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Celebrity deaths are such a weird thing. People act like you shouldn't mourn them


EasySteezy

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So like everyone in the world I found out what happened with Jonghyun this morning. It feels odd and surreal. I loooved Shinee when they first came out in 2008. I was 13 years old and watched all of their interviews. I stopped stanning when I was around 15, but still listened to their music because it's pretty solid. So even though I didn't personally know him it feels like I kinda did. That's the weird thing about when this happens. You realize that you didn't know them, but at the same time you liked their persona so you feel like you did in a way.

I guess this one hits home for me because it's a suspected suicide. I got caught attempting suicide actually this time 2 years ago and got sent to the hospital. I was put in the psych ward for a week and put on pills. I've felt better since I've been on pills. I guess what I'm getting at is I totally get the whole feeling suicidal thing. Since he's an idol he probably thought that getting that sort of help would be out of the question since there is this pressure to be perfect.

  I'm just going to feel slightly off today. It took me a while to gather how I feel about this situation.

I know most people think it's weird to mourn a celeb, but I thought he was so cool when I was young. It feels like an old friend from high school died

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I think you’re handling it well... I wasn’t a fan but I’m going to feel a bit off too. Still laughing and living normally, though.

 

I don’t get the people absolutely depressed and suicidal because of it though. People react differently to things, I guess...

Gs

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i think as long as you respect the fact that you're mourning them as a fan, and that your grief and loss is different than that of their family and friends.. why not mourn if they've meant something to you? 

 

the owner of my local convenience store died, and ofc he and i weren't family but i interacted with him almost daily, i liked him and appreciated those conversations a lot, not to mention his care and integrity as a business owner. he was a sweet and very hardworking. i mourned him, even tho i had never ever been to his house, because i valued something he gave me that was very meaningful to me. that happens with celebrities sometimes too.    

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Seeing a shrink in Korea is extremely rare tbh there is still this stigma that you're crazy/mental. Anxiety and depression can cost you your job (they often check for health certificates etc.) and your social life. I don't think y'all understand how trapped Koreans with mental health issues are. The system failed him. 

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My mom shamed me for crying after learning about Jonghyun ohdearplz.png  but like you said, it feels like an old friend passed away. 

thats exactly why i didnt told my Mom. I lied to her and pretended everything is fine even if its not. It was more easy to lie instead to explain her what kpop is and who Jjong is and why i cry "about someone i am personally not know" (to say it with her words).. She never would understand so why even telling her? 

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Back when The Rev (Avenged Sevenfold) drummer passed, I died for days and my mom told me to get over it but she cried for days over Prince and recently Tom Petty.

 

I think she just thought I was crazily obsessed with him but she now sees that he was an icon to me and his passing took a hit to me. She now joins in on my talks about him and Avenged Sevenfold.

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I was such a bratty fan of Shinee. Shinee was the group that carried me though my teen years. Every bit of them will always be a part of me. I actually wasn't expecting this too hit so hard, but ever since I heard, I've been feeling really sick. I really don't feel well. Every member helped me turn into who I am today.

 

On a positive note, I've decided to seek help for my own issues because of this. I've never lost people I love to suicide before and it's really an eye opener. Hopefully I get to a place where I'm as open about it as he was. Maybe I'll save others just as he's still saving people even after he's gone. I still feel sick and lethargic about all this, but I'm gonna take it a day at a time.

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Like, sure I didn't know him personally, but he's still a person I liked because of his music, personality, etc. And SHINee was the first Kpop band I listened to. And of course it's different than mourning a family member or a friend, but still. It feels so surreal...

 

I'm glad my parents don't care if I cry, they're always like: "If you have to cry, then cry." They also didn't care when I cried the whole day when Luhan left EXO so.

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people act differently to these type of situations.....personally after losing my father I became a bit cold when it comes to mourning 

 

But I see people here feeling sad because someone they really liked is gone and of course I understand their pain

I put myself in their postion..... what if my bias died?? Im sure that would be a sad situation for me too because in some way these celebrities are also part of your life and they make you happy.

