How hard is long distance relationship?

[svezaJoanne]

This could be me in the future so I'm curious.

[Nelkoya]

It can be difficult for many different points.
I was in a relationship that went super well as long as it was long distance. We barely ever argued, we got along super well. But then we lived together for almost 2 months, and it jumped to my face that we weren't that compatible. So that was difficult as in, it can go super well as long as it's long distance, but once you get to be together on long time periods, it can be totally different and not go well.

Another difficulty can be the loss of interest and distance that creates a gap between your partner and you. Like if you both are pretty busy with your jobs and you don't find much time to talk, and if none of you react and try to strengthen the bond, it can just end up in none of you being interested in spending time together talking or doing stuff together from distance. How busy you are can also have impact in how often you are able to travel to meet each other and several other parts of the relationship. So you have to make sure that even if you are busy, you don't put each other on the side and still find time for your relationship. Overall a long distance relationship require a lot of work from both parts in keeping the relationship strong and going. If one gives up, it pulls down the other.

Also another point I noticed is that long distance = more communication via text, and it can often lead to misunderstandings as we don't deliver emotions the same way when we're face to face - on phone call or in written conversation. And misunderstandings can create conflicts and arguments, so you often have to put more efforts in how you communicate together.

 

But even if it's a lot of efforts, if you manage well, it can lead to an even stronger and more lasting relationship in the end. So it can be worth the shot~

[svezaJoanne]

12 minutes ago, Koya said:

It can be difficult for many different points.
I was in a relationship that went super well as long as it was long distance. We barely ever argued, we got along super well. But then we lived together for almost 2 months, and it jumped to my face that we weren't that compatible. So that was difficult as in, it can go super well as long as it's long distance, but once you get to be together on long time periods, it can be totally different and not go well.

Another difficulty can be the loss of interest and distance that creates a gap between your partner and you. Like if you both are pretty busy with your jobs and you don't find much time to talk, and if none of you react and try to strengthen the bond, it can just end up in none of you being interested in spending time together talking or doing stuff together from distance. How busy you are can also have impact in how often you are able to travel to meet each other and several other parts of the relationship. So you have to make sure that even if you are busy, you don't put each other on the side and still find time for your relationship. Overall a long distance relationship require a lot of work from both parts in keeping the relationship strong and going. If one gives up, it pulls down the other.

Also another point I noticed is that long distance = more communication via text, and it can often lead to misunderstandings as we don't deliver emotions the same way when we're face to face - on phone call or in written conversation. And misunderstandings can create conflicts and arguments, so you often have to put more efforts in how you communicate together.

 

But even if it's a lot of efforts, if you manage well, it can lead to an even stronger and more lasting relationship in the end. So it can be worth the shot~

You sound like you have lot of experience. What about when argue? Don't that be harder in long distance relationship? How you get pass that?

[Nelkoya]

2 minutes ago, svezaJoanne said:

You sound like you have lot of experience. What about when argue? Don't that be harder in long distance relationship? How you get pass that?

Yeah I've been in 3 long distance relationships haha...

When you argue it can be quite tough, as you aren't together for real it's actually a good point so you can each take a bit of time to cool down on your side instead of continuing and arguing even more. And once you both are ready you can talk things out, understand where the problem comes from and how each perceive it. But it means you both need to take on yourself to talk even if you don't feel like it bc of the argument.

[rananicolee]

I think it depends on each person in each relationshiop. 

[svezaJoanne]

6 minutes ago, Koya said:

Yeah I've been in 3 long distance relationships haha...

When you argue it can be quite tough, as you aren't together for real it's actually a good point so you can each take a bit of time to cool down on your side instead of continuing and arguing even more. And once you both are ready you can talk things out, understand where the problem comes from and how each perceive it. But it means you both need to take on yourself to talk even if you don't feel like it bc of the argument.

Sound so many hard work. I worry when thing get bad we unable to talk because no one want to. What will you do if that happen?

You also said long distance = more communication via text. So text is must? I prefer verbal and this will be bad for me.

7 minutes ago, rananicolee said:

I think it depends on each person in each relationshiop. 

