YNRA 1,082 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 since highschool, i just cant make/keep friends. im in college and transfered to my uni last year. i made friends really fast, but they really werent great friends and i havent tried to contact them yet this semester but they have also not tried to contact me which just reminds me that they werent real friends in my classes, it seems like everyone ignores me even the classmates i know pretty well. also new people never want to talk to me even though i try talking to them. then they make friends really fast with other students who have never approached them. do you think something is wrong with me or im just unlucky? im a generally really nice person and im in between extrovert and introvert but i guess people are never interested in me even when i approach them first Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cake mf 1,737 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 I think you just choose bad people. Learn to be more intuitive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
junmyeonsnoodle 1,074 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 i made friends really fast, but they really werent great friends and i havent tried to contact them yet this semester but they have also not tried to contact me which just reminds me that they werent real friends but you didn't contact them either, so not sure you can really pass judgement on whether or not they're true friends. they could be thinking the exact same thing as you..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YNRA 1,082 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Share Posted February 1, 2018 but you didn't contact them either, so not sure you can really pass judgement on whether or not they're true friends. they could be thinking the exact same thing as you..... no, they have left me behind before, so thats part of why i dont really want to contact them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digiwon 5,843 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 dont see yourself that way. i think when you stop caring about making friends and just become the person you'd like to be with (if youre not already doing that) you'll naturally attract people towards you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YNRA 1,082 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Share Posted February 1, 2018 dont see yourself that way. i think when you stop caring about making friends and just become the person you'd like to be with (if youre not already doing that) you'll naturally attract people towards you. but honestly, when im in public and im in my normal state i dont talk to anyone or smile at anyone i talk to new people and try to be nice because i wish people were like that to me, not because im trying too hard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khyler 293 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 Why would they not be interested in you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YNRA 1,082 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Share Posted February 1, 2018 Why would they not be interested in you? maybe im too boring, or not attractive, i dont know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khyler 293 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 maybe im too boring, or not attractive, i dont know is one of your friends a kpop fan? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YNRA 1,082 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Share Posted February 1, 2018 is one of your friends a kpop fan? no. im not into kpop anymore so i dont have an interest in being friends with kpop fans. id probably just piss them off because i talk a lot of crap about idols Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digiwon 5,843 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 but honestly, when im in public and im in my normal state i dont talk to anyone or smile at anyone i talk to new people and try to be nice because i wish people were like that to me, not because im trying too hard oh i see. you're pretty much like me then. i'll suggest something and i cant guarantee if it will work for you, but i had a similar phase in high school. one day i suddenly did a dramatic hairstyle change. it seems like nothing, but suddenly everyone was coming my way to talk to me or ask something. or maybe it was just my confidence that increased and it showed, idk. the thing is that i became easier to be noticed. i think it would be cool if you try to make a change, could be hairstyle or the way you dress or whatever. however, it must be something you actually want to do, not just for the sake of doing it. maybe it won't be easier to make friends but people will surely notice you. anyway even if you dont want to do it, dont worry, there's many things that can be done about your problem i'm just lazy to think too much right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YNRA 1,082 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Share Posted February 1, 2018 oh i see. you're pretty much like me then. i'll suggest something and i cant guarantee if it will work for you, but i had a similar phase in high school. one day i suddenly did a dramatic hairstyle change. it seems like nothing, but suddenly everyone was coming my way to talk to me or ask something. or maybe it was just my confidence that increased and it showed, idk. the thing is that i became easier to be noticed. i think it would be cool if you try to make a change, could be hairstyle or the way you dress or whatever. however, it must be something you actually want to do, not just for the sake of doing it. maybe it won't be easier to make friends but people will surely notice you. anyway even if you dont want to do it, dont worry, there's many things that can be done about your problem i'm just lazy to think too much right now. i would do this but im trying to get a job in a professional field so maybe changing my hair dramatically is not a good idea for me.... plus i went blonde last year so my hair is still damaged as for clothing, i dont have money to spend on new clothes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jcey 7,752 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 I think everyone feels that way at some point. Feeling of loneliness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digiwon 5,843 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 i would do this but im trying to get a job in a professional field so maybe changing my hair dramatically is not a good idea for me.... plus i went blonde last year so my hair is still damaged as for clothing, i dont have money to spend on new clothes makeup then? idk there's a lot of stuff that can make you be noticed. maybe doing some stuff that can make you meet new people? anyway, i dont think its something wrong about you though it isnt bad luck