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I made the foolish choice of telling my mom about it, when I told her it was a Kpop idol she scoffed at me, said "he didn't even know who you were and here you are crying about him, some Asian boy who doesn't give a damn about you" and told me to hurry up and clean the fridge. I went to my room to gather my thoughts and cried even harder. Then I heard her tell my dad. My dad asked her if I ever met him and she said "no". Then, at the top of his lungs to make sure I could hear, he said "what an absolutely stupid, foolish thing to cry about". I've been crying all day... I really regret telling them. I won't tell them next time I'm suffering

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I hate when people cannot understand when somebody else is mourning over a celebrity, you grew up and followed the life and career of this celebrity, so you basically know them probably better than you would even a cousin, they matter to you and when you say, "I love Jonghyun!" or have any type of affection toward a celebrity, you grow an emotional attachment to them, even disregarding the fact that you may not have physically met them, they are still an important matter in your life and nobody has the right to tell you what to feel. So if you feel hurt, as much as I do over this loss, then I tell you that you should never feel like you do not deserve to feel the way you are feeling because you are entitled to that.

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thats exactly why i didnt told my Mom. I lied to her and pretended everything is fine even if its not. It was more easy to lie instead to explain her what kpop is and who Jjong is and why i cry "about someone i am personally not know" (to say it with her words).. She never would understand so why even telling her? 

 

I should have known better tbh.  But I was so vulnerable at that moment.

 

 

I hope you don't mind because I need to get this off mu chest, but she's the most fake person, I can't right now.  She had the audacity to tell me that there are people who are worst off so I should think about them, as if that would make me feel better.  Then she said that she "understands" that but she didn't feel sympathy for people who commit suicide, because according to her religious belief, it is sinful and all they need is Jesus.  I can't stand being related to someone so backwards.  Then she starts whining when i told her that this is why I don't tell her shit, she dared to say I should open up to her about more things.  Why? So i can have my heart ripped to shred by ignorance? I'm so tired, I can't even mourn in peace ohdearplz.png

 

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I feel like if you don’t actually know the person/have met them then people think that you shouldn’t mourn over them. But that mentality is honestly just stupid. They don’t understand what it’s like. Okay, sure, majority of us never met Jonghyun but he was still a part of us. We saw him laugh and cry and we laughed and cried with him. We listened to his music, gave him love and supported him - and he did the same for us. He was a part of our lives and now that he’s gone, it won’t be the same without him. We won’t ever be able to see that beautiful smile again. Do you have any idea how much that pains me? I can’t exactly put it into words or describe it. But when you lose your fave, you lose a part of yourself. For some of us, Jonghyun and SHINee are a part of our identity. They helped shape who we are as people. For some of us who’ve had it rough it life - they were the light at the end of the tunnel. They made us smile when we were at our lowest. If we had a bad day, they were the ones who would change that for us. They were there when we were at our lowest. But why couldn’t we do the same for them? That’s why we cry, because we’ve just lost a part of ourselves and because we feel so helpless. I wish things didn’t happen the way they happened - I wish he was still happy, alive and breathing. But he’s not and that really hurts. These people won’t ever really understand our grief or sorrow. They never got to experience what we experienced - for the fans who were there for them since debut or even predebut and even the current fans; they’ll never understand because they never went on that journey with them like we did.

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Seeing a shrink in Korea is extremely rare tbh there is still this stigma that you're crazy/mental. Anxiety and depression can cost you your job (they often check for health certificates etc.) and your social life. I don't think y'all understand how trapped Koreans with mental health issues are. The system failed him. 

 

This.

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I love Jonghyun as a person, he was just, incredible. I was not a fan (im sorry to any shawol that gets mad at these words, but if im going to talk, im going to talk completely, without censor) yet i loved and admired him, he was such a genuinely nice person who tried to make world more equal, for everyone. I cried... alot, for hours. I cant even imagine the state shawols are in. 

