my history with depression

[binsbins]

so, this is something i’ve never really talked about in public before, so please forgive me if it comes out a bit too long and all over the place. when i saw this event, i knew i had to post this before i lost my nerve
 
i think most of you guys know this, but there’s several types of depression; they all have similar symptoms, but they’re not exactly the same
 
so. when i was 10-11, i started having a lot of trouble in school, which was very surprising to my parents because i had always being a very bright child. but now, i felt drained all the time, like i never had any energy. i couldn’t really concentrate on anything, i lost interest in all of my hobbies, and my appetite diminished to the point where i forgot to eat for full days. after many rounds of doctor appointments and examinations, i was diagnosed with dysthymia (now known as a type of persistent depressive disorder)
 
the thing about this is that depression is really common in japan, but no one really talks about it. this is hard to explain to people who didn’t grow up in the same cultural mindset, but basically, in japan, the pressure to conform to the standards of society is way stronger than here in the west, so anything that would deviate from the norm – including any sort of mental illness – is just never discussed out loud. and yes, there is definitely a stigma against mental illnesses everywhere, but as someone who has lived both there and here, i can guarantee that it’s way harsher in japan
 
i was lucky to have a supportive, unconventional family. my parents are very open-minded, approachable people, and they used to travel a lot before my siblings and i were born, so they had very non-traditional views on most subjects and raised us similarly. when i was diagnosed, they helped me a lot, and i am incredibly grateful to them for that, especially since i know i’m sadly in a very small minority when it comes to this. even so, we never really discussed it with anyone, not even my grandparents or my aunts and uncles
 
i had been in treatment for a few years already when my older brother was diagnosed with leukemia. we were four siblings – i am the youngest, and he was the oldest – and he was my best friend in the entire world. when he passed away, it felt like a part of me passed away with him, and i still feel his absence so sharply sometimes that it’s like no time has passed at all
 
during that first year, though, i felt like that all of the time. i was diagnosed as going through a major depressive episode (MDE) on top of my regular, more manageable depression. this is when i developed my insomnia, which i still have to take medication for, and i lost so much weight that i fainted frequently from low blood pressure (on one memorable occasion, i fainted in the middle of a french test)
 
what kept me going, weirdly enough, was my brother. whenever i started shutting down and going into this dark spiral of ‘i’ll never get better, what’s the point’, i’d remember him, and how brave he was until the very end. it got easier then, because i always wanted to be like him. i couldn’t be sure if i’d ever get better, but i had my family supporting me, and i had an example to look up to, so i owed it to myself to try my best
 
i’m now 22 years old, twice as old as when i was first diagnosed. i still need medication to sleep, but i haven’t taken antidepressants in well over a year now. my weight has stabilized in a healthy range for my height, and my blood pressure got a lot better too. i still see my therapist sometimes, mostly to check in, and i still get days when i don’t want to leave the bed, but i know how much time i can afford to give myself. i know how to identify my moods, and what to do with them.
 
i’m not ashamed anymore. what i went through doesn’t define me, and i came out of it a stronger person, with a deeper knowledge of myself. i’m thankful to everyone who has helped me through this, and i’m hopeful about the future in a way i could never have imagined i’d ever be.
 
thank you very much to everyone who read this whole monster of a confession â™¡
 
if you ever need anyone to talk to, whoever you are, my ask box is always open. i know i wouldn’t be here without the support system i had, and if i can help anyone along their own journey, i’d be more than happy to
 
be safe, be strong. you are not alone â™¡

[Nimz]

Thank you so much for sharing. I wish you all the best for your present and your future~

 

[pinkeuphoria]

Thank you for sharing! <3

 

I've been going through depression for so many years, and it feels like I'm never going to get out of it. There are so many times I've wanted to give up on everything, even today. So thank you so much for sharing, because your post is a helpful reminder that things can get better. It's really inspiring to hear that you've gotten better, and I hope for and wish the best for you. I'm sure your brother would be happy to see how strong you are ^_^

[NightrosePikachu]

Glad you are doing better! It really takes a lot of courage to talk about your problems to someone especially in that kind of setting. So proud of you and hope this helps others to fight their own fights. 

[OutroTear]

i’m now 22 years old, twice as old as when i was first diagnosed. i still need medication to sleep, but i haven’t taken antidepressants in well over a year now. my weight has stabilized in a healthy range for my height, and my blood pressure got a lot better too. i still see my therapist sometimes, mostly to check in, and i still get days when i don’t want to leave the bed, but i know how much time i can afford to give myself. i know how to identify my moods, and what to do with them.

 

i’m not ashamed anymore. what i went through doesn’t define me, and i came out of it a stronger person, with a deeper knowledge of myself. i’m thankful to everyone who has helped me through this, and i’m hopeful about the future in a way i could never have imagined i’d ever be.

 

 

This part made me really happy  I'm glad you are feeling better.

[dnb]

My goodness.  Best of luck to you as you continue on your journey.

[accidie]

i’m not ashamed anymore. what i went through doesn’t define me, and i came out of it a stronger person, with a deeper knowledge of myself. i’m thankful to everyone who has helped me through this, and i’m hopeful about the future in a way i could never have imagined i’d ever be.

 

as someone who's also struggling, i hope one day i'll have the chance to say these exact words

 

thank you so much for sharing

[Nsfw]

<3

[Edgemoon]

Thanks for sharing, I'm happy for your weight, we really are not alone

[JihyoStoleMyHeartAYAYAY]

Thank you so much for sharing. I wish you all the best for your present and your future~

 

[Antares]

Thanks so much for sharing your story ♥

[eunheart]

 

 

binsbins, I'm thankful to know you have such a warm family behind you. I'm thankful that you find the one reason to keep you going. And I'm grateful to see you're really going for a better you day by day. Your story really a heartwarming and motivating. I hope your courage will be able to be help to others who's fighting for the similar causes.

binsbins, best wishes for you to succeed even more in your life. Thanks for sharing your beautiful story. Indeed, you are not alone ♥