The Rant Thread

[freya]

I don't know... I can deal with people talking shit about me. I know me and I know where I'm heading and none of the bs will hurt me. Its when you target my mother, call her all sorts of things... I can't stand it. My mother has a masters, worked for most of her life when she could, raised 3 kids and is now handling a business. Yea she's not an engineer, and she's not a doctor; she is also not someone an insect like you can speak on. 

[Oli London]

Hypocritical yellowfacing to whitewashing bitches who stay silent on asian issues but when it comes to black issues y'all wanna speak on it?

Edited January 20, 2021 by Oli London

[Yukihime]

I don't even know how I feel atm. F**k MY LIFE I'M TIRED.

 

My dad and me just got into a car accident, thankfully no one was hurt, the other car didn't seem to have any damage (I really hope there isn't any hidden things) but ours is almost dead.

I ALWAYS tell him to be careful but nooo he's always in a hurry (for what ?), I know I shouldn't blame him, and that thinking about how this could have been avoided is useless, what's done is done and like I said the most important is that none was hurt.

But even though I try to act tough and kept on trying to reassure him, I can't focus on anything + have a huge headache suddenly + and worse I keep on shaking.

 

 Why can't I calm myself ??? It's nothing huge and I know that I have to reassure him again and again because of his mental and health state (he suffers from depression+anxiety and had a small heart attack 2weeks ago), I know the tiniest thing can set him off an make him go back to square one so I HAVE to be the calm one but I'm just ... tired.

 

I'm already 27 and still living with my parents, barely able to save money even though I work full time because since my dad can't work I'm the one holding the family afloat. Which also means that IF that woman we had an accident with has something on her car I will have to pay thousands since my dad was the one in the wrong, I keep on saying "don't worry her car has nothing" while in fact I'm PRAYING I'm right, I can't allow myself to be into debt.

 

I'm so exhausted and I wish I would control my body's reaction and also force my brain to believe what I tell my dad to reassure him but nope.

How I wish I would have a "normal" life, like most people my age, you know having MY flat, my place, having to worry about MYSELF first and foremost, being able to save the money I work so hard for. 

I keep on asking myself, why do things always go wrong ? When will things go in the right direction ?

Edited January 21, 2021 by Yukihime

[Oli London]

Can men like stop wanting things from me? Like get the fuck away from me.

[deobizone]

It feels like i will just never be let alone. Someone is always targeting me. Like... i grew up bullied often by neighbors/classmates - and hit by my dad or sister (or witness my dad hit my sister. Which she took out on me beatimg me up,srsly more days than not) until i was 11, we moved far away from any family.. and it got worse. I was bullied outside of home at the time tho. Until i was 14/15. We moved back & in with my grandparents for a year (after my dad was arrested for domestic violence ) tho i will say in high school i wasnt "bullied" but miserable anw due to how depressed ive got to that point. ffw to when im 18 and start my job. First 2.5 year im bullied everyday until i try to change my shift to morning. But can only change 2/5. Im treated pretty shitty next 2.5 year, esp the last year id say i am being "bullied" again.  Not as direct as before but yea. Its like when i notice everyone glare at me bc the few ppl who hate me go spread it to everyone and not like im friends w them for them to be like "ok that's not ok stop talkimg about her to me" at this point im working 4/6 shifts a week at night.  Im able to change it like mid last year so that 5/6 my shift are in morning. They give me half a year off ig now im being bullied again samd way as last time.  Nothing i can do this time.  Im not changing my shift back to nighttime.  But tbh most night worker are like barely adult and they're decent to me now,  i don't hold grudge on them, ffs i don't even hold grudge on the 2 chicks that bullied me for 2 yr. But these morning coworker..ffs, the one hating me goimg around gissiping ab me getting everyone else to as well - 31 fucking years old. What is wrong with u? And most my coworkers are ab that age or older. Im only 23 and am still like "what a bitch" and see how fked it is how this chick goes around complaining to others as soon as someone mildly annoys her.  Even if i have nerve to complain idk if managers even believe me cuz she complain last week to them "im agressive" when I'm literally not.  If anything she is. And like 4 days later they had camera installed everywhere so hopefully theyll see in fine  And just do my job...shes the one who 1)agressive while working 2)stall to do short orders. I don't break as well most the time.  She does everyday which is fine but yea she does nothing most the time during shift anw. Srsly like ill do 75% od like a 100+ order in time it takes her to do one like 30 unit order. How do they just let ha do this daily for years? I even looked on computer next day i worked with ha after she started harassinf me (2 friday ago) and she did like 400 unit while i did almost 900.. most my coworker were at 400-600 unit maybe closest after me was 700 sumn.

