Yoonability 4,159 Posted May 22, 2018 Share Posted May 22, 2018 Okay so this would be kinda long but I'll try to make it short. I have this personal problem with a (former) friend that really needs sorting out. So a couple of years ago I met this girl who I quite quickly became friends with. We were really close friends for a long time, best friends I'd say. We saw each other every day at school and I just remember like, laughter everyday. We were super close and quite flirtatious as well. I should add that I'm gay and she is bisexual. I know she felt something for me as well. I asked her out once and she initially agreed to it. Then afterwards she changed her mind because she didn't feel ready to be in a relationship (she is 2 years younger than me). After that I moved away to another city because I wanted to study law, so we saw each other less. During the times I saw her then I felt that our relationship sort of became worse. She has some issues with depression and a poor family situation which would often make her quite grumpy/emotional and I felt that she took those emotions out on me. Looking back I think I was one of the only people around her that knew of these things so perhaps I was the only outlet for her to even speak about these things. Over time she lost more friends, but I also felt that our relationship was worsening. One thing I really struggled with was that I always felt like I was there for her a lot but didn't quite feel like she was there for me in the same way. However, I don't know for sure how she felt since she's a really silent person and she would tell me that she did care for me etc, just that she didn't know how to voice it out/how to make me notice it. For me it was really hard to have this sort of ~some~ relationship since I really wanted to date her, but she rejected my offer to formally go on a date (in the end), however she never quite said she didn't want to date me either - just not right now. That 'will we won't we' thing really frustrated me and made me sad, something which I tried showing and telling her but I never found she apologised for. Maybe she didn't know how. Anyway, skip to the late months of 2017. I invited her over to my university city and we had a GREAT night together. It was just like when we first met. I laughed a lot. But the reason I invited her was also because I had resolved to ask her how she felt about us, about me, and whether she wanted to move on with a relationship. When I asked her she got really emotional and once again told me she couldn't answer that, because she didn't know. I then, quite assholishly, deleted all her contact information once she left, thinking that cutting her out of my life completely would at least stop the constant underlying hurting. I know this was an awful thing to do and I feel bad about it. But for me I felt so hurt by the fact that she wouldn't take my emotions in consideration as well. I had for a really long time skirted around the fact that she didn't feel ready for a relationship, because we had been friends for a long time after she decided not to formally go on a date with me, and I told her how much it hurt me being in that insecurity. I even told her she could just flat out reject me if she didn't want to, but she didn't do that either. So I was angry and made a rash decision. Stupid me has forgotten to delete her Facebook account however, and she sent me one last message along the lines of 'I think what you did wasn't very nice and I hope you have a nice life'. Ouch. But perhaps I deserved that. Anyway, here's the deal: I still feel really bad about ending it that way. I wish I could go back in time and talk about it like adults, instead of deleting all her contact information. I feel now that I've grown over her and maybe we could be friends. We were really close and I could tell her really personal things I don't feel comfortable telling any of my other friends, still. I think about her sometimes. I hope she is doing well, especially since she had such rough patches in the past. I wonder how she is dealing with her family situation, and if they are doing better. Now my question to you is... should I send her a message explaining how I will, and that I'm sorry for what I did? I want to make it really clear that I don't expect anything from her. If she doesn't want to see me, I understand. But I still feel so shitty about what I did and I just hope I didn't hurt her too much. I want to tell her that it wasn't her fault. I don't have her phone number, but I have a way of contacting her. If you read all this, thank you lmao. Help me out with this personal drama juseyo!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cake mf 1,737 Posted May 22, 2018 Share Posted May 22, 2018 Ok but what does she expect? YOU need to take care of YOURSELF. And being friends with someone you have a crush on? I’m sorry but that isn’t good for YOU Keyword is YOU bc sometimes you just gotta be selfish my girl. I don’t care about her sob story that could rival Peter Parker. You like her and she doesn’t return your feelings, so you guys can’t be friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JihyoStoleMyHeartAYAYAY 22,189 Posted May 22, 2018 Share Posted May 22, 2018 Just talk to her in a civilized manner and sort it out for the the both of you so in the future there no more issues between you two. You can still make her your friend. Its a past between you two so don't get it to the point you guys ruin your futures because of what you did in your past actions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grape Soda 12,004 Posted May 22, 2018 Share Posted May 22, 2018 Thing is she shared that she was bi with you, was she open with her family? Depression and issues with money can make you deter people away from yourself. It sounds like she didn't wanna be in a relationship with someone who had their life together, while hers was in shambles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yoonability 4,159 Posted May 22, 2018 Author Share Posted May 22, 2018 Ok but what does she expect? YOU need to take care of YOURSELF. And being friends with someone you have a crush on? I’m sorry but that isn’t good for YOU Keyword is YOU bc sometimes you just gotta be selfish my girl. I don’t care about her sob story that could rival Peter Parker. You like her and she doesn’t return your feelings, so you guys can’t be friends. I think back then she was still figuring out her sexuality, really. But right now I would say I don't want to date her anymore lol. I'm just curious to see if she's well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cake mf 1,737 Posted May 22, 2018 Share Posted May 22, 2018 I think back then she was still figuring out her sexuality, really. But right now I would say I don't want to date her anymore lol. I'm just curious to see if she's well. Still. You had a lot of feelings for her and no doubt that’s gonna make issues (you shouldn’t be friends with an ex crush is always my policy lmao) I mean text her if you want but like...I can only see this ending badly for both of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yoonability 4,159 Posted May 22, 2018 Author Share Posted May 22, 2018 Thing is she shared that she was bi with you, was she open with her family? Depression and issues with money can make you deter people away from yourself. It sounds like she didn't wanna be in a relationship with someone who had their life together, while hers was in shambles. I don't think she was open with her family, no. I don't think her family wouldn't minded especially but her parents were.. yeah, they were odd. Especially her mum struck me as emotionally abusive. Still. You had a lot of feelings for her and no doubt that’s gonna make issues (you shouldn’t be friends with an ex crush is always my policy lmao) I mean text her if you want but like...I can only see this ending badly for both of you. Sis you're probably the voice of reason loool asdfghjldjg you're the angel on my shoulder I should really listen to.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grape Soda 12,004 Posted May 22, 2018 Share Posted May 22, 2018 I don't think she was open with her family, no. I don't think her family wouldn't minded especially but her parents were.. yeah, they were odd. Especially her mum struck me as emotionally abusive. Sis you're probably the voice of reason loool asdfghjldjg you're the angel on my shoulder I should really listen to.... Parents can be tough on children especially when they are going through monetary issues. The depression and non acceptance probably didn't help either. You should honestly apologize for not understanding her side as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimvfilms 3,308 Posted May 22, 2018 Share Posted May 22, 2018 About sending her a message, she could either reply or ignore it. She most probably won't reply, I know that well but the point here is to do what you feel like is correct, and to say what you want to say. Maybe you will feel bad for some time still but... it helps somehow. You could feel sad if things don't get fixed but, owning up to your mistakes takes away the guilt. I hope you are lucky and she decides to talk things out with you. Even if it takes time, hopefully you both can become friends again eventually. Good luck mate! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cake mf 1,737 Posted May 22, 2018 Share Posted May 22, 2018 I don't think she was open with her family, no. I don't think her family wouldn't minded especially but her parents were.. yeah, they were odd. Especially her mum struck me as emotionally abusive. Sis you're probably the voice of reason loool asdfghjldjg you're the angel on my shoulder I should really listen to.... I’ve been around THAT block a few times lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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