Spraw 216 Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 Hello, so I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but I'm very lost right know and I feel very alone in my situation so I wanted to know if any of you guys have already had the same problem as me. I'm 18 and I am currently dating my first boyfriend ever (never even kissed once before). Before he arrived in my life, I remember having strong sexual desires in my teenage years, especially before I started having psychological problems like depersonalisation (which happened when I was about 14-15). But now, and you may have already guessed it, I may feel sexually attracted to him from time to time, especially when he's not here and I miss him, but I don't feel excited enough to genuinely want to make love. We tried it 3 times but I couldn't manage to get "in the mood", especially when it starts to get real, everything falls down and I don't understand why. What disturbs me the most is how I became so indifferent towards sex. I don't feel anything anymore and I wonder if it's somehow linked to how I started perceiving sex as I grew up (as something kind of shameful and dirty, but I don't understand how it became like that to me), or if it's linked to some hormonal imbalance. Of course I don't expect this post to solve my problem, but I would really enjoy if some of you could tell me what they think about this, especially if someone has already had this problem, because sometimes I really feel like I'm the only person in my environment with this kind of issue. Thank you and have a nice day/evening ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tearose 1,193 Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 Yeah I'm exactly the same way, I thought I was alone in that. It may just be lack of sexual compatibility but it's also possibly a deep-seated issue. Do what I do and go to therapy until you figure it out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faces 5,832 Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 it's most probably some sort of chemical imbalance, you should talk to your psychiatrist about it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doki-doki 21,660 Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 Not going into the medical reasons (although that's an option to explore), but there could be two reasons, one: you just aren't sexually attracted to him & two: you perceived sex as something different to what you've experienced and therefore it doesn't satisfy you anymore - fantasy over reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spraw 216 Posted January 24, 2018 Author Share Posted January 24, 2018 Yeah I'm exactly the same way, I thought I was alone in that. It may just be lack of sexual compatibility but it's also possibly a deep-seated issue. Do what I do and go to therapy until you figure it out Stay strong, one day we are going to solve this it's most probably some sort of chemical imbalance, you should talk to your psychiatrist about it It's also my theory... thanks for your reply ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blossoms 4,722 Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 You may be somewhere in the asexuality spectrum? It is probably just a mental thing - you are young and inexperienced and there is a LOT of emotions and thoughts that can go through your head and preoccupy your mind. Don't think that there is something wrong straight away, give yourself time and wait until you're completely comfortable. It might just be something you need to think through or talk through with your partner. Try not to overthink it or stress about it too much - its not wrong or bad to feel the way you do, lots of people feel like that. I think you should just give it some time and try to go through your own headspace first ^.^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pinkika 446 Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 i'm a bit like that too. I have a lot of fun doing it at the time but i don't get in the mood all that easily. I've had my hormone levels checked out before and they were fine so it's not that. I think it's just some people are just not as horny as others. My advice, maybe just try different things when doing it. More foreplay, different positions, etc. and communicate to your boyfriend what you like and don't like and then you may feel more compatible sexually. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cake mf 1,737 Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 you might be ace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trashpanda 1 Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 While your psychological mindset and hormonal levels are a factor to your sex drive, it could just take a while until you finally warm up to someone sexually. I mean just because you're 18 doesn't mean you have to be a raging ball of hormones. Sometimes it takes a while to build a strong intimate connection with someone else, or work up the desire to have sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arietta 789 Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 There could be a variety of reasons to why you're feeling this way. I have intimacy issues or I'm asexual or both, but I know for sure that even though I've done sexual things, I find doing those things very uncomfortable with every guy. I used to hate myself cause I couldn't be normal and enjoy sex lol but now I could care less about it. I wouldn't stress too much about it since you're still young and inexperienced. This doesn't mean you won't be able to enjoy sex for the rest of your life. Not everyone can just do it with anybody. It takes some time with some people before they feel ready to have sex with their partner. Talking to a therapist can help though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
in good taste 213 Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 Hello, so I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but I'm very lost right know and I feel very alone in my situation so I wanted to know if any of you guys have already had the same problem as me. I'm 18 and I am currently dating my first boyfriend ever (never even kissed once before). Before he arrived in my life, I remember having strong sexual desires in my teenage years, especially before I started having psychological problems like depersonalisation (which happened when I was about 14-15). But now, and you may have already guessed it, I may feel sexually attracted to him from time to time, especially when he's not here and I miss him, but I don't feel excited enough to genuinely want to make love. We tried it 3 times but I couldn't manage to get "in the mood", especially when it starts to get real, everything falls down and I don't understand why. What disturbs me the most is how I became so indifferent towards sex. I don't feel anything anymore and I wonder if it's somehow linked to how I started perceiving sex as I grew up (as something kind of shameful and dirty, but I don't understand how it became like that to me), or if it's linked to some hormonal imbalance. Of course I don't expect this post to solve my problem, but I would really enjoy if some of you could tell me what they think about this, especially if someone has already had this problem, because sometimes I really feel like I'm the only person in my environment with this kind of issue. Thank you and have a nice day/evening ! I don't think you're indifferent because you're preoccupied about it. Personally.. it seems to me that you're withdrawing because of the way you were led to perceive sex growing up. There are A LOT of factors. Religion, insecurities with one's appearance, your peers (like whether they're sexually active or not, if your friends are open-minded about it, etc), your relationship with your parents, the list goes on. In my early teens I was very curious about sex as well, but I did not explore it because of the sort of social environment I grew up in. I went to a Catholic school, I had intimacy/trust/attachment issues with a primary caregiver as a kid, my friends did not care about sex, I thought it was stupid that my peers were getting pregnant left and right at such a young age, and guys my age were into porn, it was all they ever talked about at one point and I believe I ended up displacing my disgust towards those classmates of mine towards sex. It's okay if you're not ready yet... it takes some people (like me) longer time to warm up to it. You'll only feel shitty afterwards if you actually go through with it at this state when you're still uncertain and uncomfortable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SydneyShea 23 Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 I'm not sure if I can completely relate, but I do think I understand to a certain degree your discomfort in doing the sexual act because of how you fear it is perceived. Personally, what always stressed me out the most was my irrational fear that I would get pregnant haha... That whole 1% chance gets in my head and it worries the hell out of me until I can tell myself to shut up, take a deep breath, let go, and relax~ ^^" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adina kim 484 Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Libido Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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