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blond jenissi

I need advice about a relationship problem..

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Idk who else to talk about this..

So I met a guy this summer and we casually dated till the end of September bc then he moved in another city. So after some weeks he hit me up saying he wants me to visit (he couldnt visit bc uni + work) and he wants us to have a relationship. I travel there, it was for less than a week and we had a good time. Then when I'm back home and we start talking less and less, I tried texting often even tho I was very busy but he would take even days to reply but I didnt get  annoyed bc ik he had a lot of things going on.

So Xmas is near and he text me to ask me to visit again. I said ok and I travel there again and at first it was fun. Then one day when he was at work I was bored at his apt alone and I started cleaning. I finally decided to take out the trash and I go empty the bin from his room - to my syrprise there were many condoms there (which definitely hadnt been used with me). I didnt know what to do, I just didnt empty the bin and didnt bring it up for days bc i guess i was afraid to hear the explanation or i thought he would think I was searching his stuff .. When i finally brought it up he said he "gave his place to a dude" and they werent his. He asked how long did i knew this and I said some days now and he seemed sad I was worried for days. I decided I should believe him, or I just wanted to believe him.

Another day, we were on the couch and his phone lit up and bc it was  next to me I accidentally saw notifications from Tinder and other apps like that. He didnt noticed I saw it and I didint bring that up either for days..... I just started not sleeping in the same bed w/ him anymore for a couple days till i figure out how to handle it. One day we finally slept together,  he feel asleep immediatly but I couldnt sleep, I kept thinking about that.. So i did something stupid and immature and fked up: I searched his phone. He had been talking with several girls on several dating apps, the more I read the more I felt sick to my stomach, I locked myself in the bathroom to ride out a really bad panic attack and pretended to be asleep till the evening to avoid him and to avoid an argurment bc that day his friend was also staying over and i didnt want him to have us suddenly arguing when he came to relax and see his friend. I only managed to ask if he had been "talking to other girls" when we were alone in the apt and he denied it.

I could find a plane ticket to get out of there (too expensive bc holiday season and even though I had a ticket for some days later to change the date I'd have to pay the difference which i also couldnt afford) and couldnt find another place to stay (also too expensive) so I decided to stay there some more days till the date of my ticket. One night I finally told him I did what i did and found out what i found out and we had a huge fight. I was upset bc when he told me he wants to be in a relationship with me I told him I'd accept only if he deleted those apps and he agreed, and when i asked about it he lied until now he couldnt denied anymore bc I saw the texts. 

Now I've been home for about a month and I tried breaking up with him but he kept saying he was stupid and he'll never do it again and bc I still love him I couldnt break up with him....... But I still feel upset about this, it fked up my already almost nonexisting self confidence and I dont think I'll be able to trust him again which is a huge ass problem in a long distance realtionship.

idk what to do, i feel like an idiot going to visit him and wasting my feelings, time and money, meeting his friends and relatives and investing so much in this emotionally.. but I also love him and cant bring myself to break up with him.

what the fck should i do??? (idk if all this makes sense bc I wrote this while upset and pissed of 🙂 )

 

-a mess of a person

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Honestly...I have been in a ldr with trust issues and its just...hell. from my experience.. theres just constant tension, being hurt, fighting. And i get that u love them so you wanna just go past it and it'll be cool for a period of time. but if trust is an issue, its just a cycle. and tbh, thats his own fault. hes the one who lied and hurt you. even if it hurts, i think its best if you just cut it off. it'll b hard to do, since u still love him, but ultimately will be for the best to find someone better, and more healthy relationship. i had to do the same thing. after so much arguing n back and forth, just have to cut it off, its for the best even if it hurts, good luck & hopefully if you decide that, you can find someone better for you. i would suggest not to let it drag too long. in my situation, we were tgt for almost 2 yr, and prob at least a yr of that, there was constant drama between us, when i had enough and dumped ha, i did it but i was heartbroken and didnt date again for awhile & have only recently gotten over her (this happen like 5 yrs ago yikes). the more you hang on the more it hurts to put an end to it. but im glad i did cuz, now i can see how unhealthy it was for me, and i deserve a better relationship. anyway yea good luck with it & hope u feel better abt it soon.

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i advise you to leave him, it may hurt to do so but it will hurt even more when you are back with him while stressing over the idea of him cheating again, and it will be worse if he indeed cheats again (it is quite common for cheaters to do it again once forgiven). there is more to life than just him.

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Men can be really good at apologizing while not meaning it at all. He's a manipulator. Drop him and move on. Don't let him talk to you. You're in a new chapter of your life now and he is not a character in it.

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Your first red flag should've been him asking you to spend money to visit him. Call me in traditional but if a guy wants you, he should be coming to YOU. If a guy is into you, busy or not, he will find a way. That alone should've told you where you stood with him. Then he asked you to do this again. I'm going to operate under the assumption each trip you two were.. romantic. 

Bottom line, this guy, while dating other girls (aka, not making you a priority), asked you to spend time and money to visit him, then takes days to even respond to a message afterwards; gets you to spend $$ and time again, then does the same thing. Girl you know exactly what to do, you just need to find the courage to just do it: block this douche and move on. There are plenty of wonderful guys out there and you deserve one that loves and respects you. This guy is neither. DROP HIM FAST. 

Edited by glitterallday
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17 hours ago, glitterallday said:

Your first red flag should've been him asking you to spend money to visit him. Call me in traditional but if a guy wants you, he should be coming to YOU. If a guy is into you, busy or not, he will find a way. That alone should've told you where you stood with him. Then he asked you to do this again. I'm going to operate under the assumption each trip you two were.. romantic. 

Bottom line, this guy, while dating other girls (aka, not making you a priority), asked you to spend time and money to visit him, then takes days to even respond to a message afterwards; gets you to spend $$ and time again, then does the same thing. Girl you know exactly what to do, you just need to find the courage to just do it: block this douche and move on. There are plenty of wonderful guys out there and you deserve one that loves and respects you. This guy is neither. DROP HIM FAST. 

I didnt want to ask him to contribute to the travel expenses bc he has tuition to pay while I dont and bc I'd live at his place. I couldnt ask him to come here bc he has a job and uni back at his city and he'd have to also pay for airbnb (I cant ask him to stay at my place bc I live with my mom still). I tend to be pretty dumb when it comes to relationships, I ignore all the red flags bc I love the other person so much...I finally broke up with him yesterday and while I'm happy I did, I'm also an emotional wreck and it's triggering my addictions and depression big time :) 

___

Thank you to everyone who replied, I really appreciate it guys

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your boyfriend seems like he's cheating on you. i would break up with him if i were you tbh

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