Sooyoung's Wife 3,713 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 this isn't meant to be 18+, but informative. my friend told me i have a jaded and wistful view of love and sex in my writing since i've never experienced either one and it made me realize i have a really idealized version of it and if someone doesn't pop my bubble i'm afraid i'm gonna learn the hard way. they say sex (at least for women, generally) is not as great as it's made out to be (which i already know) but no one really gets into the emotional/mental side of things, which is the part i'm most concerned about. even today i read about a former fanfic author who used writing fics as a sexual outlet but when they finally had sex the rose-tinted image was shattered and she realized sex doesn't necessarily mean anything and it ruined their drive to write sex. i fear i'm gonna have the same reaction cuz my friend always tells me in fics they make sex something more than it really is which leads to this big expectation of sex and... yeah. after a decade of reading sex-heavy content + how it's portrayed in the media, i've internalized a lot of that expectation. so was sex like you thought it was after the first time/s you had it? romantic? not romantic? sexy? bland? disappointing? anti-climactic? emotional? how were you mentally during and after? what's something you wish you knew then that you know now? slap me with reality pls <3 (also yeah i know sex is different for anyone, but i'm asking for your personal experience so i don't have one idea of it in my mind.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gojo 3,258 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 overrated Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooyoung's Wife 3,713 Posted April 2, 2019 Author Share Posted April 2, 2019 overrated can you explain your mental and emotional state during/after? what made you feel like it was overrated? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quintessential 881 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 Who you have it with plays a massive part, my first time was shit because the guy was way more concerned with himself than with me. It actually put me off a little lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArchieTan 451 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 It's true fictions write pages and pages of describing details of sex as if they are describing some choreography. In reality, your focus is actually not on the details. I mean you realize what you are doing but you are more into the feels than where your hands and legs are. Also, writers are good at romanticizing trivial things. Reading something is different than doing it. Having said that, I have had good experience with sex, credits should go to my husband. And there are times when I feel like I am the heroine of some erotic novel lol. But yeah, it's a messy activity. It's not all flowery and rainbowy as we read in the books. Regarding that writer not writing about sex anymore, I can relate to it somewhat because even I have noticed that nowadays when I read romantic books, I tend to skip the part where they describe love making. I am like yeah yeah, been there done that, tell me something new. I hope this answers your questions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose. 4,207 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 That each girl's definition of "good in bed" are different Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coval 9,036 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 Try to relax Seriously I can't stress this enough You might be too excited or kinda scared that it will hurt But If you tense up he won't be able to fit it in without it hurting & don't focus on him more than yourself, make sure it feels good for you and that you are enjoying it You might prefer oral & foreplay to penetration so experiment a little Oh and try to pee afterwards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mirajess 1 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 Intresting topic. Now that i think about it i definitely have certain expectations. Like i know the first time will hurt but after that it supposed to be great from the way people put so much emphasis on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nelkoya 17,769 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 I had a very porn shaped image of sex before having my first time and that made me a lot complexed because I was really far from having the body that pornstars have. But luckily my first boyfriend made me realize that the physical aspect wasn't important at all in our sexual relationship. Like at first I even refused to undress in front of him and we would only have sex with the lights off. But with time he managed to make me realize that it wasn't important at all because we were in a long term relationship and sex wasn't only a physical thing. Like, we're not having sex for having sex but we're having sex because we're in love and we're attracted to each other. I don't know if I'm expressing that well but yeah that's the idea. And once I got at ease with that, sex felt even better lmao So yeah, try to be aware that sex as how you see it in sexual content is far from reality (unless it's a one night stand or something like that in which i guess the physical aspect matters a lot lmao). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
classiq 2,225 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 With fiction, if you read alot of books imagining how sex will be, there will be disappointment with the actual result. Sex will never be as great as the books. Once in a while, maybe yes, but not every instance. As for my experience, I hated it with my first boyfriend. It was just awful. Every single time. But now I just blame that we were both inexperienced. Later in life, with a different partner, it was so much better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
金彩媛 1,795 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 it's like the most overblown thing ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mephistopheles 1,933 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 sex is great. it's just that a lot of women are having bad sex lbr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gojo 3,258 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 can you explain your mental and emotional state during/after? what made you feel like it was overrated? it was good during the actual part ngl. I liked the excitement and how it felt. During the first few times, it kinda made me feel closer to them but after that I started feeling numb emotionally, and i couldn't stop asking myself "that's it?". I haven't had sex in a long time now but if i did, it would be purely for the pleasure. Same as kissing tbh. LOL Even then, i'd still prefer making out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Ayy Big Gay 8,172 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 that im gay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nimz 3,113 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 That men tend to be better with their fingers than their dick. Haven’t had relations with a woman so not sure what that’s