peachtea 1,885 Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual assault/Molestation. Okay, so I need advice. I have only spoken to my 2 friends about this and they have agreed that I shouldn't bother telling my parents. But since this whole #metoo business has been happening, it has been nagging at my mind that it's about time I tell my parents. I was molested at the age of 6 by the older boy next door. It wasn't anything particularly aggressive and there was no penetration, but it was sexual. I had no idea what was happening, so I just laid there until he finished and left. It wasn't until I was a teenager when it clicked what actually happened. I am now in my 20s and have never mentioned it once to anyone but my best friend and her sister (who was also molested). I've always had the thought that it's been far too long that there is no point in telling my parent that I'd just be causing trouble if I mention it now. Maybe he forgot he did it, he was only about 9 or 10 then. I don't know, it's just always played on my mind. Maybe it's the reason why the thought of sexual contact makes me uneasy (my friend thinks I'm asexual). What is your advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neosoul 546 Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 It's okay if you don't want to tell your parents. If you can, it may be helpful going to a therapist and talking about it, if it's causing a strain in your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peachtea 1,885 Posted October 28, 2017 Author Share Posted October 28, 2017 It's okay if you don't want to tell your parents. If you can, it may be helpful going to a therapist and talking about it, if it's causing a strain in your life. I actually see a therapist and I've thought of telling her, but something in me just tells me not to. It's like I am scared of impending consequences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dux 3,142 Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 im bad at advice but im so sorry you had to go through that :( youve said why you wouldnt want to tell them, why do you want to? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
café 1,219 Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 talking to family about molestation is extremely liberating, I completely understand why you stopped yourself from doing it this whole time but we live in an era where we need to liberate ourselves. talking will be difficult but it will empower you. just treat it as a phobia, if you manage to do it and get past it, then you can be fucking invincible. also to not keep putting it off, mark a specific date to tell them, and make the sitting casual, make yourself and them comfortable. you'll be okay girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neosoul 546 Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 I actually see a therapist and I've thought of telling her, but something in me just tells me not to. It's like I am scared of impending consequences. I've been in your situation. There's nothing to be scared of - it's completely confidential and they're not able to do much about it, other than listen to you, what you have to say, and what you're feeling - they can't tell your parents, or get anybody involved without your consent. I'm assuming that's the case with your therapist. You did the right thing telling your best friends. If there's anything really bothering you, tell them. You deserve to get it off your chest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peachtea 1,885 Posted October 28, 2017 Author Share Posted October 28, 2017 im bad at advice but im so sorry you had to go through that :( youve said why you wouldnt want to tell them, why do you want to? Thank you so much I guess I feel like they deserve to know, maybe it can help them understand why I am so dysfunctional. talking to family about molestation is extremely liberating, I completely understand why you stopped yourself from doing it this whole time but we live in an era where we need to liberate ourselves. talking will be difficult but it will empower you. just treat it as a phobia, if you manage to do it and get past it, then you can be fucking invincible. also to not keep putting it off, mark a specific date to tell them, and make the sitting casual, make yourself and them comfortable. you'll be okay girl. I really want the weight lifted off my shoulders, but I honestly have no idea how to even bring it up. I have gone over the conversation in my head countless times and it never feels comfortable. I guess I should bring it up to my therapist and ask her for tips on how to break the ice. Thank you so much for your kind words. I've been in your situation. There's nothing to be scared of - it's completely confidential and they're not able to do much about it, other than listen to you, what you have to say, and what you're feeling - they can't tell your parents, or get anybody involved without your consent. I'm assuming that's the case with your therapist. You did the right thing telling your best friends. If there's anything really bothering you, tell them. You deserve to get it off your chest. I'm going to take your advice. I see my therapist on Monday and I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and let it go. Thank you so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dux 3,142 Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Thank you so much I guess I feel like they deserve to know, maybe it can help them understand why I am so dysfunctional. I really want the weight lifted off my shoulders, but I honestly have no idea how to even bring it up. I have gone over the conversation in my head countless times and it never feels comfortable. I guess I should bring it up to my therapist and ask her for tips on how to break the ice. Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm going to take your advice. I see my therapist on Monday and I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and let it go. Thank you so much. good luck with your therapist! proud of you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shocking blue 7,514 Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 I'm really sorry that happened to you. Just know that no matter what 'type' of molestation it was, how far it went, how old the person who did it was.... none of that makes it ANY less of a big deal. It's up to you whether to tell your parents, but like people above have suggested, seeing a professional would be a really good idea as they can help you sort through it and give you more sound advice than I ever could. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milkcafe 3,438 Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 you've got some good advice in this thread op, i don't think i can add anything else. i just want to say that no matter what you do i'm proud of you and you're so strong even just telling it so some faceless people on the internet. i hope you can find peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indigo 16,433 Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 I think you should tell your therapist first. I'd ask them if they have experience with childhood sexual trauma before, just to make sure they can take on the topic, and to give you more feelings of control in the conversation. I think only you can know your parents and what kind of reaction they're likely to have, and what kind of headspace you need to be in to deal with it. You can even ask your therapist if they'd be open to having a family session for you do it, they should be okay with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzy Quatro 1,441 Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 I would totally tell them if something liked that had happened to me and I was feeling upset/bad about the whole thing but then I don't know what kind of relation you have with your parents and what's holding you from telling them and seeking support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheap thriâ„“â„“s 2,846 Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 i am sorry that happened to you, if you feel ready to tell them then do it so you can lift some weight off your shoulders, they might give you the support that you're needing but as some users said before this is something you should address with a therapist so they can guide you in this whole process since it's not gonna be easy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JihyoStoleMyHeartAYAYAY 22,189 Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 It's okay if you don't want to tell your parents. If you can, it may be helpful going to a therapist and talking about it, if it's causing a strain in your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peachtea 1,885 Posted November 4, 2017 Author Share Posted November 4, 2017 good luck with your therapist! proud of you I've been in your situation. There's nothing to be scared of - it's completely confidential and they're not able to do much about it, other than listen to you, what you have to say, and what you're feeling - they can't tell your parents, or get anybody involved without your consent. I'm assuming that's the case with your therapist. You did the right thing telling your best friends. If there's anything really bothering you, tell them. You deserve to get it off your chest. I briefly spoke to my therapist about it and she wants to make our next appointment all about it. I'm honestly terrified about reliving it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dux 3,142 Posted November 4, 2017 Share Posted November 4, 2017 I briefly spoke to my therapist about it and she wants to make our next appointment all about it. I'm honestly terrified about reliving it. you're doing the hardest part now, by opening up about it. If you can do this one hard and uncomfortable thing this once, let it all out, then at least you'll know you've accomplished it. you'll never have to do it again if you dont want to. And If it goes well, you'll be more prepared for telling your parents later Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.