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Why do people stay in shitty relationships?


Ihavepopcorn

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I'm reading this thread on reddit and I just don't get it. I can try to understand staying if the other person is physically abusive (because you're worried about your safety and what they might do to you if you leave without enough help) or if a child is involved, but otherwise it makes no sense to me. This entire thing is voluntary. You choose to enter into a relationship and you can leave at literally any point in time....so why stay? Why do you choose to dread going home? Why do you choose to put up with their bs when they don't want you to do x or hang out with y? Why do you choose to walk on eggshells and be unhappy? 

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I'm reading this thread on reddit and I just don't get it. I can try to understand staying if the other person is physically abusive (because you're worried about your safety and what they might do to you if you leave without enough help) or if a child is involved, but otherwise it makes no sense to me. This entire thing is voluntary. You choose to enter into a relationship and you can leave at literally any point in time....so why stay? Why do you choose to dread going home? Why do you choose to put up with their bs when they don't want you to do x or hang out with y? Why do you choose to walk on eggshells and be unhappy? 

 

Eh let's say it's good that at least you're trying to understand, if that's what you're really onto...

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Lack of self confidence, don't think they deserve better, may have been abused in the past, etc. Maybe the partner is manipulative. There's many different reasons why.

 

 

I don't think people really truly want to 'stay' in the relationship. No one wants to be abused.

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it's easy to just say 'why don't they leave' but abusers have their ways of trapping their partners. most abusers make promises to the victim and show immense love and comfort, but they flip like a switch. have you heard of the cycle of abuse

the abuser finds ways to lower their partner's self esteem too 

 

victims on the otherhand question their feelings for their abuser and keep going back. no one really wants to be abused

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it's easy to just say 'why don't they leave' but abusers have their ways of trapping their partners. most abusers make promises to the victim and show immense love and comfort, but they flip like a switch. have you heard of the cycle of abuse

the abuser finds ways to lower their partner's self esteem too 

 

victims on the otherhand question their feelings for their abuser and keep going back. no one really wants to be abused

 

 

Also, abusers know who they abuse. If they know is a person who values itself and is confident, it won't work. They know they need someone weak and insecure...

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When it’s mental the abuser usually knows how or what to say to keep them like guilting them (“how could you leave me after all I’ve done for you?â€) Or telling them nobody else would love them or is there for them (“you should be thankful that I’m even with you, I’m the best you’ll getâ€)

 

They usually also isolate the abused person so they feel like or actually don’t have anyone else to turn to for support, take control of their resources like funds so if they do leave they basically have to come back/they lose their independence and agency

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most of the time they are scared of changes, too used to being with the person etc it's mostly fear 

 

This is the reason I've stayed in shitty relationships for so long before finally getting the guts to end it.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 4 weeks later...

I was together with this guy.. I felt that he was a bad guy.. but I didn't want to leave him.. My heart and my head were different. I didn't want to miss all the memories and the memories to come, but being together with him I felt pressured to do things

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I've never been in that position, but there is a plethora of reasons. One could be that they feel they deserve it. Another could be that they are still afraid of ending it or unsure of wether or not they should. They might try to focus on al the good things and try to say that they weigh out the bad.

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