Because for me, it's always been like that. And it's getting kinda frustrating and I feel like I'm in a dilemma.
First of all, I don't just lash out at people, because I feel like most of the times, I should try to give them the benefit of the doubt when someone does something that I find puzzling or even perhaps offensive to me. Back in the day, I used to quickly jump into conclusions but in the end, it's me who looked stupid because of lashing out at someone for reasons that I only imagined, not the truth.
But then when that person keeps doing questionable things to me, to the point that I had to speak up, sometimes due to being emotional, I come off as reprimanding them, and lashing out.
Soon after, I would feel bad about it because I didn't mean to sound like attacking them verbally. I just wanted them to know that it's not okay for them to do that thing -- whatever that questionable thing is -- to me.
Yet again, on the other side, if I don't speak up and I decide to just bottle it up, it will become a ticking time bomb for me and I will feel like something is eating up inside me, and I'm afraid it will make me rotten from the inside to bottle up too much anger.
So, have you ever had this experience? How do you cope with it? Because I feel like I need advice about this.
Today, I decided to speak up about something to a certain people at my house, but then because of feeling angry, I sort of lashed out at them and then they became defensive. Shortly after, I feel regrets and it's just making me feel all mixed up.