Shut Up And Take My Money 2,297 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Hello random people of OH! I am having a problem right now and I really need some advice on how to handle it. So I have two younger brothers who are in elementary school and every morning I get them ready and take them to school. Now last night I decided to stay over a friend's house and basically, my mom got pissed. She started telling me over the phone that I was being selfish and was like "now who is going to take my kids to school" Keep in mind, I have three other siblings who are in their 20s (two of them live with her) and one of them has Mondays off. She sleeps over so she can use my mom's car on Sundays (her car got repoed, a different issue with her). The school is a 25 minute walk from the house (could be faster but the kids walk slower). I NEVER get to sleep in because I take my younger siblings to school (M-F) and two of the other siblings to work over the weekend (we've gotten into an argument over this already. how could I possibly be so selfish to make the kids walk just because I want to sleep in). Growing up my family always said I should help my mom out whenever she asks (or demands) because she has done a lot for me. I just feel like they should be grateful that I take them at all and it shouldn't be expected of me to take them when they aren't even my kids and I take them 99.5% of the time. I'm not sure how to bring up this topic without getting into a fight. My mom is the type of person to tell you to leave if you say something she doesn't want to hear and most of the time she's drunk so....it's almost a guaranteed fight even my tone isn't aggressive. I want to know if I'm being unreasonable. **edit she's also stated she doesn't want my brother to take them and I've told her she can't be picky when people are doing her a favor. obviously she said she can be Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parkshya 310 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 I would just leave the whole family alone and move away (assuming you're an adult) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
love 8,778 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 you're not being unreasonable Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cake mf 1,737 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 beggars can't be choosers, and they aren't even your kids so... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KaniPi 2,626 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Its alright if children are reasonably young, but if they are older they really need to start going by themselves. You can try to explain to your mom that you can't take them places for your whole life. They need to grow up and start becoming independent, especially those that work. Its ok for school, but workplace...they should find something more local if its difficult for them to commute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzy Quatro 1,441 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 I would just tell her to do it herself or find someone else to do it as I'm willing to help, because I wan't to, but that doesn't mean is my responsibility. If someone would call me selfish (even my parents) about something like this I wouldn't give a single fuck about it, it's gonna be rough but at this point she's already dependent on you doing it so that's why it's hard for her to agree with you. For her it would mean to accept she hasn't been a responsible mother all this time by relying on you, but you know that's not your point so you still need to put a lot of emphasis about not being your responsibility and how her demands are unreasonable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cake mf 1,737 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Its alright if children are reasonably young, but if they are older they really need to start going by themselves. You can try to explain to your mom that you can't take them places for your whole life. They need to grow up and start becoming independent, especially those that work. Its ok for school, but workplace...they should find something more local if its difficult for them to commute. OP said they're in elementary school lol. It's reasonable for the mom to expect someone to take them to school, but she can't be picky when OP has a life too. The other older two should go themselves tho. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shut Up And Take My Money 2,297 Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 you're not being unreasonable Even just this confirmation made me feel better about the situation. Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shut Up And Take My Money 2,297 Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 beggars can't be choosers, and they aren't even your kids so... Which is what I've said before but she says they're my brothers so I should WANT to take them and stop acting like I'm doing her a favor because I'm really doing the kids a favor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shut Up And Take My Money 2,297 Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 I would just tell her to do it herself or find someone else to do it as I'm willing to help, because I wan't to, but that doesn't mean is my responsibility. If someone would call me selfish (even my parents) about something like this I wouldn't give a single fuck about it, it's gonna be rough but at this point she's already dependent on you doing it so that's why it's hard for her to agree with you. For her it would mean to accept she hasn't been a responsible mother all this time by relying on you, but you know that's not your point so you still need to put a lot of emphasis about not being your responsibility and how her demands are unreasonable. I've said this but she's like a child. She tells me to leave and then this just ends up blowing up into a fight when I don't show up the next day. Don't understand how she thinks she can treat me like crap and expect me to still do her favors...even if she is my mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SakuraMatcha 777 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 I have a few choice words about your mother that are probably better left unsaid. I’m really sorry you’re having to go through this...your mom needs to sort herself out and work on being a better parent, to your younger siblings AND to you too. But if discussing this with your mom in a reasonable manner is going to be pointless, I would