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Do you think it's reasonable to be mean to a coworker, because they aren't that good at their job?


EasySteezy

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So my boss and I talked today and I mentioned I feel like a lot of the team doesn't like me. She said it's because people feel like I'm bad at my job and have too poor of a memory. 

People will glare at me, roll their eyes when I talk, yell at me in front of customers etc.

My  memory sadly is poor because I did a lot of hardcore partying ages 19-22 some of it being with pills that I now know affect memory BIG TIME! So because of past mistakes I tend to have to be reminded about how to make certain drinks. there's no recipe I can have in front of me or take home so I have to ask people. 

I want a new job because I think it's awful that people have to treat me like shit just because I'm a little stupid. I could've helped it in the past, but can't help it now. I want to have a better memory so bad, but my brain is fried.

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I personally don't think its okay for your coworkers to be mean to you since it can create a toxic work environment. I've experienced it before in my old job and it felt shitty because i feel unwanted where people weren't eager to help me when I didn't know the answers to some questions. Even though I improved, I still had those days where they still had a bad attitude toward me. It can be helpful though if you confront them and asked them why they're acting that way. In addition if you try to improve and they're still being mean, you can report them to the manager or find a new job. 

Edited by kyulkyung
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It's never good to look down on people and treat them badly just because they may not be super adept at things imo. I can't say I never get annoyed at any of my coworkers if they are unable to do something that I find easy but I always do my best to help them and teach them without making them feel like shit. In general I try to keep up a positive and friendly attitude at work because being a negative asshole just makes everybody miserable, unfortunately a lot of people don't seem to understand that and treat their coworkers terribly. 

Sorry you have to go through that, all I can suggest is to let them know how they make you feel and hope that they can be understanding... doesn't guarantee they'll change their attitudes though sadly. 🙁 

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maybe it depends tbh...

there is coworker i have, and he has worked here  since before i have worked here, prob for a few years before bc hes worked here basically longer than almost everyone who works there now. and i started working in 2015, tho i did not have to work in same area as him until last march -> now. and what ive noticed is how he goes outside to smoke like, every hour. and he also only does short orders, so people likee me and the rest of my coworkers end up having to do order after order, that is x2 or x3 the units this guy does. when i noticed years ago, he was one of the faster worker. so idg, its not incompetence, its just he doesnt wanna pull his weight. which the first 2.5 years i worked here, i worked in another area, and was bullied by these 2 girls i had to work with, and i felt like shit but i was at least pulling my weight, prob do the amount of work myself, what they do tgt.

tho not everyone can be perfect and best worker, it takes learning and some people just have their difficulty, so if its like what ur saying, and u just have difficulty with things, thats fucked up for coworkers to be rude to u. if possible, have you tried articulating that? like what im saying. when i notice how my coworker does only short orders, i'd try to get them instead of him, but i noticed how it made my coworkers see me how i see my coworker i dislike (and prob the rest do as well) so i stopped. and yea it sucks to be stuck hauling ass noticing that people go out of their way to do less work. but ultimately, i just have to do my job, and take solace in the fact that i know i shop more orders, and units, than those like him who go out of their way to do less work. i am irritatable tho so i cant say im never mean to him, but it is something i try to subdue but as long as he does what he does, me and my other coworkers are never going to like, not dislike him.

basically tldr, in general.. being mean to someone is shitty period. and its fucked up to do that to a coworker if they just are struggling and need to learn something. and not saying tis ok to, cuz as i said, i try not to.. but like im not losing sleep if im ever rude to someone who just goes out their way to do less work. ik its something i shouldnt do. but also me and rest of my coworker dislike him for this and complain abt it to eachother, so there is a very mutual dislike to him from us. and i think, we're not wrong in that.. we have to do a lot more work, when he does out of his way to not. (also idk if im making sense, we prob have diff sorts of jobs, for context, i work in a warehouse)

also OP, if they are outwardly bullying u or something, i think thats probably something you can report. if possible you could look at your company policies(we have ours stapled up in our breakroom) are they liek actively doing that. tho, as i said, i was bullied for a few years here, and reported it several times, but nothing happened. they;d have talks to the girls bullying me, but no reinforcement or punishment.(i will say tho, one of them i am like friends/acquaintance w/ now. the other quit awhile ago which is prob why i can get along w/ the other now, cuz the girl who quit prob influenced the other) so if it proceeds, and ur boss/coworkers are unresponsive, i recommend just looking for a new job.

Edited by hyunjae luvr
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3 minutes ago, hyunjae luvr said:

maybe it depends tbh...

there is coworker i have, and he has worked here  since before i have worked here, prob for a few years before bc hes worked here basically longer than almost everyone who works there now. and i started working in 2015, tho i did not have to work in same area as him until last march -> now. and what ive noticed is how he goes outside to smoke like, every hour. and he also only does short orders, so people likee me and the rest of my coworkers end up having to do order after order, that is x2 or x3 the units this guy does. when i noticed years ago, he was one of the faster worker. so idg, its not incompetence, its just he doesnt wanna pull his weight. which the first 2.5 years i worked here, i worked in another area, and was bullied by these 2 girls i had to work with, and i felt like shit but i was at least pulling my weight, prob do the amount of work myself, what they do tgt.

tho not everyone can be perfect and best worker, it takes learning and some people just have their difficulty, so if its like what ur saying, and u just have difficulty with things, thats fucked up for coworkers to be rude to u. if possible, have you tried articulating that? like what im saying. when i notice how my coworker does only short orders, i'd try to get them instead of him, but i noticed how it made my coworkers see me how i see my coworker i dislike (and prob the rest do as well) so i stopped. and yea it sucks to be stuck hauling ass noticing that people go out of their way to do less work. but ultimately, i just have to do my job, and take solace in the fact that i know i shop more orders, and units, than those like him who go out of their way to do less work. i am irritatable tho so i cant say im never mean to him, but it is something i try to subdue but as long as he does what he does, me and my other coworkers are never going to like, not dislike him.

