Honestly I want to vent here because I feel safe

[Shalnark]

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Edited June 20, 2022 by Shalnark

[Shalnark]

On 10/31/2021 at 5:07 AM, Nev Schulman said:

Oof this is a classic abusive man. It is best that you cut off your friends and him too. Do not communicate him and change your number and emails if you can. Currently reading a book about men like him and it helped me a lot to cope with reality. It is called; Why does he do that? by author Lundy Bancroft. 

Even if you know now I'd still read the book.

Sorry to hear about all this.

 

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Edited June 20, 2022 by Shalnark

[Shalnark]

On 10/31/2021 at 3:47 PM, Nev Schulman said:

I understand what you did and why you did it but I don't agree with that. Simply because it could have led into a gaslight tango. The best thing you can do with people like him is just to stay silent because they can manipulate anyone in their favour especially when he doesn't see that he is wrong and doesn't consider what he did to you abuse. To get through it I really do recommend you to read that book I suggested. Regardless of what he does do not give him a response and if anything you can go ahead and get a restaining order and file a police report. But whatever he does refrain from responding even if he is spreading rumors. Just gather and keep all the evidence and do not threaten him since he can physically abuse you if you do or who knows. When he slanders you, you may actually care because you will want to protect your name but again do not respond. People who talk trash about their exes like that are trash themselves. His threats are evidence but if you respond you put yourself at risk in terms of validity and how it will uphold. I really do understand your feelings but it is best not to let them take over no matter how hard it is because it will put you in a tougher position. I have dealt with a mentally abusive man and I've gone through it but I learned that no response is actually how you win since they can't stand being ignored or rejected. Keep it that way.

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Edited June 20, 2022 by Shalnark

[Shalnark]

On 10/31/2021 at 4:37 PM, Nev Schulman said:

This man is an awful person but abusive men are like that. 

20 is still of age in most countries so idk where you are located and if what he is doing is legal. Here being with a 20 year old isn't considered illegal so I can't speak on that matter. There is also nothing you can do about that situation unless she recognises that she is being abused unfortunately. 

Let's just hope that it IS seriously the end and that you won't engage with him. Easier said than done and some end up going back so I hope you do not.

These men will always be obsessed with their exes. I've dealt with it and he'd say his ex allegedly cheated on her and call his other exes whores but he'd still talk about them in a loving way at some points. These people are messed up and his ex can hopefully take care of herself and actually stay away.

You've learnt a lesson and I really hope you actually heal from this. See or talk to someone if necessary and if you can. And just stay away from people like that abuser. Nothing good will come from it.

These men don't think of anyone but themselves and are obsessed about themselves. He doesn't think of anyone else unless it benefits him and that is likely for attention since they feed off that. They just need supply to feed off from.

Been there and the only thing that helped me cope is when I read books and articles confirming that the person is in fact abusive. It is still hard for me to accept since I still think I am acting like a victim but it's whatever. The best is just to move on and minimise the time spent thinking about these people since they really do not think of anyone but themselves at all even when they think of others. 

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Edited June 20, 2022 by Shalnark

[Shalnark]

On 10/31/2021 at 6:14 PM, Nev Schulman said:

That second paragraph is sooo familiar. People like this are ALL the same. The person I dealt with also said he looked for women just like his exes and it didn't work out. Like if she "allegedly" cheated(which they likely have ZERO proof of, mine said he just felt like she cheated), why would they still look for women like their exes. This is some contradicting BS and this is evidence that they even lie to themselves and that their value system is beyond messed up. I really liked my exes when things were good but never in my life will I look for men like my exes since that includes their bad habits too. Like that isn't what someone with a good value system in life will say EVER. If they shit talk and still supposedly like their exes that's a sign to leave them. That's strange AF. This isn't their way of coping but rather their way of avoiding the reality and the fact that they need to hold themselves accountable. People around them including us face the problem of being enablers for people like that. Even though it isn't our responsibility. They feed of attention and validation that they aren't messed up so getting people to tell them that it "isn't their fault" is part of the enablement process. Ignoring and saying little to nothing when anyone talks about their exes is the best thing you can do.

One thing I've learned from that experience is to never open up about your deepest scars to anyone anymore. I too did so and ended up regretting it. Sorry you went through it. Mine was also quite a misogynist but through that book I learned that they see women as nothing but trophies/objects. These people will never be satisfied or able to stay in committed relationships at all. They will claim it's because their exes cheated on them but that's their excuse to get away with reality they need to face.

Also sorry to hear about your childhood trauma. But with abusive people it is best to stay silent as people have been killed for speaking up. You really have to be careful with people like that since you have no idea what they are capable off. Many got hurt trying to leave because they announced it or made a fuss about it. So in the future and for your own safety please just silently block them and move on.

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Edited June 20, 2022 by Shalnark