfident, unfriendly person on their team even if they have good education. She needs to fix her attitude before fixing her looks. 

Edited January 16, 2022 by Danee Danee

[EXOSUS]

I can't think of any one with undesired look yet is confident and successful in life, whereas in just one sec I can already think of how Kylie Jenner changed after her surgery. How can you be confident in South Korea which is infamous for lookism?

19 hours ago, No1 said:

Pretty privilege is a thing, and anyone who says it isn’t needs a wake up call. Should it be? Not in every case, but there is a reason why some countries and companies require photos along with resumes.

People also tend to be more trustworthy towards good looking people compare to ugly ones, so even face to face interviews become biased as soon as an interviewer first sets eye on a prospect.

It is easy to say flowery words like “just be yourself, stay strong and good things will come!” It doesn’t always work that way, and I can only imagine it is far worse in a looks driven society such as South Korea. OP already said she tried her best, that even now she hasn’t stopped trying, but there is only so much a person can take.

I second this.

[CannotBNamed]

17 hours ago, krystalized said:

It sucks so bad society just cares so much about how you look outside. I'm just thankful here in my country there's not much pretty privilege, i don't know how I would deal with that otherwise.

Just reading her post, I feel a pang in my heart and I feel kinda unpretty all of a sudden  (Which is stupid since I don't normally consider ugly myself, maybe the word would be sloppy)

Hopefully she finds something were she can give her heart and forget how apperances isn't everything. 

I'm sorry for triggering your depression, I've added a TW, hope you doing well.