basically tldr, in general.. being mean to someone is shitty period. and its fucked up to do that to a coworker if they just are struggling and need to learn something. and not saying tis ok to, cuz as i said, i try not to.. but like im not losing sleep if im ever rude to someone who just goes out their way to do less work. ik its something i shouldnt do. but also me and rest of my coworker dislike him for this and complain abt it to eachother, so there is a very mutual dislike to him from us. and i think, we're not wrong in that.. we have to do a lot more work, when he does out of his way to not. (also idk if im making sense, we prob have diff sorts of jobs, for context, i work in a warehouse)

also OP, if they are outwardly bullying u or something, i think thats probably something you can report. if possible you could look at your company policies(we have ours stapled up in our breakroom) are they liek actively doing that. tho, as i said, i was bullied for a few years here, and reported it several times, but nothing happened. they;d have talks to the girls bullying me, but no reinforcement or punishment.(i will say tho, one of them i am like friends/acquaintance w/ now. the other quit awhile ago which is prob why i can get along w/ the other now, cuz the girl who quit prob influenced the other) so if it proceeds, and ur boss/coworkers are unresponsive, i recommend just looking for a new job.

The thing that makes it extra ridiculous in my case is I've only been there a little over 2 months

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4 minutes ago, EasySteezy said:

The thing that makes it extra ridiculous in my case is I've only been there a little over 2 months

yea sorry if i didnt articulate that enough, but i think thats fine. a lot of my coworkers work here for months before they get a hang of it. but if its troubling you, its prob better to find work elsewhere. the reason i never quit was that i need a job, and i cant really do job with social interaction(like customer) so my options are limited. but if theres a suitable option u can find, you should try it

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Absolutely not. They're being unusually hostile. If they have issues with the way you work, coming up to you and explaining things is the only way to go about it. Getting yelled at in front of customers... that's just unacceptable.

I am not sure these people are the type to even appreciate dialogue so I don't know if I would recommend it. I have trouble with my memory too. I don't know why per se, it's a combination of lots of things. My medication is a big factor I think.

I've been keeping a notebook with me to remember things. At work, I work in an admin role and need to follow a bunch of steps to do anything. I cant remember some things often so I wrote it down after asking my boss. Its helped me not have to check on things with other people too much. Do you think you might want to try it?

To be clear, you don't deserve the bullying regardless of how you work. The notebook idea is just for self development and to feel more independent. Just having it with me makes me feel more confident.

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I think I have been in both side, or slightly at least.

My first ever summer job was waiter at the counter in a creamery. I'll say I got shit on the most when I was making mistakes or forgetting to clean stuff when there was a lot of customers. I was blocking other waiters command, an thus their customers and other customers etc.So high tension situation can make people irritating and nervous.

During one of my internship, there was that one dude who kinda lied to get the job. He also needed to feed his family so I thought it was fine to help him. So I was helping him in the beginning, like a lot, solving his bugs, explaining how to use the tools, sometime literally doing all the implementation of his components (2 hours each). But towards the end of the iteration (period when we have to deliver some part of the product), stuff get tense. I had the hardest tasks and I was still helping others but less, because people need to learn and start becoming a little independent. So when he was still asking me for help, in this time crunched situation, I was indeed having negative feeling about it. Never expressed anything verbally, yelled at him or insulted or ignored, in fact I was the closest coworker cracking jokes, another girl was hating on him for under performing. After that, he quit in the middle of the internship for a more IT rather than programming job and I was the only one that he said bye.

So I'll say, people may gets hateful if you obstruct their way towards something. For example, school projects: the teams want to get A, if someone under perform, things may get tense. If you're at a job, have a lot of tasks and you have performance evaluation and don't want to get fired, things may get tense too. Team competition on whatever sport or something else, people want to win, if you under perform ... There's usually an underlying reason. 

I think the best solution really is to show consistent improvement. 

Edited by Khyler
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Ideally it shouldn't be that way but I guess it depends on how a poor performance can affect the people that work around you. Personally I feel that if someone sucks at their job it shouldn't affect how I treat them as a person, so despite someone's flaws I think people should still be professional and mature enough to be respectful.

 

I've had coworkers that weren't very good at their jobs and I had a good relation with them and had conflicts with other people unrelated to their performances. So ultimately I see getting I see it as unrelated subjects where performance doesn't have a direct influence on how I treat people. However I think it's a very bad trait when people does a shitty job and yet they don't care and have poor work ethics overall.

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I think giving and receiving criticism is fair as long it's reasonable and rational. Now I dunno what your work entails to make people criticize your lack of good memory and also the workplace dynamic to make a good judgement of the situation. They seem pretty rude to say the least if they wanna call out your mistakes in front of customers. Even if it's two months only. Usually places would fire people they don't believe will improve after a week or two if not days.

If you and your co-workers are on equal foot, maybe you could have a conversation so maybe some understanding can be achieved. Now if they are really downright rude and you think they won't listen, maybe talk about it with your superior and see if he or she can mend this situation. Now if your workplace isn't good for this kinda conversation or your boss is part of the problem, it's basically endure the shit talk or quit.

I have been on both sides I guess. I usually try to not be confrontational. If I have to do the criticizing, I usually try to give tips on how to improve. Now if the co-worker is just a burden (it has to be really bad like an addicted person level who needs to seek help or a shitty entitled person), I will just report to the boss and be done with. No personal feelings. On the receiving end in my case I basically try to improve and prove them wrong or just quit. I have done both depending on how willing their are in changing their attitudes as well. Some places will just have shitty people all around. No need to waste your life on them.

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