Please help! I am losing my best friend!

[Krizzza]

So, me and this girl have been friends for over 12 years now. We had our ups and downs but this year everything fell apart. It all started with her getting with her ex-bff-who-is-total-douche-and-already-ruined-our-friendship-once (btw he is gay). They fought last year and he came to me while she found new friends to hang out with (she is the type of person to lose interest in people fast.) 
Well two months ago me and her had something like a relantioship (it is complicated) but she ended it because she said she doesn't  want serious relantioship. Basically she just wants to fuck with people and because I am not that type of person who will allow my gf to be with many people, she said it is better for me to just end it.

After we broke up that "friend" of ours decided to give her a second chance in their friendship and just left  me for her. He told her everything we have talked with him. When I fight with her he is always telling her she is right. She just can't understand that he is using her because he literally doesn't do anything productive with his time. When he wokes up he chats with her, after school he goes out with her, after that they go to her private lessons and stays for hours there just reading all of her chats and even replying sometimes, then they go to a cafe until it becomes late and when they go home they text again. She likes it when someone gives her so much attention but the problem is that he is ruining my friendship with her because I and her literally can't go out together, alone because of him. 
There were many times when I told her that I am not happy with the fact she is not texting me at all, she doesn't go out with me and that he knows every little thing about my relantioship with her. She told me I am overreacting and that she is not doing anything wrong. We fight because she believes she is always right and that I can't make a problem of something she does. 
Last week we made out and two days later I told her that I want this to continue and we agreed that we will talk it through the next day. Well.. she went out with her "bff" and didn't text me at all. The day after that she told me we can't go out alone because she already made plans with him. They came where was our group of friends and stayed for 30min and when they left I texted her that I am really grateful she found time for me to talk. She answered: If you didn't act like you are angry at me we could have talked. Oh, and the thing from that day won't ever happen again. I decided it today.
Since then we haven't talked. Today we were playing cards with our friends but we completely ignored each other. 

I don't know what to do! Should I confront her (which makes her angrier everytime because like I told you she is never wrong), should I ignore her and wait for her to come to me first or should I just let her go ( I can't believe our 12 years old friendship will end because of this guy)

[cake mf]

Look honey.

 

It’s been a long time coming, you know?

 

But once you cross that line into romance you can never go back.

 

And you guys have different values so it’ll never work out.

 

Just let this girl and her drama go. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been friends it just isn’t working out rn.

[Krizzza]

Look honey.

 

It’s been a long time coming, you know?

 

But once you cross that line into romance you can never go back.

 

And you guys have different values so it’ll never work out.

 

Just let this girl and her drama go. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been friends it just isn’t working out rn.

 

The strange thing is that we have always had this love-hate relantioship. We both know we have liked each other, we even know the exact time when it happened. The romance part of our friendship never played a role in the  relantioship we have. She was the one who initiated the making out and she said yes when I told her I wanted this to continue, We wanted to talk so that we figure out what exactly we are going to be. I don't want to be in a relantioship with her I just want my best friend back but...

 

[indigo]

She seems messy, but it's her right to be messy. You can't control her life. You can only control your own.

 

You guys sound really young, and sometimes you just have to accept people grow up and become different people. 

[cake mf]

The strange thing is that we have always had this love-hate relantioship. We both know we have liked each other, we even know the exact time when it happened. The romance part of our friendship never played a role in the  relantioship we have. She was the one who initiated the making out and she said yes when I told her I wanted this to continue, We wanted to talk so that we figure out what exactly we are going to be.

 

But you already know what she wants to.

 

Either fwb, or an extremely extremely messy relationship. If you guys are already having problems as friends don’t even try dating, it will not work out.

[kimvfilms]

Take a step back. It's the best and honestly the only thing you can do in this situation, believe me.

 

She's just either playing with you, or can't make up her mind. Things will never be the way they used to so, you both need some time off from each other.

[Krizzza]

But you already know what she wants to.

 

Either fwb, or an extremely extremely messy relationship. If you guys are already having problems as friends don’t even try dating, it will not work out.

We were going to be fwb and I am perfectly okay with that. She was too. We have talked about this stuff many times before but we never actually agreed to do it. 

The problem in our friendship is that she knows that I can't be angry at her for a long time, even at all. She knows she can do and say whatever she wants to me and that  I will always come back to her. Our friends have been telling me for weeks now that it is not normal for someone to treat her best friend of 12 years like shit.  Now I finally begin to see that what they have been telling me is true. 

[Krizzza]

She seems messy, but it's her right to be messy. You can't control her life. You can only control your own.

 

You guys sound really young, and sometimes you just have to accept people grow up and become different people. 

