Year 0 Posted May 13, 2018 Share Posted May 13, 2018 and I feel I won't cry at their deaths, pretty sure honestly, my mother is very immature and stupide, getting triggered by the smallest details, yelling at me, emotionally unstable, talking shit at everybody even me, critized at every mistakes, can't handle criticism, never confessed being wrong, always the fault of the others, very bad public manner, very cheap, not social, lied often, racist and judgemental, belittle in front of other to better appear, always compare with other, shittalk on other kids, daily verbal abuse, daily physical abuse when I was young, bad decisions making, I think she should never have been a mother, she's like a stupide child that wants a family because this is sucess in life for her, but she has grudge with half the family, and even with her sisters and husband. She's violating my intimacy, our house totalitarian and tyrannical regime where she has the power over anything, always tell me to not do something or do it at this way but she does the exact opposite and just tell me that she's the parent, so it doesn't matter, she's not a role model, when she bickers someone she always has to make the person feel guilty to death, even when the person had understood, she still continue until only she's done, and it can go for hours, and she doesn't want any reply eventhough she talk shit because she's the parent, otherwise she will threaten me to kick me from the house, which is a good threat, since I have very low-esteem and can't cook and have a part time job. She's often disappointed in me and she doesn't hold back from saying it. She has on multiple occasion said that I looked ugly or stupid and that nobody would want me with all this buttons on my face. Honestly, I don't know if my emotions are messed up, I'm actully not depressed (I believe I'm not), I can still laugh, feel hapiness, cry, anger, but I do not feel any empathic help towards her, I don't feel I want to help her, I don't want her to talk to me because, the conversation always end up me being irritated and going one step above to hates her, I want the minimum interaction with her, sometime I feel bad because she's still filling my basic materialistic need, and she'll die in approx. 20 years if she's lucky, so maybe I should try to talk to her a little more, but every time, her ungrateful, immature, insulting attitude just disgust me, I should send resumes right now which is already very stressful for me, but I'm not in the emotional state to do that. Sometime I just feel like a robot, I often see idol or other people saying, you should always love your mother no matter what, she should be the most important thing in the world, always love family because friend can disappear, family first, but I just can't feel like that ... I can't .... she's the worst human being I ever met and she's also my mother, and I don't know what to really do right now, I want to quit this house, but I'm so fcking weak, it's pitiful. Always in my music, that's the only thing that really bring me happiness. Now we just had an argument over the fact that she had to lied to her sister about something but I didn't know she lied, so when her sister ask me the question, I just unveiled the lie and she just came at me and blamed me for this, eventhough it was her fault, first for lying, second for not telling me, and third not confessing her mistake and blaming it on me and still not being able to confess, like wtf, is that a tv show, does this kind of stupid things really happens? How fcking immature is she, how the hell she's a mother, why. I don't mind not existing, but she should've never been a mother. Sorry for wasting your time, I just wanted to rant, I just feel really stuck right now, like in a prison, I don't know what to do for the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baekeri 1,298 Posted May 13, 2018 Share Posted May 13, 2018 Do you can leave and not live with her anymore? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AHE 513 Posted May 13, 2018 Share Posted May 13, 2018 If you wanted validation that your emotions are valid, then yes they are; you’re not ‘messed up’ - it’s all a normal response to abnormal behaviour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cake mf 1,737 Posted May 13, 2018 Share Posted May 13, 2018 Well in your defense she does sound crazy Do you can leave and not live with her anymore? Yeah, how old are you OP? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AHE 513 Posted May 13, 2018 Share Posted May 13, 2018 And another thing, to endure abuse means you’re not weak, but resilient. When the time is right, you will take the first step to getting out of there. Continue to keep your head screwed on right Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grape Soda 12,004 Posted May 13, 2018 Share Posted May 13, 2018 The fact that you posted this Mother's Day shows your mom is really messed up. You could try working a bit more to save up to get out of the house but this also gives you a lot less time with her. I didn't see you mention your father, is he in your life or just watching her behave this way around you. I'm really sorry you have to deal with that op Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Year 0 Posted May 14, 2018 Author Share Posted May 14, 2018 Do you can leave and not live with her anymore? Definitely not, I'm a student and I live from 30 mins to my college so she'll never let me live in a campus. Also I'm working in an ice cream shop in the summer to only pay my college tuition, so I'm not financially independent. I guess my best chance is to graduate, find a job and save money, but even that, it'll be pretty hard, nothing is very guarantee in the work market. Well in your defense she does sound crazy Yeah, how old are you OP? College student, I'm definitely trying to get out of the family cocoon, but I'm way too far from the goal, and I guess my mom won't help me for that either. And another thing, to endure