Do you agree society prefers superficial people, to those who are grounded?

[KaniPi]

(Probably a rant...)

 

I have noticed that nice and friendly people, who do not get involved in gossip (never say anything bad about anyone) are ignored mostly/hated, whereas the people who are superficial (engage in malicious gossip, rude, loud etc) people prefer their company. They are way more popular overall, and form more friendship groups, and even do better at getting into relationships.

 

Society does not support individuality.

 

Anyone who is different, is considered an outcast.

 

I'm introverted, but I really enjoy talking to others and getting to know people. I do not really do banter, but I like to talk about hobbies and various topics. However, if nobody takes interest in me, or if I feel that they are not genuine, then I become distant.

 

Then the problem becomes when I do my own thing, some people just get offended for some reason and become against me. There is this woman (I have never hardly talked to her, we are in different teams, but she seems to be really bitchy towards me for no reason at all).

 

I do not think I am a bad person in general, although I have a few things to work on like my anxiety/shyness, yet I am still really alone. Then I see people who I know are really bad, in such steady marriages/relationships. Then I ask myself, is it me that is the problem? Have I really got a bad personality that I cannot even form anything good with anyone. I have tried making friends, but they always leave for some reason or another.

 

People do not care if you are not genuine. They want entertainment. Someone who has significant power over others, whether that is your work position, or social standing with others, they will always be preferred, over someone who is honest with themselves and with others.

 

I understand that not all extroverted people are selfish, and introverted are better. However, from my experience those who are very loud and chatty, I find them to be the most self-centered, yet they are still popular.

 

...

 

 

I don't know. I just hate myself.

[Zhou JieQUEEN-ong]

Difference scares people, but yk in the end it doesnt matter what they think about you, being different is your uniqueness and you shouldnt feel bad for being like that. Its better to be different than just be like the rest of the world. 

 

Keep doing your thing, acceptance always comes.

[B612]

 

I don't know. I just hate myself.

 

 

It's hard for people to like people who don't like themselves, most people like to be around confident people even if they are bitchy 

 

I personally would like to be your friend, you seem to be a nice person and I agree with many of your points but I can see why you are having a hard time having more friends and getting into a relationship.  

[KaniPi]

Difference scares people, but yk in the end it doesnt matter what they think about you, being different is your uniqueness and you shouldnt feel bad for being like that. Its better to be different than just be like the rest of the world. 

 

Keep doing your thing, acceptance always comes.

 

Yeah, people think I am quiet but I am not that quiet that I cannot speak at all.

 

I do try to engage, but their talks are usually either malicious gossip, or pointless banter. Its too cliquey as well.

[Zhou JieQUEEN-ong]

Yeah, people think I am quiet but I am not that quiet that I cannot speak at all.

 

I do try to engage, but their talks are usually either malicious gossip, or pointless banter. Its too cliquey as well.

dont force yourself tho, interact with what make you feel good!

[KaniPi]

It's hard for people to like people who don't like themselves, most people like to be around confident people even if they are bitchy 

 

I personally would like to be your friend, you seem to be a nice person and I agree with many of your points but I can see why you are having a hard time having more friends and getting into a relationship.  

 

I am actually really friendly with people, but I don't know...

 

Guys say they like quiet girls, that seems like a lie. They always prefer outgoing ones.

[rejeshrimp]

i know a lot of people who mind their own business and have lots of friends, and they're generally vented to and trusted with 'secrets' if you may.

i think what you'll find is that though these people are popular, they're rarely trusted. 

[B612]

I am actually really friendly with people, but I don't know...

 

Guys say they like quiet girls, that seems like a lie. They always prefer outgoing ones.

 

I think guys like quiet girls AFTER they get in a relationship with them lol 

 

But if you wanna be noticed you have to put yourself out there, you know, flirt with them, even just a little will make a difference and they will show interest 

 

but don't push yourself too much or try to be someone you are not, even if you get more friends and get in a relationship if not for who you are things won't last long 

[Mingyu's Blue Hair]

(Probably a rant...)

 

I have noticed that nice and friendly people, who do not get involved in gossip (never say anything bad about anyone) are ignored mostly/hated, whereas the people who are superficial (engage in malicious gossip, rude, loud etc) people prefer their company. They are way more popular overall, and form more friendship groups, and even do better at getting into relationships.

 

Society does not support individuality.

 

Anyone who is different, is considered an outcast.

 

I'm introverted, but I really enjoy talking to others and getting to know people. I do not really do banter, but I like to talk about hobbies and various topics. However, if nobody takes interest in me, or if I feel that they are not genuine, then I become distant.

 

Then the problem becomes when I do my own thing, some people just get offended for some reason and become against me. There is this woman (I have never hardly talked to her, we are in different teams, but she seems to be really bitchy towards me for no reason at all).

 

I do not think I am a bad person in general, although I have a few things to work on like my anxiety/shyness, yet I am still really alone. Then I see people who I know are really bad, in such steady marriages/relationships. Then I ask myself, is it me that is the problem? Have I really got a bad personality that I cannot even form anything good with anyone. I have tried making friends, but they always leave for some reason or another.

