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Gospel Truth

Do you think it's racist to not wanna date someone of your own ethnicity or race?

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I'm desi and personally I really wouldn't want to date a desi guy for several reasons which are all more personal I guess.

 

Just from experience and from what I see around me. I also don't like the family structure (?) after marriage in our culture. I just don't want to end up with a desi dude. I wouldn't cancel every desi guy immediately, but I probably wouldn't approach one on my own.

 

I think because I have those thoughts already, I'm less attracted to desi guys. I'm super attracted to desi girls, though. But then again, I don't expect to come out and get married w/ a woman (sadly).

 

Other than that, I don't have a preference in dating, but it's kinda odd for me to realize that I do tend to avoid dating desi guys.

 

Is that racist?

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Most of the time, I think its a result of racism from others that one has internalized yes

 

In your case I think its just that you let the bad parts of your own culture dictate how you view your future may be if you end up with someone of your own culture. And I don't think this is your fault, its something that pretty much all of us POC are indirectly taught to do by society. It's not necessarily something that one can help unless one directly addresses it and tries to overcome it.

 

Making a statement that you wouldn't approach one on your own kinda comes across as like you are turning your back on your culture, but at the same time doesn't really because you are also like implying that you are not opposed to marrying/dating any desi guy, just one that is more progressive in your opinion. I think that you're on a very slippery slope tbh but if you emphasize the end of the last statement I made maybe you will be able to overcome your internalized stereotyping.?

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I also don't want to date anyone from my own country as well, but that has less to do with race, and more to do with culture and upbringing. They are too sexist, homophobic, and religious and I don't want to raise kids in that kind of atmosphere. It's just a preference. 

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No its not. I mean I was the same until I met a desi guy who wasn't like that, wasn't culturally influenced and didn't have expectations of women that I could never want to fulfill.

 

It's hard feeling disconnected from cultural norms but its not racist.

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I also don't want to date anyone from my own country as well, but that has less to do with race, and more to do with culture and upbringing. They are too sexist, homophobic, and religious and I don't want to raise kids in that kind of atmosphere. It's just a preference. 

^ This

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You tend to notice the more standout toxic things about partners from the same ethnic background as you so I would say no, especially if their values aren't something you want to deal with in a relationship 

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my friend who is from HK says she doesn't want to date any east asian guys because they are sexist and I'm just like, you have a point there, but also I got news for you if you think white american guys are paragons of upholding equality and respecting women (she hasn't really tried dating yet so I think she's heard stories like we all have, but hearing it and being personally let down by men are two different things).

 

I mean it's up to her and I don't think it can be called racist but... its generalizing to assume that you can't find an ideal progressive partner in your own culture because white men are more likely to be slightly more progressive on a few issues just due to how western culture is. the reality is there are scummy men and kind, fair men everywhere, cuz there really isn't anywhere on earth that isn't patriarchal in some way

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1) There is no such thing as Desi. I have never heard an Indian use that term in real life.

 

2) It's really common among East Asians but then East Asians tend to be very pro-White. Indians are more moderate and centrist so they are more likely to date someone of their own race.

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No, not at all!

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1) There is no such thing as Desi. I have never heard an Indian use that term in real life.

 

2) It's really common among East Asians but then East Asians tend to be very pro-White. Indians are more moderate and centrist so they are more likely to date someone of their own race.

 

Everyone I know of who's desi and lives in the Netherlands like I do calls themselves desi

 

In Bangladesh though (where my parents are from) desi just means from the country and it's used to describe cultural stuff so like "desi clothes" or "desi food"

 

 

Desi folks can be quite pro-white too but a lot of them are huge nationalists and my family also has strong religious beliefs (we're muslim) so that's why they prefer to keep the family within our culture. Except Pakistanis.

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Everyone I know of who's desi and lives in the Netherlands like I do calls themselves desi

 

In Bangladesh though (where my parents are from) desi just means from the country and it's used to describe cultural stuff so like "desi clothes" or "desi food"

 

 

Desi folks can be quite pro-white too but a lot of them are huge nationalists and my family also has strong religious beliefs (we're muslim) so that's why they prefer to keep the family within our culture. Except Pakistanis.

 

Desi isn't used by Indians in the UK, Ireland, Singapore, Malaysia, Australia and New Zealand at least. Since you're Banlgadeshi, I know a lot of Paksitanis use the term, so maybe it's a Muslim thing.

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Desi isn't used by Indians in the UK, Ireland, Singapore, Malaysia, Australia and New Zealand at least. Since you're Banlgadeshi, I know a lot of Paksitanis use the term, so maybe it's a Muslim thing.

Hmm maybe. My relatives and friends in the UK also call themselves Desi so that might be it :)

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people are allowed to have preferences in dating.

 

"No Chocolate, No Rice, No Spice" Grindr Teas

 

'No fats, no accents11" Tinder teas

 

 

OT: Internalize racism and self hate but in your case OP, it's just the cultural thing that puts you off so.. celestial5.gif

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