Yes. That's why I curious. I want to see how different people vary in their relationship.

[rananicolee]

2 minutes ago, svezaJoanne said:

Sound so many hard work. I worry when thing get bad we unable to talk because no one want to. What will you do if that happen?

You also said long distance = more communication via text. So text is must? I prefer verbal and this will be bad for me.

Yes. That's why I curious. I want to see how different people vary in their relationship.

I don't know if it counts as a long distance relationship but when I was a freshman in college my boyfriend at the time lived an hour away. We talked on the phone daily but this was before unlimited texting was a thing. 

[Nelkoya]

7 minutes ago, svezaJoanne said:

Sound so many hard work. I worry when thing get bad we unable to talk because no one want to. What will you do if that happen?

You also said long distance = more communication via text. So text is must? I prefer verbal and this will be bad for me.

It can be easier than the points I said above, but it's the kind of stuff that can happen because of the long distance. But then yeah depending on your personalities it might be easier for you two.

Even if no one wants to, I believe that communication is super important in a relationship (even if it's not long distance), so taking on yourself. Even if you don't really want to, in most case I'm sure you won't regret pushing a bit!

If you both prefer to communicate via phone calls it might not be a problem then, but it's in case text communication takes more space in your relationship you'd need to be a bit cautious with it.

[svezaJoanne]

5 minutes ago, rananicolee said:

I don't know if it counts as a long distance relationship but when I was a freshman in college my boyfriend at the time lived an hour away. We talked on the phone daily but this was before unlimited texting was a thing. 

For what I curious, I say that's not it. I talk about long distance like few hour away, different country, or even different timezone.

But is it good thing to talk daily? What if we don't talk for some days?

[rananicolee]

1 minute ago, svezaJoanne said:

For what I curious, I say that's not it. I talk about long distance like few hour away, different country, or even different timezone.

But is it good thing to talk daily? What if we don't talk for some days?

I think that depends on what you personally like. For me, I can go a few days or a week without talking to anyone - platonic or romantic. You guys would definitely need to be on the same page with communication. Communication depends on each person. I know some people that HAVE to talk to their partners everyday or else they feel it's not worth it. Sometimes, communication is good daily. Sometimes not. 

It also depends on how old you are. Someone like me, in her 30s, doesn't need to talk daily because we're all busy with our own jobs. 

I keep saying it depends because everyone's different. Not one relationship is the definition of all relationships.

If you don't feel good about talking for days then take that into consideration. If your partner has to hear from you daily and you don't have to hear from them, that will create problems. 

[svezaJoanne]

10 minutes ago, Koya said:

It can be easier than the points I said above, but it's the kind of stuff that can happen because of the long distance. But then yeah depending on your personalities it might be easier for you two.

Even if no one wants to, I believe that communication is super important in a relationship (even if it's not long distance), so taking on yourself. Even if you don't really want to, in most case I'm sure you won't regret pushing a bit!

If you both prefer to communicate via phone calls it might not be a problem then, but it's in case text communication takes more space in your relationship you'd need to be a bit cautious with it.

I see. I should find active boyfriend/girlfriend then. It bad if both not active. I think if both not active in communication, they will suffer in waiting.

I don't like to text much. The thing you said is what worry me. How text can be misunderstood.

But I feel like I can have better relationship with people not from my place. I think I'm weird.

3 minutes ago, rananicolee said:

I think that depends on what you personally like. For me, I can go a few days or a week without talking to anyone - platonic or romantic. You guys would definitely need to be on the same page with communication. Communication depends on each person. I know some people that HAVE to talk to their partners everyday or else they feel it's not worth it. Sometimes, communication is good daily. Sometimes not. 

It also depends on how old you are. Someone like me, in her 30s, doesn't need to talk daily because we're all busy with our own jobs. 

I keep saying it depends because everyone's different. Not one relationship is the definition of all relationships.

If you don't feel good about talking for days then take that into consideration. If your partner has to hear from you daily and you don't have to hear from them, that will create problems. 

