mitsuhoney 1,231 Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 I really need some advice... I am a gay man in his 20s and have been having a pretty hard time finding that special someone. I know, I know "let them find you," "try to love yourself before loving somebody else," and "they will come around when you least expect it." I have heard all these things time and time again, but my problem is, is it me or is it just the gay community being so superficial that makes it impossible for somebody like me to find anyone? I like to think of myself as an attractive person, I am not trying to sound conceited but I have been told by others that I am attractive. Hell, there are even people who keep telling me, "How is a person like you still single?" and what makes it worse is that it is not even that I find myself attractive, but that people tell me I also have a really great personality and get along well with just about anyone that I meet. I am an outgoing and friendly person who tends to go that extra mile for someone (be as it may in a friendship or a relationship) and I love surrounding myself with the people that I care about the most. I used to try so hard in trying to find somebody, I had almost all of the dating apps including Grindr and Jack'd. But nobody ever talked to me or gave me the time of day, and if they did, it was either short-lived in terms of them only being interested in a fling or the inevitable catfishing (which has happened to me on more than one occasion). Finally, I told myself that these apps were psychologically damaging, it made me feel worthless and unattractive so I deleted them all and decided to focus on myself more. And I did just that. I am a lot happier as a person and surround myself with friends, and while they show me unconditional love, there is always that intimate love that is missing that they cannot provide. Gone were the days that I allow myself to hook up because I get too easily attached to someone, so I really have no idea where to turn to. I was introduced to two guys this past summer by my housemates, and they are both really nice people. However, one of them is not ready to commit to a relationship again because of his work and school taking up his life and the other is a nurse in an emergency wing so his schedule is almost always full. What hurts more is that I am trying the best to my ability to make an effort and show them who I really am. I honestly find myself constantly being the one to message them, call them, set up a date with them, etc. It has been so long since I have had anyone give me the same attention as I did them. I really have no idea what I am doing wrong, and I could really use the advice of anyone willing to share. I will deeply appreciate this. It is getting to a point where even though I am at my happiest right now, the amount of loneliness I am feeling because of a lack of intimacy is starting to take a toll on me personally to a point where I constantly feel fatigued, have random bursts of depression and constantly thinking about "what could have been" or "what I want to happen" I feel like this is getting a bit unhealthy for me. Thank you for listening and apologies for the very long thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovery 438 Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 i have no advice and am sorry you are going through this difficult time. Personally for me it is very scary out in the world as a lot of people are interested in only using me instead of loving me, i do not know if that is anything like what you are essperiencing but regardless i hope that the person who will love you the most in this world finds you soon and that you both end up spending years of splendorous bliss together!! ^o^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-masayume- 3,749 Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 Aww, sweetie, I wanna hug you. It is getting to a point where even though I am at my happiest right now, the amount of loneliness I am feeling because of a lack of intimacy is starting to take a toll on me personally to a point where I constantly feel fatigued, have random bursts of depression and constantly thinking about "what could have been" or "what I want to happen" I feel like this is getting a bit unhealthy for me. I feel the same way as you do so I understand your emotions. I'm not a gay man so I can't comment on gay community part. However, I have a gay friend who uses Grindr as well - he hasn't find the right guy yet, but he keeps using the app even today after many failed Grindr relationships without giving up. I don't know what to tell you sans the stuff you've already heard before. Maybe you should give those apps one more chance. Also, if there's a gay bar near your vicinity, try to go out there and maybe you'll meet someone new. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mitsuhoney 1,231 Posted November 30, 2017 Author Share Posted November 30, 2017 i have no advice and am sorry you are going through this difficult time. Personally for me it is very scary out in the world as a lot of people are interested in only using me instead of loving me, i do not know if that is anything like what you are essperiencing but regardless i hope that the person who will love you the most in this world finds you soon and that you both end up spending years of splendorous bliss together!! ^o^ Thank you so much for those kind words, it really does help me and I wish the same for you as well! In this day and age, it is so much harder to find somebody. Aww, sweetie, I wanna hug you. I feel the same way as you do so I understand your emotions. I'm not a gay man so I can't comment on gay community part. However, I have a gay friend who uses Grindr as well - he hasn't find the right guy yet, but he keeps using the app even today after many failed Grindr relationships without giving up. I don't know what to tell you sans the stuff you've already heard before. Maybe you should give those apps one more chance. Also, if there's a gay bar near your vicinity, try to go out there and maybe you'll meet someone new. I could never say no to hugs, I love hugs way too much. Yeah it is honestly starting to feel so unhealthy for me to deal with what I have to deal with. Having the dating apps proved to always be unsuccessful and there are times where I have deleted my account and regained it once more within a few months, but it always ends the same way so this was kind of my last chance on having the app and just give up even trying to meet people that way because it never works out the way I want it to. I can try to go out to a bar or club to meet people that way but I live 45 minutes away from the main city here (San Francisco) so the town I live in has just one gay bar and it is pretty seedy and gross and I doubt I would ever meet anyone worthwhile in that bar. My only bet is to go and visit my friends in San Francisco and perhaps meet people at one of the many bars and clubs there. I guess in the long run, since I refuse to have dating apps any longer, I have to take the initiative and put myself out there by going out more and meeting people that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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