How to deal with someone who has depression

[lilkay45]

So I believe my brother has depression or something. He has mental breakdown here and there. He said he feels really unhappy and depressed most of the time. When he gets really angry, he gets super stubborn and won’t listen to anyone. Whenever he’s angry, I tell my parents to let him cool down first. He’s going to see a therapist this Saturday. It sucks that our insurance with mental health is overbooked. It took him two months to get this appointment. Tbh I feel like I don’t really know how to deal with someone with depression. My family surely doesn’t know how to and especially my mom sometimes says the most unnecessary things when someone is upset. They don’t know how to deal with it. They are also very impatient with it too. I tell my parents what they should be patient and be very careful with words. They did try to comfort him when he has his mental breakdown. He said that he felt useless and he’s scared that he’s not gonna change. He even called the suicidal hotline once. I have tried to talk to him too. I lend him my self help books like the four agreements and the Magic of Tidying Up (Marie Kondo) don’t want to go into too details. I tell him he’s not alone and we are family. You are important to us. When you are hurt the family is hurt too. Etc. Sorry for the typos and perhaps the unorganized thoughts. I don’t want to go into too many details but for those who have dealt with depression or is still dealing with it. What would you like for family or friends to have done for you? For people who deal with someone who has depression, how do you cope with it? Honestly, it’s been rough these days.

[Rose.]

You gotta learn to listen and comfort without assuming or just telling them off. You gotta show support without being just blunt.

[Hunter]

I think for starters, if money is an issue, I'd use those free mental health lines. It might not be as effective as going to a therapist, but it's a start. There can be a lot of resources, you just have to look online. If he's in school, maybe the school can support him, by hiring a social worker. Just don't agitate him, I think self-help books are nice and all, but he has to realize himself that he needs to get help. 

[Shut Up And Take My Money]

I would have liked for them to acknowledge my issue especially since I flat out told them instead of the typical "what do you have to be depressed about" BS.

 

Sometimes all you can do is offer support and let them know that you care.

[B612]

 

 

There isn't much you can do from personal experience, and "being patient" is not always the best option since that opens door for abuse, people who have depression can be really manipulative too, again, it's from persona experience, ok?

 

My sister seems to be in a similar position as your brother, being angry and not listening and because everyone around me was trying so hard to make her life comfortable she took advantage of us and now sees her family as servants with no value other than something to sustain her life while she is in college, so don't fall for suicide threats and try to be strong on your position and don't accept bad things just because someone has mental health issues, there's no excuse, a bad behavior is a bad behavior no matter why. 

 

Now if you wanna know about MY experience, I had severe depression for 3 years and that made develop agoraphobia, I went to many doctors and most of them say that minor or severe irritation is one of the symptoms, the irritation is the scariest part and I believe it's what your brother is dealing with idk how severe it is (my sister level or mine) but I understand a lot of psychology and I knew that I should never throw my shit on people, before going to the doctor I thought I was bipolar because my mood would change constantly and I would get annoyed at my family for the stupidest things but I worked hard on making myself a decent human being and behave nicely with the people I own the most so because of my own experience I will never accept other people's shit no matter what they are dealing with.

 

My advice is: be supportive, even when your brother gets angry tell him you love him and you will be there for him, tell him he should be nice to your family and tell him he can tell you anything, there's no better therapy than opening up with your family, try to help him get a proper treatment and support him on taking medication when he sees the doctor, I know when I started to take antidepressants I had a lot of fear but it helped me so much to the point of not needing the anymore after 2 years 

 

but remember, there's only so much you can do for someone with depression and the person has to fight for their own health or it won't work no matter how much you love them 

 

 

 

[capital]

I think he probably needs hospitalization or institutionalizing for some time. Taking counselling is as first step is good, but you as a family must sit down and ask him if there's a why, if there is some aspect of his life which acts as trigger. He must feel that you as a family support him, but also want him to get better. (He must not feel ignored, or, that he has already been given up as lost case or hopeless by family. He shouldn't be allowed to blame - you or himself).

Depending on his (teen?) age, he'll require a hormone imbalance check too, if the counseller is allowed to note for one. If then, and the sadness seems generalized then visit to a psychiatrist (meds) may be required. Or otherwise, a psychologist who specializes with teen/children would be next step.

 

(I'm talking from our family's experience with a cousin brother who was pressured to study hard (so as to pass an exam and get into a top institute) and had a nervous breakdown. He also got a diagnosis of autism spectrum post that. He, on advice of doctor, was allowed to take a few months off by staying in a sanatorium where it was his decision to contact his family. Within months he got better, got a perspective on what he wanted, also as his parents had to speak to him with the doctor present he could be clear to them and understood them better too. Now, he's a architect (not engineer as his parents wanted) and has a much better relationship with his family - as he distances himself to a level so as not to be overwhelmed).

