OhGosh! 1,855 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 It feels weird to ask strangers who don't even know me for advice over the internet, but I've listened to my friends my whole life and I'm not having much luck so maybe I should try strangers. I don't even really know how to start talking about this (which, if you know me at all, is a good indication of how fucked up this has me), so just... WHATEVER. HERE WE GO. I'm 24, female. Most of my life I've primarily dated girls (I'm probably a kinsey 4 or 5). The relationships are more satisfying and the sex is better, but when they end it's always super messy and painful. A few years ago, I went the other way and tried harder with guys. The relationships are easier (although somewhat less fulfilling) and when they end they're not nearly as bad. An additional problem is that once a relationship with a guy ends, it takes me much longer to find someone else that I'm interested in. The reason that I'm posting is that yet another one seems to be in a death spiral and I'm back to asking myself the same questions I ask every time. Am I limiting myself too much by playing it safe? Is it worth it to take the risk on something that is 'better', even though it has always ended badly? Why does it feel like I'm just not compatible with the sex that I'm most (or, at least, more generally) attracted to? I'm not looking to get married (at least, not for a long time), but having something nice and stable would be fantastic. I don't know if I'm even asking the right questions anymore. I guess I'm just hoping that someone that doesn't even know me will be able to give me a magic answer because they don't have any preconceived notions of what I should want or what would be best for me. (Hopefully that at least makes sense to someone. I hate this post so much, but I'm just having major issues getting coherent thoughts together on this subject) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
�halley� 1,438 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 I have no idea I barely dated anyone but i hope you’ll be fine... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Full Moon 7,229 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 try until you find the right one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeongwon 2,631 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 i think you should try to find whoever is most compatible with you. it can be risky if it doesn't end well, but if it's just an OK connection, you may get bored after a few years. or 20 years. i guess it depends on how long-term you want the relationship to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimjam 17 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 are you limiting yourself? yes you are, playing it safe isn't a healthy mentality, instinctively you're always going to want something more fulfilling, even if it means the chance of getting your heart broken, I think it's better to pursue what you truly desire. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cake mf 1,737 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 I say date guys and girls and find someone you like lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
нex 96 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 From what you said, I think it's more likely that you will find what you want if you keep trying with girls, so, even if it's messier, why not? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Swanson 6,677 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 I would pursue things even if you've usually experienced a bad end result. The next thing could be different from the last and you wouldn't know unless you tried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ßlair 267 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 risk it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
� redie � 2,849 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 If you feel better or my passion with girls, go for the girls. Even if it ends badly, it might not have to end if you can manage to find the right person to have a stable relationship with. Although take my advice with a grain of salt because I've never dated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoMaLiAk 4,894 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 I think you are overthinking. When you date someone there should be a balance between your heart and your mind. Stop thinking for once and just jump. Because it seems like you don’t even know what you want for yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noodlenoodle 931 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 I would say don’t limit yourself in pursuing relationships by starting them in anticipation of their ends. If you date guys because you think it’ll be easier to get over them when you break up, then why date at all? If you want to end up as close to how you feel at the beginning, then to heck with it and date nobody, because you know with absolute certainty you won’t suffer the pain of a breakup. Rinse and repeat doesn’t sound emotionally fulfilling. Also consider that if a few years ago you were dating girls and things were more emotionally stressful, you’ve likely grown since then. No matter the gender of your partner, if you’re more emotionally involved with them, it’ll probably be a messier split. There’s no telling whether the experiences you’ve had dating a certain gender will always be true of relationships with people of that gender. In regards to compatibility, cheer up. There are a lot of ladies out there, and a lot of men. There are going to be ones who click well with you in both groups, and just because the last few haven’t been perfect matches doesn’t mean that the perfect match doesn’t exist (maybe not perfect, because I hate absolutes, but you know what I mean). Anyway, I can’t answer the questions you asked for you, because you have to weigh your priorities for yourself. But I hope that whatever my (deeply inexperienced in romantic relationships but through vicarious experience) brain had to offer might help. Don’t worry, and don’t overthink it, because there is no crystal ball when you first meet someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhGosh! 1,855 Posted March 8, 2018 Author Share Posted March 8, 2018 Thanks for all the feedback. I think you guys are right re: not letting fear control it as well as not worrying about gender. I know it's a dumb thing to get hung up on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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