She never starts conversations. What does it mean?

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Ok, I have to go for a long post here. I'll try my best to be short in my story.

 

I've dated a girl for 4 years. All fun and games until we weren't enjoying each other anymore and then we decided to break up (january 2020). It was an okay (?!) break up, we work together and all (but never spoken after that). Sure. I had almost an year single, hanging out eventually, but without going into serious stuff. Until december 2020.

 

I sent a message to a girl I've worked with in the past (my ex-gf also worked with her lol). She went to work in another school. She had really nice lookings, we enjoyed the same stuff, she started subtly liking my posts on instagram, replying my stories... Well, we started talking for real, about life, about going out, etc. And then we went out.

 

1st date - First date was a breeze. She looked stunning, I also prepared myself to the date and it was great. We had some drinks, we had dinner together, we talked for hours and hours til I took her home. Excellent stuff, even though we didn't have much physical contact (i wasn't counting on doing it on the first date by the way). She got off the car and we hugged gently/friendly. But something strange happened, she looked deeply into my eyes for a couple seconds and... hugged me again! So I was like "wow, why? is my hug THAT comfortable tho? LOL". May be, right? She went home and I drove back to mine.

 

we kept talking, but you know when you interact with a person that works a lot? She was in her last year in the graduation, and she worked in two (!!!) schools at the same time. So I really thought she didn't reply too often/too much because of this. Sure, lets go on.

 

2nd date - our second date was way shorter. We went to eat after a super tiring day of work for both of us. She said she needed to go home to end her paper for university, which she had 2 days till the deadline. I drove her home and she got off. It was nice and stuff, I offered her help (i have dozens and dozens of papers, so I helped her).

 

once again, we talked every day, but mostly for some minutes or hours. It is important to note that I always was the one in charge of starting the conversations.

 

3rd date - It happened 2 weeks ago. She said she would need to focus on the paper's presentation the week after this date (last week), so we would go out to have some fun and for her to relax. Sure, we went to a canadian-style pub, which was awesome, had some outstanding food and nice beer. It was a perfect date, we had some great conversation and it worked nice. I drove her home again, but... This time I took the iniative. Not to kiss her or anything, but to say I was really interested and I invited her to go out because of this interest.

I said I invited her bc I was really interested personally and bc she seemed super interested in going out. She confirmed that. I said "I almost kissed you twice (which is true), but I retreated bc you didnt seem interested back then". And she replied "you have to take the oportunities" and she went for a kiss. We did it, it was awesome, we went to second and third bases, it went on for a long time... well, I don't need to give details here. It was an excellent night. sure. We made out!

 

Now the problem arrives. I watched her presentation online, it was great, she is super smart. She said after this presentation she'd have more time to go out, and she really wanted to see me again. Nice, right? But our conversations went downhill. She never texts me first (she never did tbh), she answers after a long time, with some short-as* monosyllables, and doesn't seem super interested in going out anymore. She commented on a picture that I took inside my pool, and said (uh, lets go there, I'm in need of a pool), we joked a little bit and I invited her to come here on sunday. She accepted it, but our conversation does not go as before.

 

What does it mean?!  

[Geeminy]

she's not interested

[YooJeong]

Could mean a few things:

1) She's losing interest

2) She views this as a more casual thing and isn't down for anything serious, so she doesn't feel a need to put in more effort.

3) She's just really really busy and she's not the sort of person to text first, make the plans herself, etc. A lot of times, this happens.

I say, keep seeing her, and decide what you want. If you're feeling very interested and want to take it more seriously, do so and talk about it. If you want a more casual thing, make peace with things being the way they are now. And, if she seems to be losing interest or makes you feel that she is, either mutually end things or bring it up in a convo. I think it's too early to tell exactly what's on her mind, and her commenting on your post seems like her way of making intiative. 

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2 minutes ago, YooJeong said:

Could mean a few things:

1) She's losing interest

2) She views this as a more casual thing and isn't down for anything serious, so she doesn't feel a need to put in more effort.

3) She's just really really busy and she's not the sort of person to text first, make the plans herself, etc. A lot of times, this happens.

I say, keep seeing her, and decide what you want. If you're feeling very interested and want to take it more seriously, do so and talk about it. If you want a more casual thing, make peace with things being the way they are now. And, if she seems to be losing interest or makes you feel that she is, either mutually end things or bring it up in a convo. I think it's too early to tell exactly what's on her mind, and her commenting on your post seems like her way of making intiative. 

Oops, I forgot to say one thing. Yesterday I called her and told I'd like to get closer to her, to try something serious eventually. Her answer was "You are great, I love what we had, but I'm still broken bc of my last relationship. So let's take it easy".

 

Well, technically she still wants to see me, but that was her reply

20 minutes ago, Geeminy said:

she's not interested

 

Sad, but possibly true

[lighterxx]

minus things people said, some people just... idk you have to work extra hard to reach, they seem happy and talkative, but you might need to force them and be first in many situations. Thats how i am for example

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On 3/5/2021 at 12:53 AM, YooJeong said:

Could mean a few things:

1) She's losing interest

2) She views this as a more casual thing and isn't down for anything serious, so she doesn't feel a need to put in more effort.

3) She's just really really busy and she's not the sort of person to text first, make the plans herself, etc. A lot of times, this happens.

I say, keep seeing her, and decide what you want. If you're feeling very interested and want to take it more seriously, do so and talk about it. If you want a more casual thing, make peace with things being the way they are now. And, if she seems to be losing interest or makes you feel that she is, either mutually end things or bring it up in a convo. I think it's too early to tell exactly what's on her mind, and her commenting on your post seems like her way of making intiative. 

 

On 3/5/2021 at 12:35 AM, Geeminy said:

she's not interested

 

On 3/5/2021 at 1:16 AM, lighterxx said:

minus things people said, some people just... idk you have to work extra hard to reach, they seem happy and talkative, but you might need to force them and be first in many situations. Thats how i am for example

Idk if you guys are interested, but I have some (sad) updates on this matter:

Yesterday I went to her house and slept there. This morning, all fun and games, I took her to do an exam. In the car, I said "well, we went out a couple of times you know, as I said b4, I'm in a super positive time of my life, and I'd really like to bring you closer and stablish something more than some one-night-stands here and there" (in our mother tongue btw lol)

Her answer was very clear this time "babe, I really don't want to stablish any type of relationship now. I'm probably going to move to another state, I'm looking for a job somewhere else. I have so many changes going on in my life right now, so I can't have any kind of responsibilities towards anyone. I'm sorry. We can still hang out from time to time"

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