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Banters gone bad


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GUys,

 

I messed up big time. But there's something I really need to get off my chest. Basically, I work with this guy and I HAD a small crush on him. We had bantered back and forth and I thought we were friends at least. He helped me a lot with my works, though he still made fun of me here and there ( not to be mean or anything, just to lighten the mood).

 

And then it all started with me being stupid. I drew a silly photo of him ( which I thought was funny, gave him two horns and looks like the demons) and apparently, he thought I made fun of him (I only knew that he's very sensitive later through someone else. I was to blame all alone, I overestimated our relationship/friendship. I bought gifts, left notes apologizing, tried to call him multiple times. Still, he didn't answer, he avoided all contacts with me. I felt so so bad, I didn't have the gut to show up to work for 1 whole month ( I can work at different labs for my job, plus I am horrible with confrontation, I can only hide my silly face).

 

Then our boss finally took action, she revealed to me that he said I upset him, but she refused to believe that he's without guilt either. Like he must have done something to upset you that bad so you were mean to him. She requested me to stop communicating with that guy COMPLETELY. And "he's not in a good place, he's fragile, he'll take any excuse", her words exactly. She wants me to work with the other guys since my career is more important. 

 

Even my mum told me to only care about the work, but I can't help caring about the people I work with. I am a tree hugger just like that. I feel really bad, I wish everything can get back to how it was. My job is suffocating sometimes and talking to him helped me, a lot.  If only I weren't that stupid and hurt his feelings

 

Today, I got back to the lab shortly, dude shaved his head and he honestly reminded me of the 2007 Britney. I was worried about his mentality (he had depression and anxiety before). And since tomorrow, I have to go back to the lab and start working in the same place as him. I don't know how to act, I don't know how he'll act. I. I can ignore him for a few hours or days, but for three years ( I'm in grad school)? It will be very awkward, please give me advise guys. I don't wanna make the environment suffocating for both of us. 

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I would say just act normal. People who are oversenstive read into everything. If you avoid him he'll probably think something stupid like you hate him now. And since he's talking to your boss, that'll get back to them as well.

 

You apologised for banter and jokes and did your best. If this person isn't going to accept it then well you can't do anything about it so why worry yourself?

 

You know you had good intentions right? and you've learnt to be more careful about reading people and their comfort levels. So that's the good that's come out of this

 

Your drawing isn't the cause of their issues anyway, there's other stuff there that you don't need to get into if you're cut off now so I don't think you need to feel guilty

 

Just talk when required, smile if your eyes meet like cordial workmates and I'm sure you'll be fine

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I think he took the drawing way too seriously. Don't avoid him, just talk when necessary and keep things professional.

 

It's great having coworkers to have fun and banter with, but everyone has their line you just have to maintain enough professionalism to not cross that line. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think you should listen to your boss. Like ok you messed up with the drawing but if you did apologize, tried to reach him several times, send notes to show you were only joking then that's a lot more of what most people would do to apologize to someone else; so his reaction is definitely too extreme, like he must have issues and if someone is that sensitive then you would do a lot better without having to deal with someone like that.

 

I mean the bloke shaved his head over a drawing, like wtf, and if he can't handle something like that, or accept your apologies then it's like your boss says.

 

For the record I've met someone like that, we're both guys so there's not any type of sexual tension but I've noticed him making jokes other companions, constantly flirting and stuff but he would take any joke directed to him BADLY and react like if he was a kid. It's like he can't take criticism or rejection very well and it gets worse if it's by a girl he likes. He has never gotten mad at me but that's because I just ignore him and don't even attempt to make jokes with him, I just let him do all the taking and pretend I agree with him.

 

So I suggest to just ignore him and stop feeling bad about what happened you already did more than enough and those type of issues he has have nothing to do with you and it's more something he has to resolve on his own.

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