like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooyoung's Wife 3,713 Posted April 2, 2019 Author Share Posted April 2, 2019 I had a very porn shaped image of sex before having my first time and that made me a lot complexed because I was really far from having the body that pornstars have. But luckily my first boyfriend made me realize that the physical aspect wasn't important at all in our sexual relationship. Like at first I even refused to undress in front of him and we would only have sex with the lights off. But with time he managed to make me realize that it wasn't important at all because we were in a long term relationship and sex wasn't only a physical thing. Like, we're not having sex for having sex but we're having sex because we're in love and we're attracted to each other. I don't know if I'm expressing that well but yeah that's the idea. And once I got at ease with that, sex felt even better lmao So yeah, try to be aware that sex as how you see it in sexual content is far from reality (unless it's a one night stand or something like that in which i guess the physical aspect matters a lot lmao). i already have issues with my body and those petite, skinny, flawless-skinned porn stars make me extremely, extremely self-conscious about my own when i think about my future partner seeing me naked. i don't even like my really close friends seeing me nude. i don't know how i'm gonna get over it. i just feel like once they see my body they're gonna get turned off, even if we have a strong emotional connection, cuz it's not like the kind of bodies you see in porn or movies and it'll ruin their expectations or the mental image they had in their mind beforehand and be disgusted. i know if that happens they're not right for me but i can't help being ashamed i don't fit into the mold of these porn star bodies bc they're the image of what is desirable (in a general sense). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Drama Drama 3,399 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 Men shows their authentic face post the first time. If he is good man he is so sweet. If he played with you... sorry sweety. In my personal experience was so rare. My lover list is rare. I have my type but at same time each lover had their personal grace what other didn't got. When I had less experience I had a lot of problems because I romantized and wished my lover fell in love with me and live together our personal Koizora or 3 steps above heaven. I had a lot of problems for wish to romantize all my lovers. It's not good because not all men wish a date for being future boyfriend with good intentions and it's not easy detect the good intentions and the bad intentions. The elemental to having good sex is connect with kisses and touch. Never have sex with a boy who don't generate desire with kisses and touch. If you have wish of having sex only for desire you need to have a strong mentality because people judge a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nelkoya 17,769 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 i already have issues with my body and those petite, skinny, flawless-skinned porn stars make me extremely, extremely self-conscious about my own when i think about my future partner seeing me naked. i don't even like my really close friends seeing me nude. i don't know how i'm gonna get over it. i just feel like once they see my body they're gonna get turned off, even if we have a strong emotional connection, cuz it's not like the kind of bodies you see in porn or movies and it'll ruin their expectations or the mental image they had in their mind beforehand and be disgusted. i know if that happens they're not right for me but i can't help being ashamed i don't fit into the mold of these porn star bodies bc they're the image of what is desirable (in a general sense). yeah I felt exactly the same way but if you're with someone that really loves you, they'll get over that. We tend to see our bodies way less attractive that it really is and in the eyes of someone that loves you, you'll be attractive no matter what. I can't give much advice on that, what worked with me is time because I got closer to my ex boyfriend and he reassured me all the time about that so after some time I stopped being too complexed about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
junmyeonsnoodle 1,074 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 Sex is easy, but actual intimacy is so hard- finding a person where both of these are feel good/right has not happened for me so far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joon 8,222 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 First time was awkward but didn’t feel bad, just awkward. TBH I love sex. But I learned that for me, an emotional connection is needed to make sex feel -really- great. Also dick size truly ain’t shit, I think a lot of that is mental too. Tbh our brains play a big role in the pleasure we get during sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nsfw 5,494 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 Nothing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.Skinny-penis 2,876 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 i just feel empty and violated it weird i thought sex would be much nicer but its overrated af Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dn eend 52 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 Nothing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
won15elf 108 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 it matters who you have it with cause if there is no connection honestly it won't feel good. honestly im glad my first time was with someone i trust and love so it was a good experience. tbh sex is overrated Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deobizone 7,778 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 It depend if you have it with 'right' person. i mean the idealized version of sex thats in fiction can be that way: ideal if you have it with someone you love. i have sort of jaded, in a way.. view of sex atm because these days i am only hooking up with stranger, or my ex who i dated for almost 2 years, but broke my heart & cheated on me. theres not feelings there, its really just using e/o for pleasure. but having it with someone you're in love with is great. also im a lesbian so many im different hhhh i hear a lot of times that men can be selfish and over it once they've come. like my sex currently with my ex, is not as good as it was when we were tgt. but thatsbecause theres no feeling there anymore. it isnt romantic after, but it was when we were dating. my view on sex is jaded sorta, but its still enjoyable. but i havent had i guess, sex where love is involved, since we stopped dating in fall 2017. on another note, sex is very exhausting for me. in a sorta being overwhelmed sorta way. idt i can describe it well w/o being tmi hhhh. but yeah its nice feeling, but also very physically and mentally overwhelming at times. like i just wanna stop and be done with it, but if i dont stop it, ill be back into it. so idt its notable issue or problem. just isnt idealized on cloud 9 sorta thing i guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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