Do you think the college friendships youve made will your whole life? What should I do?

[YNRA]

ok i just transferred from a junior college to a 4 year state school

 

 

now ive had a pretty decent social life as i live on the campus. ive met a lot of people, and made lots of friends, but i doubt any of these relationships will ever last after college. these friends ive made are not real friends. they are only on the surface friends. like we will meet if we want to go eat or want to go somewhere in town or to a party. but i know they are fake friends because ive had a few incidents with them where a real friend would never leave me on my own but they did. so now im really wary of them, but ill still go out with them and act like nothing is wrong even though i know they are not real friends. 

 

 

especially since most of my friendships have been with exchange students from other states or countries

 

 

i really feel like ive made no real friends, like theyre just superficial friendships based on the fact that we're in a new place and want someone to do stuff with but most of these students already found new people to hang out with while i havent so ive already been forgotten and left behind despite it being less than 3 months 

 

 

 

everyone who i vibe with is either super busy outside class or they are exchange students who will leave after a few months or a year and those friendships feel really fake 

 

im the only person i know who lives on campus but doesnt talk to roomates. one of them is dirty and annoying and i would never want to hang out with her. the other 2 seem way too busy and submerged into their own private social lives to even talk to besides when we are on our way out the door and see eachother in the kitchen. 

 

like i dont understand what i do wrong. ive been super friendly, but i can only fake people. i go to a small uni and i feel like ive already met half my school yet i feel nothing special with anyone 

 

 

 

how can i make real friends in college?  

should i just avoid exchange students from now on? 

is it better to be alone then to hang out with these fake people? 

[Pufferfluffer]

Your sig is me to all the friendships I had

[Sdm]

I'd like to be in touch with 2 of them but rest of my friends are honestly very trashy and annoying

[shocking blue]

I hope so. We've been through a lot together!

[denizen mars]

I haven't made a single lasting friend in my life so far, much less in college

but I think that's more a commentary on how I am as a person so probably you'll meet those fantastical lifelong friends all the college brochures talk about eventually

[JihyoStoleMyHeartAYAYAY]

I'd like to be in touch with 2 of them but rest of my friends are honestly very trashy and annoying

[Aletheia]

Only if you're actively forming friendships that you think can become valuable connections down the road. That seems like a harsh thing to say, but forming connections in college is one of the best things you can do, and it helps to have friendship as a basis for it.

 

I've got a few friends in my major who are eyeing careers in editing and publishing, and as an aspiring writer that could come in handy. 

[bunny]

i think its super important to have friends in school that you can just hang out with/keep you company, they make school life easier

 

but it can also be important to have real, long lasting friends too! out of everyone i ever met in college, i made one really good friend, which even making one true friend is rare these days. i just feel like it's hard to come by. but anyway, i think it all depends on finding someone you really get along with and being able to open up to each other to develop a closer friendship than with your other friends. this can't be forced though, it just kinda happens naturally! i think if you just keep meeting people you will find that person or people who you can truly connect with, just give it time ^^ 

[denizen mars]

Only if you're actively forming friendships that you think can become valuable connections down the road. That seems like a harsh thing to say, but forming connections in college is one of the best things you can do, and it helps to have friendship as a basis for it.

 

thoughts on this: having social anxiety sucks because people are constantly telling you that you must make friends in college so you can get ahead in life, but also trying to be social gives you anxiety, so you end up feeling two different pressures (and in my case, staying at home doing nothing but being a ball of stress about the whole thing)

[secondgrade]

na

[VANTE]

honestly not really, we all have very different paths and it will be hard to even see them after graduation

 

but they're fun for now

[Thatoneuser]

Honestly why bother with superficial friends that you know you wont talk to after college? It may remedy the loneliness a little bit but it doesn't actually help in the long run. Think of it like this. Likeness attracts likeness, so I don't know what exactly you're doing but maybe if you open up to people more and what not then they're come to you and be friends? In any case try something different than you have been doing before, because it isn't working.

 

Don't worry though, friends will come in due time. 

[wookietis]

my best friends from college become my best friends for life now

it's been few years since we graduated but we still stay friends and now most of us live in the same city

we also go for holidays together

 

you don't have to push yourself to find your best friends in college

if you don't feel like it then don't do it especially if you feel the friendship is not genuine

perhaps you can find them elsewhere like some of my work colleague also become my close friends

[sammydee]

Some of them yes

[Katie]

i really only made 1 friend in college and that was because i lived with her honestly i talk to my high school friends more. but i also don't talk to them very much so... friendless for life I guess lmao

[YNRA]

Honestly why bother with superficial friends that you know you wont talk to after college? It may remedy the loneliness a little bit but it doesn't actually help in the long run. Think of it like this. Likeness attracts likeness, so I don't know what exactly you're doing but maybe if you open up to people more and what not then they're come to you and be friends? In any case try something different than you have been doing before, because it isn't working.

 

Don't worry though, friends will come in due time. 

ive been doing things differently in uni then at home

 

 

at home i actually made some good friends in highschool but i stopped talking to them regularly after graduation bcuz our interests split. i wish i could go back and salvage those friendships since it was half my fault. after hs i was not social, i didnt try to talk to ppl and made no new friends that lasted outside work/school.

 

in uni its the opposite, all my "friends" are not even classmates of mine. ive been really social in uni but its not working either. 

 

 

so im not sure what to try now 

[KimiKazoo]

You don't really make friends in college unless you are in a fraternity/sorority or have a set cluster.

 

Try graduate school, that's where you are most likely to make friends that last. 

[MiszNe99]

Some might but honestly, nothing lasts long. I make friends with my club members, housemates and classmates but I'm sure we're just friends on the surface. I like to eat and do stuff alone.

 

Based on my mother and siblings experience I do think that your life partner will be your true friend.

[Guest]

I'm in touch with one of them. And I graduated 6 months ago. I hope it lasts forever

[misschelss]

yep i sure did made long lasting college friendships.. it feels good tho...

[in good taste]

I'm very grateful to have made two meaningful friendships back in college. Just two. We had our ups and downs, at one point they were my "fake" friends, but everything worked out in the end. We understand each other and being with them puts me at ease. I only realized they were going to be the ones who'd stick around even after graduation when we were in our senior year.

 

I think you should give it more time, life has a strange way of playing out and panning out for all of us you mentioned that you just transferred, maybe people around you are still trying to warm up to you. I don't think friendships are something you can force either, i understand that it can be frustrating on your end but not everyone can warm up to strangers at the drop of a hat. Preoccupy yourself with your hobbies and interests and eventually you'll draw like-minded people in

[milkcafe]

i touch base with my college friends from time to time, but i wouldn't say we've stayed close. but that's probably because i'm vaguely antisocial.