Would you be okay with your bf having female friends he talks to regularly?

[café]

:thinking:

[Miekos]

Yes

[camelliabloom]

Yeah, my bf has some female friends.  We've had no problems with it.

 

The only deal breakers would be if the girl is persistently flirting with him, or if he or the girl had a crush on each other/wanted to date each other at one point and they're now "just friends."  The latter isn't really like a huge "You're cheating on me!" deal breaker but it just sounds super uncomfortable and I don't think I could be around that or trust it.

[flashfox]

yes no maybe

[katsu curry chips]

Yeah, my bf has some female friends.  The only deal breaker is if the girl is persistently flirting with him, or had a crush on him/wanted to date him at one point and they're now "just friends."  The latter isn't really like a huge deal breaker but it just sounds super uncomfortable and I don't think I could be around that.

[Mccuish]

If my future gf can't accept me being close to my best friend who is female and means the world to me you're not worth my time.

[Yonaisablink]

Yes. I have several male friends who are like my bros. I woUld give my bf the same freedom. Possessiveness is the downfall of a relationship

[Bluebells and Snowdrops]

Yeah, sure. If I am certain he doesn't have any romantic feelings for them, I don't see a problem. I might get worried if he starts acting suspiciously, though.

[joyvelvet.]

yes

[Sully]

Like some others have said, as long as he's never had feelings for her or dated her, and she's never had feelings for him. And as long as he doesn't start acting suspiciously, and when we're together he isn't constantly texting her, then I would be okay with it.

[Grape Soda]

Yea totally

[Daddy Marx]

Why would it be worrying that's just stupid

 

 

 

Like if he was bi does that mean I shouldn't be okay with him having male friends as well as female ones??

[café]

Why would it be worrying that's just stupid

 

 

 

Like if he was bi does that mean I shouldn't be okay with him having male friends as well as female ones??

It depends on his attitude and his friends' attitudes as well though. But yeah in general it's not worrying.

[Blink Once]

Yes. We need to cut that heteronormative and possessive bullshit because its not cute.

[café]

Yes. We need to cut that heteronormative and possessive bullshit because its not cute.

What possessive bullshit? I simply asked and didn't state my perspective because of a situation not even I am going through.

 

And heteronormative? You excuse me with your judgemental attitude. I asked from a perspective of a straight girl dating a straight man and the people who answered understood, but you chose to spin it as me being something I had to google.

[HoneyBee12]

Yeah, my bf has some female friends.  We've had no problems with it.

 

The only deal breakers would be if the girl is persistently flirting with him, or if he or the girl had a crush on each other/wanted to date each other at one point and they're now "just friends."  The latter isn't really like a huge "You're cheating on me!" deal breaker but it just sounds super uncomfortable and I don't think I could be around that or trust it.

That's why I find it hard sometimes. Sometimes you just can't control your feelings. Knowing and talking to people overtime can develop an interest/love. 

[HoneyBee12]

I would let him talk to them, but if things get suspicious I will start worrying. I think I would be getting him to make our relationship official and known first.. Being in a relationship does not mean that they can't talk to people of another gender regularly

[Kstarnet]

Like some others have said, as long as he's never had feelings for her or dated her, and she's never had feelings for him. And as long as he doesn't start acting suspiciously, and when we're together he isn't constantly texting her, then I would be okay with it.

[Blink Once]

What possessive bullshit? I simply asked and didn't state my perspective because of a situation not even I am going through.

 

And heteronormative? You excuse me with your judgemental attitude. I asked from a perspective of a straight girl dating a straight man and the people who answered understood, but you chose to spin it as me being something I had to google.

 

I didn't attack your opinion... unless that is your opinion. But I definitely didn't make this post with you and your thoughts in mind.

 

But lemme explain it like this... people (amongst all sexual preferences) are capable of holding platonic and romantic relationships with people of all genders. If someone is truly loyal to you in a romantic relationship, you shouldn't have to worry about them secretly dating other people. The idea that an adult cannot be trusted to maintain their loyalty and thus must be kept on a leash is a big part of what I meant by "possessive". It's not normal, and it's not OK. If someone is loyal, they don't need to be put through these unfair restrictions. If someone is not loyal, they're not gonna follow your rule and cheat on you anyways. Regardless, if you insist on sticking with this rule amongst your relationship, your partner's gonna disregard your "No friends of the opposite gender allowed!" rule. They'll maintain their friendships, but they're gonna hide it from you... if they don't immediately recognize that rule as a toxic one (Because that's what it is, toxic) and dip.

 

Another part of that is simply that... not everybody's in a monogamous relationship and that's OK. A lot of people (Speaking about he general public now) think that if someone's in a relationship, they can't speak to anyone that's the same gender as their partners because it's a sign of disloyalty... it is not. Assuming that all friendships with those of the gender they're attracted to are actually somehow romantic is simply ridiculous.