either.. bad luck would imply theres nothing that can be done about it and i doubt that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YNRA 1,082 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Share Posted February 1, 2018 makeup then? idk there's a lot of stuff that can make you be noticed. maybe doing some stuff that can make you meet new people? anyway, i dont think its something wrong about you though it isnt bad luck either.. bad luck would imply theres nothing that can be done about it and i doubt that i do my makeup pretty nice, i dont want to look like a clown but i guess maybe ill try to find something to stand out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khyler 293 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 i would do this but im trying to get a job in a professional field so maybe changing my hair dramatically is not a good idea for me.... plus i went blonde last year so my hair is still damaged as for clothing, i dont have money to spend on new clothes You definitely need a common interest with your friend. An interest that persists in time, and primary tier interest, not like second tier, something that will make you talk for at least 3 hours on phones. If this is not the case, then it's normal that you do not find real friends, because there is no real connection, it's artificial, and this never holds. The people that you know well but ignore you are probably bound with work (tell me if I'm wrong) and that's artificial, it won't last. You also need someone that's approximatively at the same level in life. And also, that's some very abstract rule, but if they never laugh at one of your jokes or you're not able to make them laugh, then, it won't works too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamayam 1,081 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 I'm in the same predicament. I used to be mindful of this at first, now I don't care lul Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YNRA 1,082 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Share Posted February 1, 2018 You definitely need a common interest with your friend. An interest that persists in time, and primary tier interest, not like second tier, something that will make you talk for at least 3 hours on phones. If this is not the case, then it's normal that you do not find real friends, because there is no real connection, it's artificial, and this never holds. The people that you know well but ignore you are probably bound with work (tell me if I'm wrong) and that's artificial, it won't last. You also need someone that's approximatively at the same level in life. And also, that's some very abstract rule, but if they never laugh at one of your jokes or you're not able to make them laugh, then, it won't works too. ill be honest, i have no huge interests lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hyojinsoul 17 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 I have the same feeling to.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khyler 293 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 ill be honest, i have no huge interests lol. Well that could actually explain a bunch of things, your inability to connect with the majority of people. The vast majority of people are appeled in more mainstream interest, but even if you were interest in more marginal ones, it can still works. For example anime : anime, like kpop is actually pretty vast. You can both love anime and still watch 2 different kind of animes but that's good, because now you have a topic of conversation, why this one is better, I can suggest you this one, this is thrash because, hey I saw that new anime lets try to watch it together, hey there's this otakhu convention we should try it, I bought this cosplay, etc. one interest can connect to other things and this will eventually naturally maintain your frienship. You need a true reason to connect with someone some people is just : we love to go to bar, we love hockey, we love to go out, we love to talk about girls and bingo. Oviously friendship is not just about this but it's a core essential. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YNRA 1,082 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Share Posted February 1, 2018 Well that could actually explain a bunch of things, your inability to connect with the majority of people. The vast majority of people are appeled in more mainstream interest, but even if you were interest in more marginal ones, it can still works. For example anime : anime, like kpop is actually pretty vast. You can both love anime and still watch 2 different kind of animes but that's good, because now you have a topic of conversation, why this one is better, I can suggest you this one, this is thrash because, hey I saw that new anime lets try to watch it together, hey there's this otakhu convention we should try it, I bought this cosplay, etc. one interest can connect to other things and this will eventually naturally maintain your frienship. You need a true reason to connect with someone some people is just : we love to go to bar, we love hockey, we love to go out, we love to talk about girls and bingo. Oviously friendship is not just about this but it's a core essential. I do have interests but they aren't niche. Like i like going out, photography, beaches, travel. But everyone like that and I'm no expert in anything Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khyler 293 Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 I do have interests but they aren't niche. Like i like going out, photography, beaches, travel. But everyone like that and I'm no expert in anything Well, yeah you don't need to be super passionnate, but you know, something to talk about for a decent amount of time that you kind of genuinely care. A friend is not like a random stranger conversation range. It's bigger, you need something to talk about, you need to interact. But yeah I'm not an expert in friendship by any means, but from what I've experienced, true friendship is mutual partnership. A friendship can only be called a true one when both are available for each other when they need them. You cannot find true frienship, it's developped. And friendship like any relationship isn't linearly positive, like obviously there'll have disagreement and critics, but that's just part of the process. There's a constant trade, maybe someday you'll need her for something big and she'll help you without asking anything in return and you'll think that she's such a good person, but behind, you probably did something as big for her. For me, connecting with a common interest is a good start, after the person can still be a dick, or toxic, or just too different so you'll need to kick him out. Have you met someone good in your life excluding your family? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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