We are both 18. 

I have never tried to control her life. I use to hide my feelings when she hurted me with something and she found out that I did it. She made me promise to tell her everytime she does something. But when I actually did she began saying I was overreacting. She thinks not texting me and not going out with me is not a problem at all when she does it but  I can't even sit next to my other best friend without me getting the silent treatment.  

[cake mf]

We were going to be fwb and I am perfectly okay with that. She was too. We have talked about this stuff many times before but we never actually agreed to do it. 

The problem in our friendship is that she knows that I can't be angry at her for a long time, even at all. She knows she can do and say whatever she wants to me and that  I will always come back to her. Our friends have been telling me for weeks now that it is not normal for someone to treat her best friend of 12 years like shit.  Now I finally begin to see that what they have been telling me is true.

 

But you said you aren’t the typea person that likes her gf fuckin with others, so why are you settling? She’s not the only girl out there for you lol. There’s other girls that will treat you better.

 

Right now she’s manipulating you, you have to GET OUT.

[Krizzza]

But you said you aren’t the typea person that likes her gf fuckin with others, so why are you settling? She’s not the only girl out there for you lol. There’s other girls that will treat you better.

 

Right now she’s manipulating you, you have to GET OUT.

Well the main difference now is that she is not my gf. The feelings I have for her are practially gone. Yes, I love her as my best friend but what I am feeling towards her now is more like a lust than actual "like". 

Yes, there are many other girls but with her everything is so chill and it is never cringeworthy. People ask her if we feel awkward after we have kissed etc. but it has never been strange. idk why

[Waves in the sand~~]

My friend is in a similar relationship. I tell her to try to see the pros and cons of being with that person. In her case, there are more disadvantages, but she does not listen to me, she says that "she prefers to be with him and suffer all the shit, than being without him and living quietly".

I think you should do the same thing: weigh the advantages and disadvantages of being with her as a friend, you have to see what you really want and if it's worth it. Anyone deserves to be treated well and if that doesn't happen to you that means that you are probably in a toxic relationship and you have to fix that.

[cake mf]

Well the main difference now is that she is not my gf. The feelings I have for her are practially gone. Yes, I love her as my best friend but what I am feeling towards her now is more like a lust than actual "like".

Yes, there are many other girls but with her everything is so chill and it is never cringeworthy. People ask her if we feel awkward after we have kissed etc. but it has never been strange. idk why

Yeah but when you want to get over someone fully, (which you should be tryin cuz this girl is a MESS and a 1/2) you get under someone new. It’s hard to forget about someone when you’re exchanging bodily fluids lmao.

 

She’s got you wrapped around her pinky finger and her clit, if you actually want to fuck (which I STRONGLY discourage)then you’ve gotta put your foot down and let her know that her shit won’t slide.

[Krizzza]

My friend is in a similar relationship. I tell her to try to see the pros and cons of being with that person. In her case, there are more disadvantages, but she does not listen to me, she says that "she prefers to be with him and suffer all the shit, than being without him and living quietly".

I think you should do the same thing: weigh the advantages and disadvantages of being with her as a friend, you have to see what you really want and if it's worth it. Anyone deserves to be treated well and if that doesn't happen to you that means that you are probably in a toxic relationship and you have to fix that.

 

I perfectly understand that I am a fool for letting her treat me like this. You guys doesn't know the worst parts. The things she have said and done. But I just can't let her go. I know that maybe what keeps me from letting go is the past I have had with her. I mean the past where things weren't that complicated and when we were the epitome of besties. I guess her role in my life is way bigger that my role in hers 

[indigo]

We are both 18. 

I have never tried to control her life. I use to hide my feelings when she hurted me with something and she found out that I did it. She made me promise to tell her everytime she does something. But when I actually did she began saying I was overreacting. She thinks not texting me and not going out with me is not a problem at all when she does it but  I can't even sit next to my other best friend without me getting the silent treatment.  

 

By control her life I mean you cannot control her behavior. If the way she acts makes you unhappy, and she refuses to change, that's all there is. There is nothing more to pursue in the relationship, that's how it's always going to be. 

 

It's an emotional black hole to try and change people. 

 

If she give you the silent treatment, let her be. Don't get involved in her mess. You have other friends who care about you, which is why they're voicing that she's hurting you. 

[Krizzza]

Yeah but when you want to get over someone fully, (which you should be tryin cuz this girl is a MESS and a 1/2) you get under someone new. It’s hard to forget about someone when you’re exchanging bodily fluids lmao.

 

She’s got you wrapped around her pinky finger and her clit, if you actually want to fuck then you’ve gotta put your foot down and let her know that her shit won’t slide.