 

I mention heteronormativity because... a lot of that "boys and girls can't be friends! Only LOVERS!" BS I hear a bit with my own parents (My best friend is a guy. I am pansexual. He is bisexual. By the way, my parents are in no way homophobic.) simply is. Again, thinking about the general public here. What if I was a lesbian and my male friend was gay? What if we were both asexual? (Note: Asexual means not feeling attraction to anyone) And as someone else mentioned, what about people who are bisexual or pansexual? By your rule, they can't have friends at all, since they're attracted to almost everyone! Except... nobody is attracted to every single person they meet. I enjoy my male friend's presence because of his character, but I wouldn't consider dating him. The attraction is just not there. If your lover is truly loyal to you, even if he does find himself attracted to others, he won't go for a relationship with every single attractive person he sees. You shouldn't be so worried about a partner cheating on you, because that's not your fault. That's simply his. If he does this, leave him. It's simple.

[café]

I didn't attack your opinion... unless that is your opinion. But I definitely didn't make this post with you and your thoughts in mind.

 

But lemme explain it like this... people (amongst all sexual preferences) are capable of holding platonic and romantic relationships with people of all genders. If someone is truly loyal to you in a romantic relationship, you shouldn't have to worry about them secretly dating other people. The idea that an adult cannot be trusted to maintain their loyalty and thus must be kept on a leash is a big part of what I meant by "possessive". It's not normal, and it's not OK. If someone is loyal, they don't need to be put through these unfair restrictions. If someone is not loyal, they're not gonna follow your rule and cheat on you anyways. Regardless, if you insist on sticking with this rule amongst your relationship, your partner's gonna disregard your "No friends of the opposite gender allowed!" rule. They'll maintain their friendships, but they're gonna hide it from you... if they don't immediately recognize that rule as a toxic one (Because that's what it is, toxic) and dip.

 

Another part of that is simply that... not everybody's in a monogamous relationship and that's OK. A lot of people (Speaking about he general public now) think that if someone's in a relationship, they can't speak to anyone that's the same gender as their partners because it's a sign of disloyalty... it is not. Assuming that all friendships with those of the gender they're attracted to are actually somehow romantic is simply ridiculous.

 

I mention heteronormativity because... a lot of that "boys and girls can't be friends! Only LOVERS!" BS I hear a bit with my own parents (My best friend is a guy. I am pansexual. He is bisexual. By the way, my parents are in no way homophobic.) simply is. Again, thinking about the general public here. What if I was a lesbian and my male friend was gay? What if we were both asexual? (Note: Asexual means not feeling attraction to anyone) And as someone else mentioned, what about people who are bisexual or pansexual? By your rule, they can't have friends at all, since they're attracted to almost everyone! Except... nobody is attracted to every single person they meet. I enjoy my male friend's presence because of his character, but I wouldn't consider dating him. The attraction is just not there. If your lover is truly loyal to you, even if he does find himself attracted to others, he won't go for a relationship with every single attractive person he sees. You shouldn't be so worried about a partner cheating on you, because that's not your fault. That's simply his. If he does this, leave him. It's simple.

 

 

I completely understand everything you've said, I just didn't imply any of it in my post. It was simply a question. But some people seem to have gotten annoyed just because of a question.

[Blink Once]

I completely understand everything you've said, I just didn't imply any of it in my post. It was simply a question. But some people seem to have gotten annoyed just because of a question.

 

Ahhhhhh

 

I was worried that it was something you actually thought... I mean you're cool with people of the opposite sex being friends, right? (I have anxiety so I like asking things simply for clarification)

[café]

Ahhhhhh

 

I was worried that it was something you actually thought... I mean you're cool with people of the opposite sex being friends, right? (I have anxiety so I like asking things simply for clarification)

Yes I am...how did you ever come to assume all that stuff about me purely based on my one question meant to ask for people's opinions/perspectives?

[edelgard]

i have a gf but she can talk to anyone she wants. i wish she had more friends so she wouldn't have to complain about not having many friends

[Blink Once]

Yes I am...how did you ever come to assume all that stuff about me purely based on my one question meant to ask for people's opinions/perspectives?

 

I didn't assume it initially, your response to me implied to me you felt that way and I was like uhhh I gotta explain why this behavior is hella toxic

 

But I'm glad that wasn't actually the case yes i said it again

[sangria]

yeah its definitely ok.

 

unless they used to date or something. my ex used to "still remain friends" with his ex while we were together. they spent a lot of time together when our relationship got rocky it made me feel really insecure since i could tell he wasnt interested in me anymore. found out after that he still had feelings for her so i broke up with him i was like just friends? GOOD!BYE!