I want to discuss something personal and dark about being in an abusive relationship

[WestWorld]

So this topic is a bit hard for me to talk about it with people I know in real life..but I don’t know any of you guys, I feel a bit more comfortable. And maybe my story can help out someone or if others can relate, I hope they know they are not alone and have someone they can talk to.

 

When I was 21 years old, I was going through one of the most depressing moments of my life. My best friend and my grandmother passed away within 2 months of each other, I was having family problems, and I was dealing with self esteem issues. On top of that, I was diagnosed with a chronic disease so I was super stressed out. At that time I didn’t have any friends since I was a new student in my new university (transferred in during spring semester where no one wants to talk to new people).

 

I used a dating app and connected with a guy, W. He was 7 years older than me and he wasn’t exactly the best looking dude in the world but he was charming and made me laugh and gave me the security and love I felt like I lacked at that time. I fell for him quickly and we began to date each other. At first everything was great! All my life I got bullied so I was insecure about everything but for the first time I felt beautiful. W made me feel so beautiful and happy. But as we got to know each other more things turned sour.

 

Now I was a broke student at that time and W had a good job as a financial manager or something. But he began to tell me that if I didn’t pay for the dates, he would not come see me. Me, being insecure af and stupid at that time, didn’t want to let go of the person that gave me security and confidence so I started paying for everything. I paid for dates, I paid for gas money. Then W started calling me names whenever he was angry. “You’re stupid, you’re worthless, you’re so ugly. If I break up with you, no other guy would ever love you†I would hear this often until I began to really believe it. Soon those words changed into something more aggressive. When W got angry, he pushed me. Those push turned into shove and those shove turned into something more serious. But immediately after, he would tell me how sorry he was. That I was the most precious girl in the world to him, that he loved me so much, he wanted to marry me, and take care of him. After period of time like that, he would treat me so nicely and take me out on dates in which he paid and I thought “ah, maybe it was just a mistake, he is changingâ€

 

But the worst thing is when W came over to my dorm. Now I’m 162 cm and 52kg and he is 186 cm and 131kg...I don’t have a lot of strength. At that time W wanted to have sex but I wasn’t ready. I wanted to wait longer, I wanted to make love to the person I love. But when I said that, he didn’t care at all. He just did whatever he wanted, even when I was crying, when I told him to stop, when I told him I was hurting. He just did whatever he wanted to me and I felt disgusted. I felt like it was my fault, my precious body had been violated but I felt like I was the dirty whore. My mind was like that. But at that time, the term rape didn’t come to my mind. I couldn’t see it like that. How could it be possible for a boyfriend to rape his gf?

 

That’s when I finally got my senses back. Many people might call me stupid but leaving an abusive relationship is so hard. Because that person is so manipulative. I can write many things about the relationship but I cannot express well on how manipulative this guy was and how he would lure me back in. Someone with no friends, someone with body and image issues, someone who was looking for an escape and a person to love...it was easy at that time to take advantage of it. At that time I wanted to feel loved so bad, I was willing to put up with such humiliation and hurtful acts and it’s the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.

 

Ive came to realize that self confidence should not depend on anyone else but yourself. If you cannot love yourself first, no one else can. No matter how shitty you are feeling, it’s not worth having a relationship like that. That is not love; that is just an asshole trying to have power over you. If anyone is in a similar situation, you are a beautiful person and you do not deserve to be treated like this. Please leave as soon as possible.

 

Thank you to everyone who has read my personal story maybe it is too much to share on this kind of forum but I feel a bit of relief finally getting it off my chest.

[Baeks Flat Ass]

I'm glad that you got out of that situation 

[scoopula]

thats rough op:( i hope ure ok now

 

 

if u can and if u want to u could report the guy to the police

 

[Nsfw]

thank you you are very brave for sharing this

[________________]

I'm glad that you got out of that situation 

 

thank you you are very brave for sharing this

[Nissy]

you're really brave for putting it out there tbh i admire you. glad you got out of this situation, hope you're fine 

[Sammy Lee]

 He was an omega manipulative bastard, I hope Karma makes him pay for being a shitty human being, I'm glad you got stronger and started to see the light, you should be damn proud of yourself, he might have taken a lot of things from you but he didn't take your courage that you had deep within, You're a survivor and I thank you for sharing your story. I wish you nothing but happiness in your future. 

[anxiety]

You have a lot of courage to share this, I wish you the best.

[where my hood unnies at]

what he did to you is disgusting and horrible. you deserved so much better.

 

i'm glad you got away. it takes so much strenght to just walk away, especially when it feels like your whole world depends on that one person. abusive people have a way of isolating you from everyone else and making you think no one but them will ever love or care about you. 

[JeojangKC ㄴㄱ]

Thank you for sharing this and I wish you all the best ​

[Cheese_it]

"Ive came to realize that self confidence should not depend on anyone else but yourself. If you cannot love yourself first, no one else can." That is an important and valuable lesson to learn. Thank you for sharing this painful past in hopes to help others escape this sort of situation. 

[k8oboi]

 

[FactMan]

These people look vulnerable people to hurt. It's what they do also I hope he ends up in jail sometime.

 

I also hope you never run into another one of these ever

[Pufferfluffer]

You have a lot of courage to share this, I wish you the best.

[kyulkyung]

Thank you for sharing such a rough and personal part of your life to us 

[OrionVonKeyne]

you're really brave for putting it out there tbh i admire you. glad you got out of this situation, hope you're fine 

[Ꭷ� ᎶᎧ��]

 

 

Thank you for sharing this and I wish you all the best ​

[sunnyfool]

Aww thank you for sharing this, I wish you the best and I am glad you got out of the relationship. I wish people in the same situation as you will have the same courage to get out and realize as you said " you are a beautiful person and you do not deserve to be treated like this."