Im good worker, but im always treated as fking garbage like this.  Im not asking to be their friend you know.  I just wanna be treated with respect and be left alone. I could prolly do even more work if the way im treated didn't have me crying 3-4 hours straight everytime i work with them. After the first day if third i thought itd go back to normal.  This btch being annoying af but i ignore it bc i don't want issue.  I get openly annoyed with her once and this what happened. God. And it hasnt yet but maybe give it a few weeks it will. She'll go back to trying to habe convo with me ab shit idgaf ab. "Can u get me __ off shelf" bc she too short .. no bitch find a ladder or climb x "can you held me move this" cuz shes too weak. No bitch suffer x but fr if she goes back to that im just ignoring her. And it might doom me and bring her bullying me back.  But whatever if that's the case. Idk how most ppl are like this you know... i alwsys think like "i cant be fake" like others.  Seems so gloating to say that but i don't mean like "im so real" but most ppl when they're annoyed with someone go bitch to someone.. when they're over it, don't reconcile the v issues but ignore.  It repeats, even switch the people.  Like bitcging ab who u bitched to, to the one u bitched ab before. I dunno if most people but i just notice ppl do this shit a lot.  I wouldn't say i "hold grudge" but ig i have this massive ptsd from years of abuse or bullying - no maybe its not good i "cant be fake". The ppl who abuse or trigger me consistently..i don't just give it time for me to get out of the mood they gave me and they're ok again?  You've hurt me immensely, you have to change for me to fwu again. And you know if i ignore my coworker when she decides she's over hating me.  I wonder if she'll realize like "hmm maybe it was fucked up for (so far) week straifht to be talking shit on her to every one of our coworkers to the point where she's crying for hours straight." Yea fuck no. She's a grown ass woman so she should know its wrong i just doubt she will.

Last week i got over it slightly not seeing her few days after and told myself... my coworkers prolly see this being extra and won't hate me right?  But on friday i really felt when i saw her doing the rounds talking ab me to everyone... idk maybe its the depression & avpd overpowering common sense... but it is possible they don't see what she's doing is wrong.  Even tho ive been vusibly crying like at leadt sev people notice it tho i try to keep my head down... i hope they realize its wrong but i can't have high hopes.  And funny thing is the people she talk shit to turn against me, she's unprompted talked shit to me ab, or i overhear her talking shit to others. And first, it hurts my feeling and torments me in a way, since i have pretty bad avpd, knowing people dislike me and knowing they openly talking ab it around me..seeing then scamper to someone to talk shit everytime i see them... but its just everything in my fucked up mind that gets me crying for hours. Mantras just start repeatimg in my head those hours. Everyone hates me.  I hate myself.  I wish i was dead. I wanna kms. I wish i was never born. Everyone's life is better without me.  Etc etc. I wonder if they knew i habe avpd, have had suicide ideation since before i was even preteen - would it make them stop? Leave me alone?  Think ab how they treat people like scum after smallest annoyance or indiscretion... stop being a fucking bully - or in case of my other coworkers, a bystander... i doubt it. They'd prolly just think im a freak. Just leave me alone. Keep being lazy worker or whatever idgaf. But just leave me alone...stop talkimg ab me.  If she does she'll just move on to someone else.. prolly not as targeted but there's always someone/thing to bitvh ab w this girl i swear. I wish she'd grow up really but  not like that's gonna suddenly happen. So plz just leave me alone. I wanna die more everyday having to be around her like this.  At least (before this even started tho) change my sched from tues my day off to thurs. She work mon & wed-thurs. So only work w her 3 days and gets day(s) off between ... that's good. Don't need to be nice to me or my friend..shes alwsys annoyed the fk outta me w how lazy she is so i don't wanna be friend or even friendly with ha. But id like tp not be bullied. And hate me,  but shut up ab it. At least don't turn others against me if theyre ok with or neutral of me. If you need to be gosdiping at least save it for out of work where i won't know it. Im not fucking stupid & i have eyes and ears ok... 

