How should I handle the situation?

[kookiestealer]

I have started in a charity organization. The people that I work with are wonderful people, but the majority are males. I’m a very shy person and often withdraw myself from the situation or person/people if someone crosses a boundary.

 

Men in general are very bad in noticing that I’m interested in them. But I made a move on one of the guy (Lets call him X) and he seemed to take the hint after that and asked for my number at the end of the day.

 

Anyway, our team was heading for a new location and X offered that someone could ride with him. He looked at me and I got embarrassed and the Leader (!!!), who is a MAN, said: “I think she more wants to ride you†and laughed.

 

Everyone, including X seemed shocked and kind of laughed awkwardly. Now every time I’m near the leader I get very uncomfortable and he jokes all the time about how metoo has ruined everything etc.

[M0VH]

aww that's cute with X. 

 

 

And about your leader....umm for a professional environment, that comment about you and ride is so inappropriate. And how he says the metoo "ruined" everything? Like excuse me, ruined what exactly? That's not a very good flag even if it was a joke. 

 

It's kinda hard because he is the leader, but I suggest that don't be in a room alone with him if you feel uncomfortable with him. Or you two can privately (if you want to) talk to him about that comment and explain to him that it made you uncomfortable. And hopefully, he won't make those kind of references again. 

[UMJI MOODS]

Uggh. Have you got HHR in your organization? If so, talk to them.

[BadByeBae]

Yuck, I'm sorry, that's a hard one. I work in HR, and I SHOULD tell you to go to them.... but that's really company dependent if you can trust HR; in the end, they're there for the organization, not for the employees. Especially since this is the manager we're talking about. But if you get a good vibe from your Business Partner/HR, then it could be worth it so you don't just quit.

 

No matter what: start with writing it down. All of it; create a draft email in your personal email and when it happens write date, time, what was said and who was there to witness it. HR is all about receipts. If you see someone you're friendly with or could be be negatively effected, another woman, make an ally, maybe you'll find one who'll back you up.

 

Sadly, it's more of a campaign with managers like this than an attackable situation, you have to create a position of credibility. But if you'd like to stay in this job, yeah, start working on tracking the bad behavior to the point it can't be denied. No matter what, you are not alone; others are suffering too, and they can help if you can craft a situation where they won't feel vulnerable.

 

I'm so very sorry you have to deal with this.

[bronx.]

fire the leader 

[brume]

That leader is really unprofessional

[HoneyPopCupcake]

That's actually cute OP, take it lightly, nothing wrong with a guy liking you and you liking him back  

[Elyon]

That leader sucks. He is not a good leader if he makes anyone in the team feel uncomfortable. I guess it's difficult for you to discuss #metoo with him if you're extremely shy. Something easy you can do if you do want to challange his viewpoint, is ask specific examples of something that happened in his life that was ruined by #metoo (without making it sound like you're attacking him). Usually they can only come up with some fake story they read online. Though it's possible he'll make something up about himself or ''something that happened to his friend''... In that case just change the subject lol. But he knows in his heart that #metoo didn't ruin his life and he's full of shit.

 

Mister X seems to like you and hopefully will accept you the way you are, so there's no need to feel bad about being shy. I hope you can enjoy your time with X and manage to ignore Leader, I mean don't let him ruin this for you two.