mitsuhoney 1,231 Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 I hope this is in the right place and I am very sorry about bringing up the current tradegy in K-Pop once more, but I really do not have much people to turn to about this who would really listen so I am hoping that the OH community can help me out here in some way or form. Reading the last message that Jonghyun wrote, it really opened up a part of me that I have long ago, locked away. I went through several years as a teenager lonely, miserable, depressed and feeling like I did not matter to anyone in the whole world, even though I knew that there was a part of me that realized this in some way or another. Word for word as I read his message, I could relate to every single thing he wrote and it pains me and hurts me that there are not only him, but other people as well, in this world who went through what I went through in the past, to feel exactly what he was feeling. I have been so tormented by this and have been really contemplating everything in my life lately. While I was able to recover from the demons inside of me, there are times still where I am at my lowest and I feel like, "Maybe if I go to sleep, I will never wake up again. I would rather that then this constant pain I am feeling. No one gets me." But I eventually get out of that, however, not everyone does and it really hurts me. This is why I can relate to what he was going through, because I went through the same exact thing and wonder if I didn't do everything I could do break away from those demons who were attaching themselves onto me, what would have happened? Sorry for the long post. If this is in the wrong place or not something that should be discussed. I understand if it should be locked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jooooy 764 Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 I understand you very well. I too was very affected by his passing, not only because i listend to his music reguarly but because i saw so much of what he wrote in myself. It's so hard to overpower those demons, it leaves you exhausted and drained. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eriy.m 2,900 Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 Don't get hurt while reading what i'm going to tell you, Jonghyun wrote those words and I'm sure he was hurting and had his reasons, what you need to know is that your life is probably 100% different from his. It'd be easier for you to get help, and just life of a non celebrity is healthier, you probably study or work, and that is worth living for, keep yourself busy and don't think about how sad you are, try to make yourself happy, everyone struggles in life and it's what makes it worth living, it's having things to do, and fighting to have what you don't have. (Celebrities often fall into a world of thinking they are sad because they got nothing to work for as they achieved all their dreams) this is why its important to keep having goals, do things and dont worry if you do them perfectly or not, just putting yourself out there and living day by day is happiness, you don't have to look too far for it. This is just my opinion, i wish you a good recovery, fighting♡ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelanatedBeauty 13,655 Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 Don't get hurt while reading what i'm going to tell you, Jonghyun wrote those words and I'm sure he was hurting and had his reasons, what you need to know is that your life is probably 100% different from his. It'd be easier for you to get help, and just life of a non celebrity is healthier, you probably study or work, and that is worth living for, keep yourself busy and don't think about how sad you are, try to make yourself happy, everyone struggles in life and it's what makes it worth living, it's having things to do, and fighting to have what you don't have. (Celebrities often fall into a world of thinking they are sad because they got nothing to work for as they achieved all their dreams) this is why its important to keep having goals, do things and dont worry if you do them perfectly or not, just putting yourself out there and living day by day is happiness, you don't have to look too far for it. This is just my opinion, i wish you a good recovery, fighting♡ Lol but when I said that the way I pull through is constantly making goals someone told me what I said has nothing to do with depression and tried to make me feel like what I was feeling isn't what I know it is..constantly feeling like you're suffocating..one day you're fine the next your thoughts are killing you depression and anxiety are the worse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiroriii~ 3,297 Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 I also felt like him. And ironically I was also comforted by him. You can be happy, i swear. I swear. Darkness is not all there is, i promise you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
=NoName= 91 Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 I really understand you too. When I read his letter, I cried because I could understand exactly what he meant, I was there. The mind could be such a dark place, and when I was down that path, I thought that no one else could help me but myself which sent me into greater despair. I hope that you are at a better place now. I am not sure what you have done to help yourself but from my personal experience, it was really good to seek professional help and to wind down a little bit. I took a few weeks off to travel to a place I haven't been to, reconnected with my old friends no matter how unwilling I was. I forced myself to do things I really did not want to, which retrospectively might have helped. I also came in terms with my emotions and told myself it was okay to feel that way. Anyway I really hope that you find solace within yourself too. If you are feeling troubled at any time at all, you could talk to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mitsuhoney 1,231 Posted December 20, 2017 Author Share Posted December 20, 2017 I understand you very well. I too was very affected by his passing, not only because i listend to his music reguarly but because i saw so much of what he wrote in myself. It's so hard to overpower those demons, it leaves you exhausted and drained. It really can. And it scares me how it can take over your entire life and some people may not be ever to overcome it. Don't get hurt while reading what i'm going to tell you, Jonghyun wrote those words and I'm sure he was hurting and had his reasons, what you need to know is that your life is probably 100% different from his. It'd be easier for you to get help, and just life of a non celebrity is healthier, you probably study or work, and that is worth living for, keep yourself busy and don't think about how sad you are, try to make yourself happy, everyone struggles in life and it's what makes it worth living, it's