I had an incident in .. 2017 iirc where a coworker was calling me a bitch and asshole for no reason yelling at me infront of everyone (then ofc days after was smiling being nice to me or whatever..sighs. i can't. Its ok tho . I don't hold grudge it just triggered me a lot)...ive always held that in my peak of suicidal thoughts or desire.. that was the strongest point.  But how i feel these days cuz of this other coworker..definitely overpowers that one day in 2017 or w/e cuz this has been the feeling since 2 friday ago and guarentee when i work with her tmrw it prolly continue

[Mrs. Morale]

On 22/01/2021 at 7:03 PM, fullofjoy said:

I am 80% convinced they don't bathe 

I think they used my soap...I can't, I can't 

[Mrs. Morale]

On 21/01/2021 at 12:03 PM, Yukihime said:

I don't even know how I feel atm. F**k MY LIFE I'M TIRED.

 

My dad and me just got into a car accident, thankfully no one was hurt, the other car didn't seem to have any damage (I really hope there isn't any hidden things) but ours is almost dead.

I ALWAYS tell him to be careful but nooo he's always in a hurry (for what ?), I know I shouldn't blame him, and that thinking about how this could have been avoided is useless, what's done is done and like I said the most important is that none was hurt.

But even though I try to act tough and kept on trying to reassure him, I can't focus on anything + have a huge headache suddenly + and worse I keep on shaking.

 

 Why can't I calm myself ??? It's nothing huge and I know that I have to reassure him again and again because of his mental and health state (he suffers from depression+anxiety and had a small heart attack 2weeks ago), I know the tiniest thing can set him off an make him go back to square one so I HAVE to be the calm one but I'm just ... tired.

 

I'm already 27 and still living with my parents, barely able to save money even though I work full time because since my dad can't work I'm the one holding the family afloat. Which also means that IF that woman we had an accident with has something on her car I will have to pay thousands since my dad was the one in the wrong, I keep on saying "don't worry her car has nothing" while in fact I'm PRAYING I'm right, I can't allow myself to be into debt.

 

I'm so exhausted and I wish I would control my body's reaction and also force my brain to believe what I tell my dad to reassure him but nope.

How I wish I would have a "normal" life, like most people my age, you know having MY flat, my place, having to worry about MYSELF first and foremost, being able to save the money I work so hard for. 

I keep on asking myself, why do things always go wrong ? When will things go in the right direction ?

Are the only child your parents have?

[Yukihime]

2 hours ago, fullofjoy said:

Are the only child your parents have?

Nope I have a younger brother but well... Let's say he's rather detached and he's quite distant from my father. And also doesn't have a job.

[Mrs. Morale]

12 minutes ago, Yukihime said:

Nope I have a younger brother but well... Let's say he's rather detached and he's quite distant from my father. And also doesn't have a job.

Oh, understandable. I thought you would have probably had someone else to help out...but I guess not. Hopefully, everything will get better soon!

[Yukihime]

3 hours ago, fullofjoy said:

Oh, understandable. I thought you would have probably had someone else to help out...but I guess not. Hopefully, everything will get better soon!

Thank you ! It always makes things a bit better to have someone who cares

[SamuhaMe]

People who say I am shy and I loke to have my own space/introvert, NO I AM NOT. I just hate you and I am giving you signs to know why I always keep silent during your presence.

[Mrs. Morale]

God is a wick individual. All he does is sit up there & watch me suffer!

