(asking advices) am i losing my best friend?

[rapmunsta.]

so uhhh, the story goes like this:

 

I'm dating a guy i've been working with for over a year and we've been dating since May this year - he is my first boyfriend. Ever since that happened my best friend of 9 years has been kind of "eh" with me - she blames me for no longer asking her to go do things together and so on. But i did do that a few times. Last time we went to the club together she met some guy and then started going to the beach with him and all. And it's been a few weeks since she spends all of her days meeting him in a city she used to qualify as "too far for her to go to" because of tiredness, when it was with me.

We already talked it out, she said she was too scared to come to me since she thought i was with my bf 24/7 and it was the reason why she was with that guy all the time... so i told her that was not the case, blah blah. I thought that would change something but nah.

Now i have to be the one texting her all the time, she would react fine to what i say, but she barely talks about her life anymore and doesn't continue on another conversation when the previous one ends. Like idk her anymore ???? Haven't heard of things about her life in months, and it's been 4 or 5 days since we haven't talked and i don't feel like making the first move AGAIN since i've done this for a while. She told me we would do things together but that never happened ?? I'm still waiting for her to ask me to do them with her. I'm on vacay for two weeks and I've nothing planned at all, i mentioned it to her a few times expecting her to react but she didn't so she is giving me "dgaf" vibes tbh

 

ANYWAY IT'S SUPER LONG. I KNOW but i hope i can still get an opinion from someone outside of my "circle" bc mind you she is my only friend lol

 

I feel like i'm losing her but then again she's been sometimes acting eh ever since she started working out - yes she grew confidence and that is SO good but now she would just go "i look much better than her" "she is ugly" "girl should work out because that butt......" even if she was as flat as a pancake before doing this. Like idk if we are now in different worlds or what but ??? we are nearly 22 y.o dang

 

Anyway i hope i'll get responses LOL bc i'm pretty sure she is making me look like the bad guy even if i've been the one making efforts - and i've never acted the same way as she did when she dated - especially when she was the one with her bfs 24/7

[amal.ha]

Well in my case , I'll keep making the effort till it works out . You've been friends for 9 years that means she is important to you . It's worth it .

 

Also, the moment both of you start thinking the other one should make the first move your relationship will just keep suffering.

[Maeo]

"Now i have to be the one texting her all the time, she would react fine to what i say, but she barely talks about her life anymore and doesn't continue on another conversation when the previous one end..."

 

just drop it, if you already had an *honest* conversation about it and it felt like it's gonna be ok but there's still no effort from her side there's no point in dragging it and giving yourself false hope. She may be your only friend but if that's the way she's treating you she's not worth your time and frustration

if you still like her you can just try staying casual friends, it's gonna be hard in the beginning but you're get over it with time, good luck!

[rapmunsta.]

but now i feel like she's pretty much upset so i don't feel like going back to her like it's nothing. like... i know her. she's posted a lot of stuff both of her snapchat and ig story and she doesn't bother watch mine - like, that sounds childish but she's acting that way when upset at someone, she ignores them.

 

I've tried talking it out to her a second time when she wasn't really opening up to me anymore, and her reaction was like... i was the bad guy, i was making feel her guilty on purpose and all

 

But not having a message from her after a few days makes me feel like she doesn't care, and maybe she prefers his company over mine tbh. Especially seeing how she doesn't tell me anything anymore

[xiaodery]

Idk but to me, a friendship doesn't have to be all about talking all the time and always doing stuff together. As people grow older and do different things in life, pursue different careers etc... it's not easy to keep talking to each other about every little thing and keep constant contact.

 

I have best friends to whom I only talk to occasionally and I don't see them regularly but that's fine. What matters is when you see them the next time, there is no awkwardness and you can still act as natural around them. Just give her some space, maybe it's what she needs. Try to make other friends

[rapmunsta.]

that's exactly what i'm thinking especially since i'm now working, i do have time to talk to her but not hang out all the time considering mby work schedule - especially since i'm working in a fast food for a little bit. but yeah i don't know, i've been okay about it at times but i feel like lately she's been throwing some shade tbh so i'm kinda ??? because i'll never be one to prefer hanging with my bf and forget about my best friend. like... for once i'm dating someone, this is something she should be cool with?

 

like she's had a "better" life than me tbh because her parents are quite wealthy so she was able to go study across the country and have a place to live there. the one time i left for my studies was just one hour away from my house, taking the train every day because my mom didn't have enough money to get me an apartment. she was able to go to parties, date and all that stuff and i was jealous because i never got that "chance" but i never acted the way she acts now that i have a bf..... so i don't get what's up. especially since i'm not living a different life from before

 

i'm literally just letting things go but i feel like she won't make the first move tbh

[KaniPi]

that's exactly what i'm thinking especially since i'm now working, i do have time to talk to her but not hang out all the time considering mby work schedule - especially since i'm working in a fast food for a little bit. but yeah i don't know, i've been okay about it at times but i feel like lately she's been throwing some shade tbh so i'm kinda ??? because i'll never be one to prefer hanging with my bf and forget about my best friend. like... for once i'm dating someone, this is something she should be cool with?

 

like she's had a "better" life than me tbh because her parents are quite wealthy so she was able to go study across the country and have a place to live there. the one time i left for my studies was just one hour away from my house, taking the train every day because my mom didn't have enough money to get me an apartment. she was able to go to parties, date and all that stuff and i was jealous because i never got that "chance" but i never acted the way she acts now that i have a bf..... so i don't get what's up. especially since i'm not living a different life from before

 

i'm literally just letting things go but i feel like she won't make the first move tbh

 

Its obvious she is jealous of your relationship. She sounds quite like a toxic person. Some people just suddenly change, you can't do anything about it. You have tried your best to open up to her, if she doesn't want to, thats her problem. If you value your friendship, then you might have to confront her. Sometimes being honest is better. If she still acts childish, then I would suggest moving on.

[Jurin � Onew]

your friend is .....difficult