having things to do, and fighting to have what you don't have. (Celebrities often fall into a world of thinking they are sad because they got nothing to work for as they achieved all their dreams) this is why its important to keep having goals, do things and dont worry if you do them perfectly or not, just putting yourself out there and living day by day is happiness, you don't have to look too far for it. This is just my opinion, i wish you a good recovery, fighting♡ I never said that my life and his were the same, I just said that I related a lot to him by the words he wrote. Of course what I have been through and what he has been through are different, or who knows, maybe they might have been the same? But I think that is for somebody like me to know for sure, I have not really explained myself word-by-word what happened in my past so that was something that nobody even knew about yet so I am not sure where you're getting the 100% different from yours if you have no idea what happened in my past? Even so, I do not mean for you to take my question too harshly, I am just trying to figure out more what you mean by that. Happiness is always a challenge to find, especially within yourself. Sometimes, it comes to people better than others. I am doing all right for the most part but the letter he wrote really spoke to me and made me realize, are the demons ever really gone? I also felt like him. And ironically I was also comforted by him. You can be happy, i swear. I swear. Darkness is not all there is, i promise you. I know I can be happy. And for the most part, I am a happy person. But I just hate that that "dark place" comes up so easily for me when there are times I wish it could just go away and never come back. I think I have reached that level where I know I deserve happiness, but at the times I am at my lowest, that is not what I think about at all. I really understand you too. When I read his letter, I cried because I could understand exactly what he meant, I was there. The mind could be such a dark place, and when I was down that path, I thought that no one else could help me but myself which sent me into greater despair. I hope that you are at a better place now. I am not sure what you have done to help yourself but from my personal experience, it was really good to seek professional help and to wind down a little bit. I took a few weeks off to travel to a place I haven't been to, reconnected with my old friends no matter how unwilling I was. I forced myself to do things I really did not want to, which retrospectively might have helped. I also came in terms with my emotions and told myself it was okay to feel that way. Anyway I really hope that you find solace within yourself too. If you are feeling troubled at any time at all, you could talk to me. I have also had professional help, so while it did help me immensely, especially not allowing dark thoughts to overcome me, there are still times where I feel like it can just as easily come up again and take over me. I always wonder, if anyone else who also deals with depression and has learned to cope with it or move past it, if there demons are ever truly gone? Sorry. I hope I am making sense. It's hard to put into words exactly what is going on in my head, and I am also trying to avoid certain keywords because they trigger a lot in me. Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts and advice. I needed an outlet to talk about it and I felt this place was a place that people would best understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
=NoName= 91 Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 I have also had professional help, so while it did help me immensely, especially not allowing dark thoughts to overcome me, there are still times where I feel like it can just as easily come up again and take over me. I always wonder, if anyone else who also deals with depression and has learned to cope with it or move past it, if there demons are ever truly gone? Sorry. I hope I am making sense. It's hard to put into words exactly what is going on in my head, and I am also trying to avoid certain keywords because they trigger a lot in me. Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts and advice. I needed an outlet to talk about it and I felt this place was a place that people would best understand. I'm sorry I actually just got over it, so I can't really tell you that the demons are truly gone. It is still there whenever something jogs my memory every now and then. But I have learned that it is part of myself. Sometimes I tell myself that it is part of growing up and because I have suffered, now I can understand other's feelings more. For me, it really helps when I go for charity work, simply because I feel like I could empathise more. I know this sounds really selfish but I found a sense of self worth from helping others. So when the dark thoughts resurface, I would tell myself that all this is just going to make me a better person.I found solace in that, I really hope that you could too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mitsuhoney 1,231 Posted December 20, 2017 Author Share Posted December 20, 2017 I'm sorry I actually just got over it, so I can't really tell you that the demons are truly gone. It is still there whenever something jogs my memory every now and then. But I have learned that it is part of myself. Sometimes I tell myself that it is part of growing up and because I have suffered, now I can understand other's feelings more. For me, it really helps when I go for charity work, simply because I feel like I could empathise more. I know this sounds really selfish but I found a sense of self worth from helping others. So when the dark thoughts resurface, I would tell myself that all this is just going to make me a better person.I found solace in that, I really hope that you could too. Thank you so much. I actually find what you do to be very selfless. I am glad you are able to maintain it. They can never fully go away unfortunately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
=NoName= 91 Posted December 21, 2017 Share Posted December 21, 2017 Thank you so much. I actually find what you do to be very selfless. I am glad you are able to maintain it. They can never fully go away unfortunately. Thank you too. I don't think they will, but lets be stronger together. We are really not alone in this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mitsuhoney 1,231 Posted December 21, 2017 Author Share Posted December 21, 2017 Thank you too. I don't think they will, but lets be stronger together. We are really not alone in this. You're right. I really hope that this is a huge wake up call for Korea as a society, they tend to disregard suicide and/or depression a lot because of the social stigma it has. They need to do something about this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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