[Mrs. Morale]

 

I find this to be very disrespectful. I don't know if am overreacting or not. But I feel disrespected right now. It's 4 am in the morning, and can hear my nasty housemates having xxx. Yes that. I can't even say the word because I think am traumatize right now. Never in my 18 years of life, have I ever experienced such things. I call them "nasty housemates" not just because of what they do now but because they are dirty, stink, etc. They are not even trying to be quiet with it, I'm sure if I was anywhere in the house I could still hear them. I have headphones on listening to music right now, I have "I Can't Stop Me" on repeat for 30 minutes now so go stream!!! I don't even want to take off my headphones. I know they probably won't think I would wake up 4 am but of course I could, that's when I study but not today, I woke up because of my menstrual. I was in so much pain + I would have mess up myself & the bed if I didn't...so thank God I woke up. Anyway, I have been up for 1.5 hours now, I know I should go back sleep cause I have class @ 11am & I need to be up by 9 am to prepare for my class. 

Now, look I have gone off topic. This place is suppose to all girl home, right? We are not allow to bring boyfriends, etc over that what I was told at least. But why are there a girl & boy staying here? Well, apparently they are siblings, so the owner allowed it. I don't know if they siblings or not, or less they are two siblings that have xxx. And that don't sound right to me. Should I tell my mom or what? Since she's the one paying the rent, so she decide if I leave or stay.

Edit: My headphones battery is very low but don't want take it off. They probably finish but I can't, I don't want to -_-. I want to go use the bathroom now but I'm stuck, frozen solid in bed. Even my ass is burning me, and I still don't want to move. I don't them to know that am woke or they probably know that I'm awake (cause I did use the bathroom and they did see me go into the bathroom since they were in the kitchen, that was 30 minutes before they started) and they just probably don't care if I was awake or asleep. Maybe they thought I felt asleep when I went back in my room after using the bathroom.

Edited January 26, 2021 by fullofjoy

[Mrs. Morale]

The amount of money TWICE makes for JYPE. And all now them can't even get a decent MV. M&M and ICSM were tragic.

[Mrs. Morale]

Why do girls get menstrual!?

I'm in so much pain right now, f*ck this!

[Nelkoya]

I'm so tired of my neighborhood, on all the annoying thing they keep doing lately, now they found a new way to bother everyone

I'm having headaches lately, and those **** keep making their bikes roar right under my window. The noise is so loud and the smell of gaz... ugh.

What's the point of making those motor noises while you're not even riding it?! And it's at least 4 times a day for like 20 min

[Vagus]

I always have negative feelings, always take negative intentions from my friends, sometimes I think they are my best friends, but sometimes they bother me so much that I want to cry. I kept quiet, I knew if I said those words it would hurt. but my heart is broken .. I'm really a loner

[Anii]

I'm learning something new and it's already a mess. I went in with a positive mindset but when things didn't work out, I became so stressed that it's insane. I wanted to solve the problem by myself, but the issue I'm facing is something I've never encountered. So someone is helping me fix the problem. While that's nice, I feel useless. I wanted to do everything on my own, but I have to depend on someone. I hate asking for help when I'm determined to accomplish something entirely on my own. I HAD to face this issue. Why? Getting assistance is nice, but I wanna resolve issues quickly too. However, the error is kinda beyond my level so it's understandable that I'm getting help. This is frustrating me to the core since this is my first class. The stress is also showing on my body. I hate it.

Edited January 30, 2021 by PurpleAnii

[Seja]

Keep my distance is healthy. 

Edited November 13, 2021 by Gulagula

[love]

this new job of mine kinda sucks but i also don't want to give up/admit defeat so early.  i'm only doing it for experience but it's so hard to feel like i'm accomplishing anything when i have basically zero guidance and everyone is just as clueless as i am.

[kimvfilms]

Fucking stupid hangover I hate you so much you're killing me 

[kimvfilms]

tattoo boy pls stop calling me you were nice when I got my tattoo but that's it 

[Anii]

Spoiler

A list of my problems I'm facing right now since I need to get it out:

1. Online classes are taking a toll on me. I live in a different country and the time zone difference is affecting me. I have classes at midnight and I can't even watch and pay attention to most of them. 

2. My stupid professor can't communicate properly. I want CLEAR instructions.

3. To make matters worse, I have to do an assignment with a partner who lives in another country, so working with him is tiring. Speaking of work, we haven't even started. I sent him some messages, and he replied, saying that he doesn't understand what's going on in class. I guess I have to work on this entire 'group' assignment by myself which is due tomorrow.