 

People do not care if you are not genuine. They want entertainment. Someone who has significant power over others, whether that is your work position, or social standing with others, they will always be preferred, over someone who is honest with themselves and with others.

 

I understand that not all extroverted people are selfish, and introverted are better. However, from my experience those who are very loud and chatty, I find them to be the most self-centered, yet they are still popular.

 

...

 

 

I don't know. I just hate myself.

My character, thoughts, the things that happened to my before is the %100 same with you. But I think we should never see ourself wrong, bad, anormal just because we are different from them and they tag as weird. Being a nice, kind a must and good thing. Don't feel yourself ashamed because you are doing the right thing in your life. And never want to be as people who are wrong. It is a disrespectful thing to yourself.

[Suzy Quatro]

You shouldn't be too judgemental and problem is most likely a lack of social skills, although I do agree that society tends to value more certain traits of a more outgoing person; even if those traits point towards to a very clear personality disorder. Overall you need to come as someone more approachable.

[midnightdreams]

You shouldn't be too judgemental and problem is most likely a lack of social skills, although I do agree that society tends to value more certain traits of a more outgoing person; even if those traits point towards to a very clear personality disorder. Overall you need to come as someone more approachable.

agreed.

OP you seem to come off as all or nothing which may scare a lot of people away.

 

People like to meet people on a slower pace. You're like a blow torch while most prefer an oven. Malicious gossip isn't good. You may not like banter but there is some merit to it. Banter is what you use between 0 and 350 degrees.

 

I've had someone asking to be best friends after 2 months of knowing them. It comes off as really clingy/desperate/trying to use me for something (in this case knowing more people).

 

Do you smile to people? It'll really help how people perceive you if you acknowledge and give them a quick smile. You don't have to talk to them. Just smile while passing by.

 

Good luck OP

[cake mf]

Lol I have all those traits you said (seems rude, gossipy loud) but that’s not why people like me. The key is, I make people feel special and like they have someone from the second I meet them. But you can’t smother people either...Being confident is a part of it too. If you seem sure of yourself everyone else will be too.

 

Banter isn’t a bad thing. Neither is friendships not being genuine. I just want to learn everything about everyone. That’s all. I don’t really look for friendships as much as I do for people. Not everything is important or serious and that’s ok.

 

People just want entertainment. So what? If someone is so shallow they can’t enjoy your personality, keep them around to have fun with anyway. Life’s short.

[Maaike98]

Shyness and/or introvertness is not a bad trait at all! You don't hurt someone with it or make someone feel sad because of it. I think someone that is a bit shy and introverted is really interesting and a lot of times those people are super kind! My advice is: always stay out of gossip and focus on the good things. The right people that you need in your life will eventually come to you, no matter how long it takes! It took me 19 years to actually find people that really accept me for me and that match my way of thinking. Just be you and love you for you! I am still a bit shy aswell and I also am an introvert so I get what you're going through.  

[delirium]

Sometimes it seems that way depending on where you live, which is why things like twitter outrage, celebrities dragging each other, issues that bring drama at school, etc., get a massive amount of attention but when it comes to people putting their actions or money towards something good, it gets buried a lot or it doesn't happen. People fake the funk with words and others fall for it but that doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. There are 7 billion people in this world and plenty of people share similar thoughts. And sometimes, it is better to be on the outside looking in with a few others than to be on the inside, in the midst of chaos with the crowd.

[KaniPi]

Lol I have all those traits you said (seems rude, gossipy loud) but that’s not why people like me. The key is, I make people feel special and like they have someone from the second I meet them. But you can’t smother people either...Being confident is a part of it too. If you seem sure of yourself everyone else will be too.

 

Banter isn’t a bad thing. Neither is friendships not being genuine. I just want to learn everything about everyone. That’s all. I don’t really look for friendships as much as I do for people. Not everything is important or serious and that’s ok.

 

People just want entertainment. So what? If someone is so shallow they can’t enjoy your personality, keep them around to have fun with anyway. Life’s short.

 

That's your opinion, but I find those types of relationships very superficial. As we grow older, these types of things become even less important. All you want someone is to understand you, and when you connect with someone that type of feeling is beyond amazing. Its worth much more than simply being entertainment for shallow people. You're probably quite young so you don't see it yet, but society can easily turn against you once you're not useful to them in some way.

[cake mf]

That's your opinion, but I find those types of relationships very superficial. As we grow older, these types of things become even less important. All you want someone is to understand you, and when you connect with someone that type of feeling is beyond amazing. Its worth much more than simply being entertainment for shallow people. You're probably quite young so you don't see it yet, but society can easily turn against you once you're not useful to them in some way.

Lol I’m just trying to give a perspective of the ppl you hate. It’s a difference in personality too, my temperament just isn’t that of someone who wants a lot of close relationships. I keep my inner circle small but I do have lots of friends.

 

Plus shy ppl can be popular. A lot of my shy friends have a lot of friends bc of their talents and sweet personalities. Shy =/= social recluse lol. You can make tons of friends either way.