I see. I saw people, my relative actually, in relationship on their 30s and need to talk everyday but they didn't. It sadden me because I know the couple personality but I cannot do anything about them. But I agree on relationship depend on the personality.

For me I think I fine not talking for days, but I will worry if my future boyfriend/girlfriend not talking, especially if I know they are active partner. So maybe better for me to have him/her talk to me daily.

This will put me into long thinking.

[Nelkoya]

13 minutes ago, svezaJoanne said:

I see. I should find active boyfriend/girlfriend then. It bad if both not active. I think if both not active in communication, they will suffer in waiting.

I don't like to text much. The thing you said is what worry me. How text can be misunderstood.

But I feel like I can have better relationship with people not from my place. I think I'm weird.

I agree with rananicolee too, while I think communication is important, if you both are on the same page it could be fine even if you don't talk everyday. But it's important to be sure that both sides are happy with how the relationship is going~

If you let them know I'm sure they can understand! And you could use phonecalls as the 1st way to communicate.

Aw no I don't think that's weird. It's hard to find someone that could match us in our area. With how far we can reach people now with internet, I think it's great to open our horizons, like you can meet someone you get along with without sticking to a restricted area of where you live.

[svezaJoanne]

I think I will be picky to have one.

I will. I don't like keep my other not knowing to how I am. But phone call, that conditional. I think I can accept text but I worry the misunderstanding.

I know someone match to me here but I just not liking the friends. I know them too. They possessive so I have to let them have that person more time than for myself. I rather have someone far so no one know about us. I can demand more time for me too since we far away. I will do that once I get into relationship.

[Sana Minatozaki]

I'd never do it tbh

[in good taste]

i'm in one and we communicate daily, but we don't spam each other's messages or anything. i think the most important thing is not to play games. i don't second guess before sending a reply to a text. i don't think about trying not to come off clingy or anything. if the phone's in my hand, i'm online and have time to spare, i reply. he's the same too.

usually we talk at night, and a video call once a week, or every two weeks. 

we also talk from time to time if there's anything about the relationship that's bothering any of us. we talked about how much is too much, or too little... he likes it that we're very open about anything. 

so far, he makes me feel very, very secure. he's very expressive in words. my biggest problem is that my main love languages are physical touch and acts of service. but i'm trying to appreciate him in the way he understands. 

if there's something that's bothering me, i ask/share. i don't like tiptoeing around the issue or sugarcoating my words. i think the biggest problem in an LDR would be a communication problem, so i prefer being direct. thankfully, he appreciates that part of me and it makes things so much easier. 

a big factor would be whether or not you have an understanding partner. 

[Aegyo]

I wouldn't recommend it to be honest..

It leaves a lot of room of unnecessary uncertainty.. Well at least to me it did ! ..i'm not the clingy type of person, but I tend to overthink sometimes, which I know it can be toxic.

I have tried it once, at the beginning it was ok I guess, but later on, I felt that we started to lose interest, I felt that he started first, which obviously got me hurt, a while later i was pretty sure that he was cheating or at least he tried to convince me pretending that he was so we can fight and then he can break free from it...and it worked ! because we broke up!

A while later, he came back from his travels, he gave me plenty of excuses why we had to break up, also denied all the cheating speculations (still don't believe him lol)..my dumbass decided to give him a chance and got back together with him.. and it wasn't the same thing, I don't know whether it was the cheating suspicion that was still in my head from back then, or it just the distance was a big factor because my feelings towards him had changed  completely. I was more attracted to him when he was away lol, and at last i called it quits

Anyways, the short of it do not do it lmfao.

[Seja]

Very difficult. Relationship means mutual givings and sharings. How to share and give in long distance relationship? It is better to stay close. 

[CharlieWex]

I don't think they are complicated in principle. I can prove it to you with my own example. My girlfriend and I have been together for a year now. Before that we had been living apart for a long time and I can say with certainty that it was a real challenge but it is not as difficult as you might think at first glance. I think it all depends on the people in the first place and their attitude. 

[Infinitea]

Personally, I think it's really hard, but I guess it also just depends how the two people going into the relationship are.