say go to your older siblings. Tell them you love your family and you would love to help out when necessary, but that you are not the family driver. I would work out an arrangement with them where they help out too and take the kids to school sometimes, and you do some days. It’s so unfair on you to have to do the five days a week school run and on top of that also drop other siblings to work on weekends? Tell them there has to be a fair schedule that involves everyone in the family doing their part, because you all love and care for your younger brothers (I’m assuming) but one person can’t take all the responsibility. You have to have your own life, and wanting to sleep in at least a couple days a week is not a crime when it’s absolutely doable if the other siblings pitch in. You’re not being selfish or unreasonable as far as I can tell, quite the opposite in fact. Your family needs to learn the meaning of gratitude. EDIT: sorry I forgot you said you walk them to school so you’re not the family driver but either way, it’s not fair on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cake mf 1,737 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Which is what I've said before but she says they're my brothers so I should WANT to take them and stop acting like I'm doing her a favor because I'm really doing the kids a favor How old are u btw? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shut Up And Take My Money 2,297 Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 How old are u btw? 24 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhGosh! 1,855 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Keep the peace until you can get out of there. Don't blow up your living situation over principles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cake mf 1,737 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 24 Ooh you work right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shut Up And Take My Money 2,297 Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 Ooh you work right? yeah full time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cake mf 1,737 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 yeah full time Then your mom can’t expect you to be the lyft when you’re already providing for them. Does your mom work too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shut Up And Take My Money 2,297 Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 Then you’re mom can’t expect you to be the lyft when you’re already providing for them. Does your mom work too? She does. And she does expect it lol I've also complained about hitting traffic because I have to wait to take the kids to school at a reasonable time (we've also fought about this) and it always comes back to me being selfish and my traffic being not that bad. I live in San Diego (not L.A but pretty bad traffic) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cake mf 1,737 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 She does. And she does expect it lol I've also complained about hitting traffic because I have to wait to take the kids to school at a reasonable time (we've also fought about this) and it always comes back to me being selfish and my traffic being not that bad. I live in San Diego (not L.A but pretty bad traffic) I know California traffic and how bad it can be lol. Tbh I’d just tell your mom to save up and buy her own car bc she can’t keep relying on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shut Up And Take My Money 2,297 Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 I know California traffic and how bad it can be lol. Tbh I’d just tell your mom to save up and buy her own car bc she can’t keep relying on you. She has a car. She has to leave for work at 6:50 though and the school session starts at 8. My issue is the expectation while also being ungrateful when she has other children who can help out. Bottom line is they aren't my kids and she has yelled at me that I need to stop acting like she depends on me cause she doesn't need me when the reality is she's just lazy and picky and I am just so done. Not sure how to bring it up without causing a fight because this will just happen again if I let it go. Thank you for letting me rant btw, I appreciate it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cake mf 1,737 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 She has a car. She has to leave for work at 6:50 though and the school session starts at 8. My issue is the expectation while also being ungrateful when she has other children who can help out. Bottom line is they aren't my kids and she has yelled at me that I need to stop acting like she depends on me cause she doesn't need me when the reality is she's just lazy and picky and I am just so done. Not sure how to bring it up without causing a fight because this will just happen again if I let it go. Thank you for letting me rant btw, I appreciate it Tbh I’d ask her if she could maybe just let your other siblings drive and have your older siblings take the bus. When I was a kid my dad would drop me off like an hour early bc work and I got into so much trouble so I can understand why she can’t drive them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KaniPi 2,626 Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 OP said they're in elementary school lol. It's reasonable for the mom to expect someone to take them to school, but she can't be picky when OP has a life too. The other older two should go themselves tho. Oh sorry misread that. I’m from the UK. It’s not uncommon for children to dropped to school then, at least where I live. Yeah they could take turns with other siblings who may drive, or just do it sometimes since OP is working full time. It’s unreasonable for his mom to expect OP to drop them all the time. They need to learn to go themselves sometimes. As I said before it’s part of growing up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cake mf 1,737 Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 Oh sorry misread that. I’m from the UK. It’s not uncommon for children to dropped to school then, at least where I live. Yeah they could take turns with other siblings who may drive, or just do it sometimes since OP is working full time. It’s unreasonable for his mom to expect OP to drop them all the time. They need to learn to go themselves sometimes. As I said before it’s part of growing up. All very good points lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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