4. We communicate by text messages, but my father recently changed my phone's connection which has resulted in me being allowed to send only like 5 messages a day. So I had to use my father's phone as he was getting things fixed. Today, just when I was gonna ask my partner his email ID, my phone didn't allow me to send any more messages. I went to my father who raised his voice against me for showing some frustration. I didn't even ask that dumb bitch to switch internet providers, but he did and now I'm facing problems. I didn't even get mad, I was a bit frustrated, but that was enough to make him angry. He knows he made a mistake. Pathetic.

5. People have sky-high expectations for me in academics. When I was really young, I was a curious mind, but I didn't do well in my studies. Hard work and a good sprinkle of abuse turned me into someone who was able to do well - so well that all the teachers considered me as one of their best students. However, the amount of pressure you have when you're a topper is fucking insane. I still remember when I came home from school one day and my mother told me that I did very bad in my exam. Turns out, I got the third highest mark in class, but that wasn't good enough. In 10th grade, there was a period when I was in a slump. I will never forget how the teachers were disappointed in me. They openly talked about my poor performance with other students. Am I not allowed to fail or make mistakes? What about all the times I did well? This pressure increased my expectations and whenever I was not satisfied with my grades and told my friends about it, they would tell me to stop complaining or showing off since they did much worse than me. The thing is, I never wanted to show off. I hate showing off. It's just that others' expectations shaped me to be like this. During that slump, one girl said, "I can't believe I scored higher than PurpleAnii!" I scored higher than her every time and the one time I didn't do well, she had to rub it in my face. I never enjoy pulling people down so why did she have to do it? People's parents be buying them everything and anything just for passing the damn exam and here I am doing well and for what? My first online college semester was a mess for me mentally, but I ended up on the dean's list. Others would celebrate. I just don't know how to feel about this. I'm numb. Also, people loved using me. I got like 10 calls a day to help people with assignments and answer their questions, but when I needed help no one responded. Absolutely no one. 

6. I hate social media. I should probably leave. People are dancing, singing, looking like models, editing, painting, and whatnot. I feel useless. I want to engage in other activities when I'm free but I can't. I just end up glued to my phone listening to music. I'm surprised I was able to do some art in the past few months.

7. I think I have BDD. I know one shouldn't self-diagnose, but the signs are clear as day. I spend hours worrying about how I look. I met with a few people recently and they said I look really good, but I don't see it. I genuinely don't. I don't even know how I look. My mom was renowned for her looks and even made it past a round for Miss World/Miss Universe years ago. I feel like an ogre next to her. She says I'm beautiful. My brother says I'm beautiful. My friends were genuinely shocked after seeing me post-quarantine as "I'm beautiful/hot." Yeah, no. I don't see it.

8. I want to reconnect with my old classmates by meeting them, but there's always something getting in the way. I know, it's not their fault if they have things to do, but fuck them. If they really wanted to meet me, they'd try to make space in their schedules. I've contacted them over and over again and it's like I'm talking to a wall. I'm not jobless. I can't keep begging you to come.

9. I'm bi. Well, that's going to be a fun journey.

10. There's so much work to do. How do people who have such social lives balance fun and work?

11. My sleep schedule is messed up. My chronic pain is affecting me. I might have to go to the doctor this week.

12. I'm awkward and generally hate human touch, but I'm really craving it recently. I have no one. I feel lonely.

13. Have I chosen the right major? This question has been bugging me for the past few weeks.

I just don't know anymore....

Mini rant: I wrote two programs and both of them are correct logically. It's just that I made a careless mistakes in each arrghhh.

 

Edited February 7, 2021 by PurpleAnii

[Zack Morris]

The fact that sundown towns still exist in the 21st century both depresses and terrifies me. Minorities will never be able to live in peace in this country and its just sad to think about. What drives people to hate another group they’ve never even met before? It’s maddening. 

[Oli London]

These yellowfacing bitches still dead silent on the attacks on elderly asians.