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Six Types of Terrible K-pop Fanfiction


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Fanfiction is a dirty word in the K-pop fandom. It’s a dirty word in ANY fandom. But we all read it from time to time. Some of us are hardcore consumers — constantly begging for updates — while others read a casual fic here and there. There’s the quiet girl in the corner of your classroom secretly writing M-rated smuts and she’s probably got a following of 10,000 readers.

Yep. welcome to the world of fanfiction. Being an almost veteran K-popper, I like to think that I have experience in the field of fanfic appreciation. Back in my day, it was all about Winglin; however as with all things, an Internet evolution has taken place and things have changed.

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But one thing is for sure: a shitty fanfic, is always going to be a shitty fanfic. So, grab a cuppa’ and peruse your way through this list of the six fanfiction faux pas.’

 

THE ‘I-CAN’T-WRITE-FOR-SHIT-SO-I’M-JUST-GONNA-MAKE-A-PLAY’ TYPE

 

These fanfics are just as annoying as they seem. I feel almost sorry for all these young wannabe Shakespeares and Marlowes who think they are integrating two rich cultures together. Plays are difficult to write — ask a playwright. They include thorough stage directions for one.

 

Excerpt:

“insert your name here†: What do you mean, Oppa?! I love you! Don’t you understand?!?!

Oppa: I don’t know what to do â€œinsert your name here.†This is so hard.

“insert your name hereâ€: I left the f*****g country for you, I left my home, my family, my friends …  just so we can be TOGETHER!

(crying)

Oppa: I know …  I know. Im sorry.

(next day) “insert your name here†: I love you, Oppa.

Oppa: I love you, too, “insert your name hereâ€

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Exactly what the heck happened? Why did they argue? Where were they? Where the fook are they now?! What, you couldn’t be bothered thinking up a place? Or their names?! These are possibly the most lazy fanfics a K-popper will ever encounter. Best leave these to late night, brain dead scrolling sessions.

 

THE ‘IF-YOUR-INTERNET-IS-SLOW-DON’T-EVEN-BOTHER’ TYPE

 

Excerpt: You step out in to the sun and get ready for a difficult day. The B.A.P members look at you in awe. They have never seen such a beautiful being in their entire lives.

“Well, well, you scrub up good,†said Yongguk with a sly wink. You blush and your heart skips a beat. You’re wearing this *insert link here to a picture of a korean ulzzang that looks NOTHING like you* and feel like a million dollars.

 

Well, well, your imagination decided to take a day off. You imagined a place, a time and a relevant group, but forgot to think of any clothes?! After multiple clicks on the links bring nothing but failure, I would say it’s time to turn off your computer.

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THE “I-NEED-SCHOOLING†TYPE

 

Excerpt:

On their adventure inside the decrepit old building, the EXO members happened to perchance upon an isolated room. The room was pitch black, and anyone could hardly see a thing. Chen and Chanyeol were being their rowdy selves as usual, whilst Xiumin was enjoying the mood that the dark bought along with it. 

“OMG! Where’s Kai?!†said Chanyeol suddenly. Everyone became still.  “I’m right here Chan…†replied Kai moments later. 

“Aigoo! he’s so dark I cant even see his face in the light!†snickered Baekhyun. Everyone roared with laughter whilst a chorus of “Kamjjong Kamjjong Kamjjong†followed shortly after.

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WTF.  Are you serious?! You honestly think that racial slurs are acceptable?! Do you not feel the uncomfort stemming from your insides upon reading your own work?!  The disappointment that you feel within your bones whence you read these fics is incomparable. Subtle racism is well and alive these days ladies and gentlemen. Here is a prime example. Y’all need to get ya asses back to school.

 

  THE ‘INSTRUCTION-MANUAL’ TYPE

(!!!!!!!!!!PLEASE READ THIS!!!!!!!)
Hi, my lovely readers! We are at 120 chapters!! woooooooo!!
So, read this chapter whilst listening to this *insert link.*  It’s the peaceful sounds of seagulls at a beach with an overlay of south eastern buddhist chanting. Make sure that you’re drinking some calming camomile tea as well as opening all your windows so you can feel the sharp night air as you’re reading. I find it helps you focus on how the characters are feeling. Trust me, I nearly cried while writing this.

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Trust you. Trust you, eh? Have you tried leaving the window open in the middle of an English winter? Do you want me to die?! Okay, I’ll admit it’s a feat to write a 120 chapters of complete bollocks, but I’m not feeling this passive aggressive tone you’ve got going on. I always wonder if the people who write these fics are just as bossy in real life? I mean, do they tell their teachers to read their essays in a similar fashion? Does it work? Do they pass? I need to know, damn it!

 

THE ‘ONE-SHOT-SMUT’ SCENARIO

 

Excerpt:

Hoya pushes into you slowly, his hands reaching for your hands. You grip them and tears well up in your eyes, pouring down the sides of your cheeks.