abuse means you’re not weak, but resilient. When the time is right, you will take the first step to getting out of there. Continue to keep your head screwed on right I'm just trying to ignore her as much as possible, I just feel weird about the fact that I'll probably dissociate myself from my mother in the future because family is also a hot topic/value for people in dating/mariage. Also I think long term exposure to abuse can cause psychological trauma, it actually already did, but I guess I can't do nothing better than trying to avoid her . The fact that you posted this Mother's Day shows your mom is really messed up. You could try working a bit more to save up to get out of the house but this also gives you a lot less time with her. I didn't see you mention your father, is he in your life or just watching her behave this way around you. I'm really sorry you have to deal with that op Thank you, it really touch my heart. Actually, I forgot it was mother day, she just triggered me, so I exploded. I'm currently trying to save, but with college, it's pretty slow. Yes my father is in my life, we live together. Their relation is kind of strange, it's kind of like a mutual living. They're not in love, but they respect each other enough to cooperate, they're like friend by obligation. He got his problems too, but he's more consciencious I guess, he's the kind to not show emotion and thus not showing alot of affection, but does care for us. It's strange. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KorAm 21 Posted May 14, 2018 Share Posted May 14, 2018 Year: try the Korean Idol Way — work hard and fight your way out of the situation without breaking the rules. Your rules are set in the household you must live in as a student. Don’t break them until you graduate. Your outlet must be school. College offers you all you need to build up your self-esteem which is the greatest weight holding you back. It is not your mom, she is external. Your self-esteem is internal. Fix that first. Go to the school’s gym. Sign up for classes you like there. Try dance, aerobics, whatever. Anything that you like and which will improve your health and body. 1) Work hard to get the best grade possible in order to maximize your career potential 2) Work hard at the gym to give yourself the best body possible in order to maximize your self-esteem You will be working so hard and feeling so good about yourself that you’ll have no time to worry about comments from your mom. Go do it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AHE 513 Posted May 14, 2018 Share Posted May 14, 2018 Definitely not, I'm a student and I live from 30 mins to my college so she'll never let me live in a campus. Also I'm working in an ice cream shop in the summer to only pay my college tuition, so I'm not financially independent. I guess my best chance is to graduate, find a job and save money, but even that, it'll be pretty hard, nothing is very guarantee in the work market...You would have it worse if she was the engulfing type that takes control over every aspect of your life e.g. not let you work - or let’s you but then forces you in a position where you lose the job. What are you studying? Do you enjoy it - or were you reluctant to take it? It is a good idea to focus on studies as much as possible. And you will get a job. It’s okay if it doesn’t work out the first few times, but if you really want the job then you will get there. Most who graduate think they’re ready for work - but they end up learning more than what they studied, and normally find that what they thought was the right job for them is not. Take one step at a time. I'm just trying to ignore her as much as possible, I just feel weird about the fact that I'll probably dissociate myself from my mother in the future because family is also a hot topic/value for people in dating/mariage. Also I think long term exposure to abuse can cause psychological trauma, it actually already did, but I guess I can't do nothing better than trying to avoid her.Let it a hot topic. There are only two solutions - to become her, or to not become her. Is there a student counseling service at your college? I know it’s just talking - but to make sense of what is happening around you is the best way to learn more about yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KaniPi 2,626 Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 Sorry to burst your bubble a little bit but as long as you’re living with your parents you have to follow by their rules. All parents whine and nag. However abuse is not OK. As others have said study and find some work. Try to build yourself. However I just feel no matter how bad they are they’re still your parents you shouldn’t say you wish they were dead. We don’t know the whole story because you could also be quite rebellious as well. You need some counselling and perhaps your parents do as well. Maybe they are stressed and taking it on on you. Sent from my iPhone using OneHallyu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charan 303 Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 I can relate somewhat. I feel bad cause my mom isn't a bad mother or anything and I still care about her, but sometimes I just really feel like I dislike her. She accuses me of saying things about her that I didn't, she's closed minded, irrational, racist, EXTREMELY judgemental, etc etc etc and I just can't stand her sometimes. She also smokes in the house, not only exposing her children to the second hand smoke but also increasing risk of cancer, of which both of her parents died (not lung cancer but still), which was extremely hard for her but apparently she either doesn't give a fuck if her kids have to go through the same thing or she's delusional enough to think it won't happen to her. I still have to live with her though cause I can't afford to move out and won't be able to for a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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