LMAO

 

I am perfectly fine with us not being fwb. The whole idea came because of that night when our friendship was still stable. I am angry because  her flings and her little "bff" is a bigger priority in her life than me. I wanted from her to go out for one hour. We live 5mins from each other. Her words were: I can't. I am with **** (The bff). Then I have private lessons (with her bff again), after that I am with fling 1, then I am with a friend (*cough* they hate each other *cough*). So I said okay then I will come to your private lessons and we will see each other for 10 mins. Well she and the "bff" drove right past me and didn't stop and she went straight to her lesson even if she had 20 minutes before it begins. I mean... I am probably overreacting.

[cake mf]

LMAO

 

I am perfectly fine with us not being fwb. The whole idea came because of that night when our friendship was still stable. I am angry because  her flings and her little "bff" is a bigger priority in her life than me. I wanted from her to go out for one hour. We live 5mins from each other. Her words were: I can't. I am with **** (The bff). Then I have private lessons (with her bff again), after that I am with fling 1, then I am with a friend (*cough* they hate each other *cough*). So I said okay then I will come to your private lessons and we will see each other for 10 mins. Well she and the "bff" drove right past me and didn't stop and she went straight to her lesson even if she had 20 minutes before it begins. I mean... I am probably overreacting.

So it sounds like she gives absolutely no fucks about you and you give too many about her.

[Krizzza]

So it sounds like she gives absolutely no fucks about you and you give too many about her.

That's true. But at the same time she is always the first one to defend me or the one who tries to lighten up my mood when I am down. She always tells me I am her most precious person and the one who she loves the most. I am the first one she calls when she gets her panic attacks or when she needs an advice (it's not like she is listening to me but at least she always reminds me to tell her "I told you!")

What pains me is that I am literally the only friend of hers who still gives a fuck what happens with her. She has pushed everyone else because of her mood swings and all of her bullshit.  Her "bff" might be always with her but I don't think anyone needs a person who stays next to your ear and whispers non stop that everything you do is right and everyone else just doesn't understand you. 

[Waves in the sand~~]

I perfectly understand that I am a fool for letting her treat me like this. You guys doesn't know the worst parts. The things she have said and done. But I just can't let her go. I know that maybe what keeps me from letting go is the past I have had with her. I mean the past where things weren't that complicated and when we were the epitome of besties. I guess her role in my life is way bigger that my role in hers

Many times when we make decisions we are guided by what we want and by what our heart tells us. But you also have to keep in mind that the first person you have to think about is you, and you have to take care of yourself and love yourself. It's difficult to realize that you are in a toxic relationship and/or want to leave it because even if that person hurts us, sometimes we still love that person. I don't know the seriousness of the things that she has done to you, you must value them and see if it's worthwhile to continue with her as a friend. But I get the feel that you would be better if you leave her, idk

[Krizzza]

By control her life I mean you cannot control her behavior. If the way she acts makes you unhappy, and she refuses to change, that's all there is. There is nothing more to pursue in the relationship, that's how it's always going to be. 

 

It's an emotional black hole to try and change people. 

 

If she give you the silent treatment, let her be. Don't get involved in her mess. You have other friends who care about you, which is why they're voicing that she's hurting you. 

 

I am trying. I really am but I feel pain when I am not doing anything. I feel pain when I ignore her and I feel pain when I am trying to make up with her. I just feel lost and I don't know what to do. 

[Krizzza]

Many times when we make decisions we are guided by what we want and by what our heart tells us. But you also have to keep in mind that the first person you have to think about is you, and you have to take care of yourself and love yourself. It's difficult to realize that you are in a toxic relationship and/or want to leave it because even if that person hurts us, sometimes we still love that person. I don't know the seriousness of the things that she has done to you, you must value them and see if it's worthwhile to continue with her as a friend. But I get the feel that you would be better if you leave her, idk

To some point I want to stop seeing her and going out with her but we share the same friends. I have to isolate myself in order not to see her :/

[cake mf]

That's true. But at the same time she is always the first one to defend me or the one who tries to lighten up my mood when I am down. She always tells me I am her most precious person and the one who she loves the most. I am the first one she calls when she gets her panic attacks or when she needs an advice (it's not like she is listening to me but at least she always reminds me to tell her "I told you!")

What pains me is that I am literally the only friend of hers who still gives a fuck what happens with her. She has pushed everyone else because of her mood swings and all of her bullshit.  Her "bff" might be always with her but I don't think anyone needs a person who stays next to your ear and whispers non stop that everything you do is right and everyone else just doesn't understand you.

 

Well nobody’s without their virtues, but she’s a toxic person. You should keep your distance.