 

I believe everyone should be mourned, everyone deserves a goodbye from their loved ones, even if you never saw Jonghyun, or talked with him, we are human, we love despite screens and translations, we deserve that final mourning.

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I should have known better tbh.  But I was so vulnerable at that moment.

 

 

I hope you don't mind because I need to get this off mu chest, but she's the most fake person, I can't right now.  She had the audacity to tell me that there are people who are worst off so I should think about them, as if that would make me feel better.  Then she said that she "understands" that but she didn't feel sympathy for people who commit suicide, because according to her religious belief, it is sinful and all they need is Jesus.  I can't stand being related to someone so backwards.  Then she starts whining when i told her that this is why I don't tell her shit, she dared to say I should open up to her about more things.  Why? So i can have my heart ripped to shred by ignorance? I'm so tired, I can't even mourn in peace ohdearplz.png

 

 

i absolutely dont mind u open up. Feel free.

 

i can absolutely relate to what u said bc my Mom is like this too. As i was younger, i did the same mistake as u and told her when i was literally devastated about the death of Lady Diana or was crying as Michael Jackson died. But my Mom was only like: *yeah its sad.. life goes on.. bye i have to leave now.. see u soon*.. She totally didnt care how i feel. The only thing calmed her down was the million of ppl who was mourning with me.. but Kpop? she dont know what Kpop is. She dont know no one who likes Kpop. Its too abstract to understand for her.. If it was too abstract for her to understand why all ppl and me  cried for Diana, there is no way to understand for her how i cry abt a boy i didnt know from other part of the world.. You know there are mistakes u dont do again, and telling my mom such things is one of them.. My Mom also want me be open to her.. but the moment i would open my mouth i already would knew its a mistake.. no matter if its abt my mental problems or abt someones death or abt many other things.. How u should be open if u gets shaming the very same second u open up? 

 

 

 

i also can relate to the religion believes. my parents arent even religious, but my Mom also thinks its a sin.. So i guess thats why my Mom till today didnt process that i tried to commit suicide myself. 

 

 

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I think I was very lucky. My mom came in while I was having a panic attack after learning what happened. She doesn't really know anything about SHINee but she knew how much I care about them. She helped me calm down and brought me water. Even though she had to go to work she sent me texts all day making sure I was okay. I'm so thankful that I have her.

 

I miss him so much and it's still so hard to breathe.

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i absolutely dont mind u open up. Feel free.

 

i can absolutely relate to what u said bc my Mom is like this too. As i was younger, i did the same mistake as u and told her when i was literally devastated about the death of Lady Diana or was crying as Michael Jackson died. But my Mom was only like: *yeah its sad.. life goes on.. bye i have to leave now.. see u soon*.. She totally didnt care how i feel. The only thing calmed her down was the million of ppl who was mourning with me.. but Kpop? she dont know what Kpop is. She dont know no one who likes Kpop. Its too abstract to understand for her.. If it was too abstract for her to understand why all ppl and me  cried for Diana, there is no way to understand for her how i cry abt a boy i didnt know from other part of the world.. You know there are mistakes u dont do again, and telling my mom such things is one of them.. My Mom also want me be open to her.. but the moment i would open my mouth i already would knew its a mistake.. no matter if its abt my mental problems or abt someones death or abt many other things.. How u should be open if u gets shaming the very same second u open up? 

 

 

 

i also can relate to the religion believes. my parents arent even religious, but my Mom also thinks its a sin.. So i guess thats why my Mom till today didnt process that i tried to commit suicide myself. 

 

 

 

I'm sorry that happened to you.  I don't understand, how can they not feel something when another person passes away like that? Even if it is a stranger, there is still basic respect and decency.  But she expects everyone to empathize with her whenever she feels down and I have to be her strength when she's sad.  I don't really open up to her to begin with, but this has sealed the deal for me, never again. 

 

 

The religiousness is why I haven't told my parents how many times I came close to committing suicide before.  They don't understand the pain, they think anything i feel is stupid and childish anyways.  I'm glad you're still here :)

 

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