Need some advice/help

[Anii]

In a month from now, I'll be flying abroad to another country for university. I'm a sophomore who did my first year entirely online. Though I was a bit excited, I'm now feeling really anxious. I'm fine with living away from my family, and I got to know about my roommate beforehand as well. However, I'm filled with a lot of worry.

I have anxiety, and it is very difficult for me to come out of my shell. I'm scared that I'll be alone. I don't want to be seen as the lonely person. I'll also be living in the most packed/social dorm. Having to use a shared bathroom/showers kinda scares me. I mean, everyone will have their own shower stall with curtains and all, but I'm extremely shy lol. 

Since I'm being thrown into a new environment, I'm scared that I won't be able to focus on my studies (STEM major). I will have to take care of a lot of other things on my own. It doesn't help that I'm very slow at adapting to change. 

So, yeah. These are some of my concerns at the moment. Do you have any advice to give or positive experiences to share? I'd really appreciate it. If it helps, I've taken up a job as a tutor so that I can interact with people. My uni also offers free counseling services.

[Hopkinz]

I would say don't be too hard on yourself if you don't "fit in" right away.  It takes time to meet people in the university, but one day without even realizing it, you'll find out you have friends.  

Put your health first, your studies second, and then everything else.  Your studies will help you determine what you're passionate about for your career after the university.

[flower.]

heck I am only a 13 y/o girl so you 99% won't take me seriously but take my words with a grain of salt.

 

Sis, i am a lot like you. I am extremely bad at adapting to changes, just ask anyone. I will try not to write a whole essay here but here i go...

 

Your health is more important than anything else. If you are in good mental health, you will thrive in studies. This is your first time so of course, it will take time to settle in.

 

Speaking from my mom's college experience, she had a roommate that made her feel very uncomfortable, she had to report her and as a result was assigned with a roommate that made her feel much better. This happens often in university, but unless I walked in your shoes I wouldn't understand your situation. I have no rights pressure you, but if your situation becomes severe, get help. I have studied sex ed in 7th grade so I understand.

 

If you are getting worked up over this, consider talking to your guardian / therapist virtually because remember, technology has evolved. I can only imagine how it is like to be oceans away from home, and everyone experiences anxiety over this, heck even I become nervous when we are going on vacation. My mom was in college during like the stone age so idk if I am being useful, but again, I wish I knew better because I am probably the youngest user here. 

 

P.S. Can you respond to my latest thread here?

Edited July 2, 2021 by MinaSanatozaki

[love]

i think developing some semblance of routine will be your first step towards comfort in a foreign place.  i have social anxiety as well and shared a lot of your concerns about communal living my first year of uni, but if you can find a time when fewer people are out and about in the showers (just as an example), you’ll alleviate some of the stress.

i know you’re a second year, but honestly there are probably others who are in the same exact situation as you after a year of online school.  wondering how to make friends, what to say, where to go….at the very least know you’re not alone. 

[Mrs. Morale]

I kinda understand. I live alone, I move from the country to the city to attend, it's not really the same but similar. I was extremely nervous, I remember I cried that night. It's really lonely, I love with other people but we don't interact. It's even bit frustrating when the only person you've to talk to is your parent at least twice a month, lol. 

Well, I haven't made any friends since school started, no surprise it's not like I was good at it. I think am in the stage in life where I probably won't able to.

Many people told I would survive UNI & that it better for me to do community College until I was ready. I was determined not to do so, cause bo way am I wasting money on somethinv I don't need. Even now, they still say it.

I'm not good at giving advises but don't do what I did. Trust me, I regret it. Try socializing, try putting yourself out there. It's hard, but y'all get use to it. Once, you have at least 1 friend, it will be much better. At least you won't feel lonely, you have someone to study with, someone to call when you need help, etc. Being in a foreign environment is scary, having someone who understand explain it to you.

Please, take care of yourself. Eventually, you will fall into a routine. I mess up bad in my first term, I wasn't settled nor focused. It took me until the next term to settle in.

[abra]

Try to put yourself out there and meet people, it should help

[Shinki]

I have a degree of social anxiety so I get you.

New beginning are always harsh but be sure of one thing... You don't have to overdo yourself. If it takes time to open your shell, be sure that the people who take time to wait and see that, is the people who are worth it. Take little steps, get to talk to people around you slowly. Luck might even be on your side and these people will tag along and you'll start a beautiful friendship. We tend to overthink a lot of our new enviroment and get anxious, be sure that it's alright... Have more faith on yourself, you're more capable of apatating than you think. The key is to be more assured of yourself, things will naturally grow on your favor.

[Anii]

7 hours ago, Hopkinz said:

 

You're right. I probably shouldn't be so hard on myself. I will put my health first. Thanks a lot!

7 hours ago, MinaSanatozaki said:

 

Thanks for the advice! I will prioritize my mental health. I'll meet with a counselor to help myself too. I really appreciate everything you wrote down.

7 hours ago, love said:

 

Thank you so much for the reply! You're right about working out times. The showers won't be occupied 24x7, so if my anxiety is really bad, I can find certain times. The last two lines definitely make me feel better. You're right that a lot of people will be in my position. Once again, thanks! ^.^

7 hours ago, loveablejoy said:

 

For starters, I have already got to know my roommate online so we can be comfortable with each other when we meet. My job will also help me socialize and meet new people. I'll follow your advise and do my best to socialize when possible. I'll also keep in mind not to get into a bad routine. I really appreciate it that you typed all of this out. Thank you so much!

7 hours ago, abra said:

 

It should, but anxiety can be troubling. I'll try my best. Perhaps just spending time outside my room will allow me to meet new people. Thanks!

33 minutes ago, Shinki said:

 

Thanks a lot for replying! Taking baby steps seems like the right thing to do. I'm also pessimistic, so I guess things may not be as bad as I think, as you said. Once again, I feel better after your advice so thanks!