tsaglaglal 216 Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 Hello kind people who decided to read My best friend in uni whom I've liked for almost 2 years broke up with his gf of 4 years. We made out and confessed to each other 3 weeks after that but now he's pulled back, saying he still hasn't gotten over the break up and he wants to be my bf and love me when he's healed. I've got no problem with waiting (I've been waiting for a long time as you see), but I'm starting to think I only want to hook up... he only does serious relationships and that's why he's trying to wait and do it right, but the idea of a long term relationship terrifies me and the days we were together as bf and gf I felt trapped. Going to dates, being official, it's too much for me. I'd love to just hook up and watch tv shows or something instead So... should I tell him I only want a casual relationship now? Waiting until he's gotten over his ex only to tell him I don't want a serious relationship sounds terrible. And I want him physically, I feel like jumping on him sometimes... especially now that I know what it's like with him - I want him back I do admit that I have commitment problems and every guy who has approached me with the intention of being my bf, I've driven away. I realise one day I'll have to suck it up if I want a life partner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faces 5,832 Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 you should tell him you only want to hook up. but i do think you need to work on those commitment issues as well or else you'll end up alone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink + White 1,593 Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 If he is your best friend you can try telling him your fears of being committed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k8oboi 764 Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy Lee 2,635 Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 Both of you need time, so give him time to heal, and give yourself time to figure out your own desires and feelings, Like do you really like this guy? or are you just fixated on the 'idea' of liking him and him never being yours? but now that things are starting to become real, you're starting to realize your real feelings towards the guy... so take it easy to figure things out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
café 1,219 Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 girl i came into this thread ready to whip out some advice but im in the exact same situation so welp what i do is i stay transparent with my intentions so dont lead him on and stay straight up commitment issues will fix themselves eventually but you do you for now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moon 3,717 Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 you should tell him you only want to hook up. but i do think you need to work on those commitment issues as well or else you'll end up alone IF you want to live with someone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
café 1,219 Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 oops double post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NINI 16,268 Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 Don't wait for him, you are young and shouldn't waste your time for a man that still thinks of his ex = you aren't first = he doesn't love you or care about you enough. But if you just want to hook up and don't care about being second in his heart and mind then... Go ahead. Sorry if I sound a bit harsh but that's what I think and what experience taught me. P.S: I don't like assuming but you sound like someone who is in love and you seem to like him a lot not really like someone who just wants to hook up. It sounds like you want to hook up cause that would be the "best" alternative for you since he isn't in love with you... Be careful girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tsaglaglal 216 Posted October 15, 2017 Author Share Posted October 15, 2017 you should tell him you only want to hook up. but i do think you need to work on those commitment issues as well or else you'll end up alone My ideal plan is to start with a casual relationship and then let it develop organically into something that lasts. But yeah I hate that I need to run away once I'm in a serious relationship and I thought that if one guy can help me overcome it, that's him If he is your best friend you can try telling him your fears of being committed? He's very good at expressing his feelings so I've been only following his lead but I need to tell him what's my stance in this... I'm trying to create a good moment to tell him Both of you need time, so give him time to heal, and give yourself time to figure out your own desires and feelings, Like do you really like this guy? or are you just fixated on the 'idea' of liking him and him never being yours? but now that things are starting to become real, you're starting to realize your real feelings towards the guy... so take it easy to figure things out. You hit the nail on the head OTL I've worried that I only like 'the idea of liking him and him never being mine' before. The fact that I started wanting him again after we stopped dating made me seriously consider it. But when we make up I feel all tingly and amazing and I don't have that with other people. If I end up not telling him anything, I'll make use of that time by looking into myself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy Lee 2,635 Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 You hit the nail on the head OTL I've worried that I only like 'the idea of liking him and him never being mine' before. The fact that I started wanting him again after we stopped dating made me seriously consider it. But when we make up I feel all tingly and amazing and I don't have that with other people. If I end up not telling him anything, I'll make use of that time by looking into myself I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you decide to make Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tsaglaglal 216 Posted October 15, 2017 Author Share Posted October 15, 2017 girl i came into this thread ready to whip out some advice but im in the exact same situation so welp what i do is i stay transparent with my intentions so dont lead him on and stay straight up commitment issues will fix themselves eventually but you do you for now lol I feel better I'm not the only one going through this, thanks I do think I should tell him of my commitment problems because it will only cause problems along the way Although he's known me for more than 3 years and he should realise I only ever hook up with people. I dated a guy for 3 months until he had to leave the country but that wasn't sustainable. Don't wait for him, you are young and shouldn't waste your time for a man that still thinks of his ex = you aren't first = he doesn't love you or care about you enough. But if you just want to hook up and don't care about being second in his heart and mind then... Go ahead. Sorry if I sound a bit harsh but that's what I think and what experience taught me. P.S: I don't like assuming but you sound like someone who is in love and you seem to like him a lot not really like someone who just wants to hook up. It sounds like you want to hook up cause that would be the "best" alternative for you since he isn't in love with you... Be careful girl. Thank you for the harsher view He actually broke up with his gf because they got stuck on a routine and he only felt saw her as a friend. Still, he told me he would've kept dating her if she hadn't asked him why he was being weird lately. Even moving together. She was still in love with him. His ex actually bothers me a lot because they're in the same group of friends... so they are in the same whatsapp groups, and meet up with the group friends regularly. After they broke up she followed me on insta and has started posting 'sexy' pictures and selfies which she never did before... it all makes me think she wants to get him back. I don't doubt he likes me... he's told me he liked me even when they were still together. But maybe he only liked me because he couldn't have me, and I only want to hook up for now so I don't get hurt if he's still hung up on his ex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzy Quatro 1,441 Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 This is gonna end up bad but the less worse way to do it would be to be sincere with him and tell him you don't want anything serious yet (or ever), and you'd rather just hook up and take it slow from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.