 

I commend you and wish you well. Depression is a serious illness and for friends/family outside the bubble it becomes very hard to know what to do - but you're trying to help, and already learning to do the correct things. May your victory be near!

[lilkay45]

You gotta learn to listen and comfort without assuming or just telling them off. You gotta show support without being just blunt.

Thanks for your advice. 

 

 

I think for starters, if money is an issue, I'd use those free mental health lines. It might not be as effective as going to a therapist, but it's a start. There can be a lot of resources, you just have to look online. If he's in school, maybe the school can support him, by hiring a social worker. Just don't agitate him, I think self-help books are nice and all, but he has to realize himself that he needs to get help. 

 

Thanks for the advice. I'll look into the free mental health lines.  

 

 

I would have liked for them to acknowledge my issue especially since I flat out told them instead of the typical "what do you have to be depressed about" BS.

 

Sometimes all you can do is offer support and let them know that you care.

 

I know how that feels. I feel like with my family when I tell them about my problems, they try to give me fast solutions instead of trying to empathize with me. Thanks for your advice. 

 

 

 

 

There isn't much you can do from personal experience, and "being patient" is not always the best option since that opens door for abuse, people who have depression can be really manipulative too, again, it's from persona experience, ok?

 

My sister seems to be in a similar position as your brother, being angry and not listening and because everyone around me was trying so hard to make her life comfortable she took advantage of us and now sees her family as servants with no value other than something to sustain her life while she is in college, so don't fall for suicide threats and try to be strong on your position and don't accept bad things just because someone has mental health issues, there's no excuse, a bad behavior is a bad behavior no matter why. 

 

Now if you wanna know about MY experience, I had severe depression for 3 years and that made develop agoraphobia, I went to many doctors and most of them say that minor or severe irritation is one of the symptoms, the irritation is the scariest part and I believe it's what your brother is dealing with idk how severe it is (my sister level or mine) but I understand a lot of psychology and I knew that I should never throw my shit on people, before going to the doctor I thought I was bipolar because my mood would change constantly and I would get annoyed at my family for the stupidest things but I worked hard on making myself a decent human being and behave nicely with the people I own the most so because of my own experience I will never accept other people's shit no matter what they are dealing with.

 

My advice is: be supportive, even when your brother gets angry tell him you love him and you will be there for him, tell him he should be nice to your family and tell him he can tell you anything, there's no better therapy than opening up with your family, try to help him get a proper treatment and support him on taking medication when he sees the doctor, I know when I started to take antidepressants I had a lot of fear but it helped me so much to the point of not needing the anymore after 2 years 

 

but remember, there's only so much you can do for someone with depression and the person has to fight for their own health or it won't work no matter how much you love them 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for sharing your personal story and advice. I'm glad you are better now. It gives me hope of my family getting through this. It's true that you can only do so much for a person with depression but it does hurt to see the whole family like this.

 

 

 

I think he probably needs hospitalization or institutionalizing for some time. Taking counselling is as first step is good, but you as a family must sit down and ask him if there's a why, if there is some aspect of his life which acts as trigger. He must feel that you as a family support him, but also want him to get better. (He must not feel ignored, or, that he has already been given up as lost case or hopeless by family. He shouldn't be allowed to blame - you or himself).

Depending on his (teen?) age, he'll require a hormone imbalance check too, if the counseller is allowed to note for one. If then, and the sadness seems generalized then visit to a psychiatrist (meds) may be required. Or otherwise, a psychologist who specializes with teen/children would be next step.

 

(I'm talking from our family's experience with a cousin brother who was pressured to study hard (so as to pass an exam and get into a top institute) and had a nervous breakdown. He also got a diagnosis of autism spectrum post that. He, on advice of doctor, was allowed to take a few months off by staying in a sanatorium where it was his decision to contact his family. Within months he got better, got a perspective on what he wanted, also as his parents had to speak to him with the doctor present he could be clear to them and understood them better too. Now, he's a architect (not engineer as his parents wanted) and has a much better relationship with his family - as he distances himself to a level so as not to be overwhelmed).

 

I commend you and wish you well. Depression is a serious illness and for friends/family outside the bubble it becomes very hard to know what to do - but you're trying to help, and already learning to do the correct things. May your victory be near!

 

Thank you for your advice, support, and sharing your family's experience. We mostly know why he is like this. But there are some aspects he doesn't want to tell us. Maybe he is scared that my whole family is freaked out. The important thing is that at least he is willing to go to therapist and from there maybe the therapist will have him do some test and maybe recommend him to a psychiatrist. I hope everything will be okay!