“Just breathe, baby, just breathe,†he says huskily, then when you look up at him, he takes that as the signal to move and begins to —

 

Admit it. You read over this excerpt at the speed of light. We all know that the lady who wrote 50 Shades of Grey was once a smutty fanfic writer. Now, I’m of the opinion that an imagination has no boundaries, but this doesn’t stop me from feeling like I’ve stepped into a puddle of mud. I was just scrolling through Tumblr, hoping to get my daily dose of Hoya, and then BAM! “IMAGINE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU AND HOYA WERE LOCKED IN A CLOSET?!!? A LOT OF SEX THAT’S WHAT!!!â€

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While some rated fics get the balance between a plot and sexy slow-mo shots perfect, others are a written version of having your ovaries explode. Not much can be done once you’ve scarred your retinas reading this. I recommend some heavy duty meditation, showers and a large dosage of your favourite kids TV show … you know … to regain the innocence lost.

 

THE ‘LANGUAGE-LESSON’ TYPE

Excerpt:

“Jagiya! Otteokhe? Im feeling so tired!â€

“Oh aegee-ah! Uljimah! Uljima Gwenchana Gwenchana!

“Oppa, keurae? Call!â€

“Hwiating!â€

"Buing Buing! Heart-teu!â€

Umm.. okay. I’m not sure your aware of this… but I don’t understand nor speak Korean. Neither can you it seems. Your quite liberal scattering of Korean, has left me confused and slightly overwhelmed. Just because you have downloaded a Korean keyboard, does not mean that you can butcher the language at your will. Kindly stop this nonsense.

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Of course not ALL fics are like this; where we have our wannabes, we also have those who deliver (and deliver hard). Some of my most favorite pieces of writing have been created by fellows fans. The creative energy that K-poppers have is enough to power an entire country — and trust me, when you find that fanfic that makes you cry tears of blood and frustration (leaving you in a state of depression for days after ) you’ll know what I’m talking about. Until that happens, better skim the pages.

Ever read any fanfics like this?

cr: theoneshots

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HE ‘LANGUAGE-LESSON’ TYPE Excerpt: â€œJagiya! Otteokhe? Im feeling so tired!†“Oh aegee-ah! Uljimah! Uljima Gwenchana Gwenchana! â€œOppa, keurae? Call!†“Hwiating!†“Buing Buing! Heart-teu

 

 

I can tolerate alot of things in fanfic, but this is not one of those things

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My favouritr is when author writes herself in the fic, just a hundres percent better than in rl

"Hi, oppa. My name Maria blah blah . I am quarter Chinese Japanese French Italian." (How accurate lol)

 

And then they proceed having 50 dates with oppa.

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THE “I-NEED-SCHOOLING†TYPE


 


Excerpt:


On their adventure inside the decrepit old building, the EXO members happened to perchance upon an isolated room. The room was pitch black, and anyone could hardly see a thing. Chen and Chanyeol were being their rowdy selves as usual, whilst Xiumin was enjoying the mood that the dark bought along with it. 


“OMG! Where’s Kai?!†said Chanyeol suddenly. Everyone became still.  â€œI’m right here Chan…†replied Kai moments later. 


“Aigoo! he’s so dark I cant even see his face in the light!†snickered Baekhyun. Everyone roared with laughter whilst a chorus of “Kamjjong Kamjjong Kamjjong†followed shortly after.


 


This is the only thing I disagree with. It's a story.. Slurs in general don't make stories terrible just because they are offensive in nature and maybe even origin. :wth: You have to understand the intent and the purpose the author had with it in the story and the effect it is supposed to have on/what they are trying to translate to the reader.  Also, censoring a letter or two works. Then again, this could just be what makes a story terrible to you.


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I dont like to read kpop fanfics cause it feels awkward reading fictional stuff about real people, so I stick with anime and book fanfics ._.

 

but omfg I seriously cannot stand when fanfics are all like "MINNA-SAN KONNICHIWA KAWAII DESU" like omg as soon as I see the word kawaii or ohayo or baka or desu or -chan/-koi/-san

I click x : ) I cannot stand that shit for the life of me. Unless its a crack fanfic and its supposed to be funny, but i dont read those anyways so ._.

 

Also fukin terrible punctuation. Like when they do this, "And then she ran !"

why

why are u putting a space between ran and !

like wats the point of that. If I see it once then ok u made a mistake i'll forgive u gorl, but I've seen some fanfics that ALWAYS added a space between their punctuation and it made me very angry : )

 

omg I sound like I take fanfics too seriously lool I dont even read them often :'/ But I swear I've read some really quality fanfics that won awards and shit and some are even worked on to be publish (but change the characters names and all that lol) so srsly, some are omfg so good <3 and thats what i'm in for when it comes to fanfic. None of that pre-teen illiterate bs  :>_>:

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THE ‘LANGUAGE-LESSON’ TYPE

Excerpt:

“Jagiya! Otteokhe? Im feeling so tired!â€

“Oh aegee-ah! Uljimah! Uljima Gwenchana Gwenchana!

“Oppa, keurae? Call!â€

“Hwiating!â€

"Buing Buing! Heart-teu!â€

 

 

 

/pukes PLS NO 

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