Friendship Advice/Help: How to move on?

[IceSmile]

Any advice on how to move on from a toxic friendship?

 

 

 

She was my best friend but now that I am the one depressed, I feel like she can't help me at all. I've been let down a lot this year and had so many changes. My circle broke apart (because of her), I moved back home, I changed jobs. It's been so exhausting.I'm the one only left in our circle and now that I am having my own troubles, she doesn't really know how to help me too and just leaves me be (because she knows I can't be helped by her).  I feel like after all these years, my kindhearted intentions are just being used up. All of our other friends are not her friends anymore too. 

 

After everything, I just feel like she's just being a fair-weathered friend all this time. And that is a lot coming from me who have shielded her all this time for being 'selfish'. I guess naturally she just is. I am generous to a fault and I bought her pity party to suck out the life out of me. 

 

It's not her fault, maybe she's just not good at handling things (my constant excuse to myself and everyone) but she has been my "bestfriend" for about 7 years now ... and I feel like she doesn't really know me. A lot of people told me (my other friends, sisters) that this has been a toxic friendship and that my friend was a wreck I shouldn't bother... but I just saw some good that maybe I can turn to selflessness lol I guess it was just all in vain. 

 

Maybe I was just acting a hero all this time. I know. Everyone has their own lives now. And I guess moving on is the best for me? I really can't see her being in my future because she basically don't want to compromise with my own comforts (she doesn't like being with my sisters/family, she's not friends with my other close friends too). I am just so tired.

 

[eriy.m]

Drop her and don't look back, you'll be fine

[gojo]

Why do you feel like you can't leave her?

If I were you I'd would just talk to her less and less and let time grow us apart. 

I mean you have other friends too. Is it because she doesn't have friends so you can't unfriend her? 

Do you know the reason she is selfish?

It's okay for you to be selfish sometimes if it's for your own good.

[IceSmile]

Drop her and don't look back, you'll be fine

I want to, my logic really knows it's the right way to go too but my sentiments are making my heart hurt it's annoying... but I don't want to hesitate this time. For you people who give me these kinds of advice, and for my other friends and sisters too who were waiting for me all this time while I was taking care of my 'patient'. Should I block her out of my SNS and etc?

 

Why do you feel like you can't leave her?

If I were you I'd would just talk to her less and less and let time grow us apart. 

I mean you have other friends too. Is it because she doesn't have friends so you can't unfriend her? 

Do you know the reason she is selfish?

It's okay for you to be selfish sometimes if it's for your own good.

She was extremely depressed in those 7 years.. so I guess all that time I felt like she shouldn't be alone (I really want to look out for peoplewith depression). And yes, she doesn't really have any friends aside from the guy she is dating now... but of course she still expect so much of me / acknowledges me as the only real person to talk to.

She's selfish because I think she is extremely insecure and paranoid of her own faults. She is envious and thinks a lot of the world is her enemy so being selfish is her 'revenge'.

 

Thank you so much :( I am just so confused because I really am a loyal friend (ugh so sorry to be so sappy) and I don't know until where should a normal person tolerate this feeling of being sucked up. She used to be one of my 'homes' but now after everything that happened this year, it just proves that maybe she really wasn't for me. She keeps telling me how thankful she is so I guess maybe that is also one of the reasons I have hesitated over the last few years (about leaving my friend).

[eriy.m]

I want to, my logic really knows it's the right way to go too but my sentiments are making my heart hurt it's annoying... but I don't want to hesitate this time. For you people who give me these kinds of advice, and for my other friends and sisters too who were waiting for me all this time while I was taking care of my 'patient'. Should I block her out of my SNS and etc?

 

She was extremely depressed in those 7 years.. so I guess all that time I felt like she shouldn't be alone (I really want to look out for peoplewith depression). And yes, she doesn't really have any friends aside from the guy she is dating now... but of course she still expect so much of me / acknowledges me as the only real person to talk to.

She's selfish because I think she is extremely insecure and paranoid of her own faults. She is envious and thinks a lot of the world is her enemy so being selfish is her 'revenge'.

 

Thank you so much :( I am just so confused because I really am a loyal friend (ugh so sorry to be so sappy) and I don't know until where should a normal person tolerate this feeling of being sucked up. She used to be one of my 'homes' but now after everything that happened this year, it just proves that maybe she really wasn't for me. She keeps telling me how thankful she is so I guess maybe that is also one of the reasons I have hesitated over the last few years (about leaving my friend).

I'd say the best way would be to delete her and not block her, so that she just becomes a random person and not someone so special that u need to block. If she messages you, don't reply, never fall for it. And if she wants explanation don't give her anything, just avoid her as much as possible and forget her dont think about her, you deserve to be happy now

[gojo]

I want to, my logic really knows it's the right way to go too but my sentiments are making my heart hurt it's annoying... but I don't want to hesitate this time. For you people who give me these kinds of advice, and for my other friends and sisters too who were waiting for me all this time while I was taking care of my 'patient'. Should I block her out of my SNS and etc?

 

She was extremely depressed in those 7 years.. so I guess all that time I felt like she shouldn't be alone (I really want to look out for peoplewith depression). And yes, she doesn't really have any friends aside from the guy she is dating now... but of course she still expect so much of me / acknowledges me as the only real person to talk to.

She's selfish because I think she is extremely insecure and paranoid of her own faults. She is envious and thinks a lot of the world is her enemy so being selfish is her 'revenge'.

 

Thank you so much :( I am just so confused because I really am a loyal friend (ugh so sorry to be so sappy) and I don't know until where should a normal person tolerate this feeling of being sucked up. She used to be one of my 'homes' but now after everything that happened this year, it just proves that maybe she really wasn't for me. She keeps telling me how thankful she is so I guess maybe that is also one of the reasons I have hesitated over the last few years (about leaving my friend).

She sounds like my cousin

my cousin is honestly fucked up but whenever we try to help her she will pretend like she will improve herself and does different things behind us. She views everyone who doesn't have the same views and perspective as her, as her enemy. Since she's fucked up she befriends herself with more fucked up people and bad decisions lead to more bad decisions. When problems arise she comes crying for help but never takes our advice and fucks up even more. I've tried helping her all i could, I tried putting myself in her shoes, told her all my secrets to let her know people make mistakes all the time, and yet she tattletale about it to my family.

I dropped her like hot cakes and only talk to her now because "manners"  and she's kinda family .. She also knows she's an eyesore (to the family actually) but she doesn't understand why she's one even though we tell her all the time.  

[IceSmile]

She sounds like my cousin

my cousin is honestly fucked up but whenever we try to help her she will pretend like she will improve herself and does different things behind us. She views everyone who doesn't have the same views and perspective as her, as her enemy. Since she's fucked up she befriends herself with more fucked up people and bad decisions lead to more bad decisions. When problems arise she comes crying for help but never takes our advice and fucks up even more. I've tried helping her all i could, I tried putting myself in her shoes, told her all my secrets to let her know people make mistakes all the time, and yet she tattletale about it to my family.

I dropped her like hot cakes and only talk to her now because "manners"  and she's kinda family .. She also knows she's an eyesore (to the family actually) but she doesn't understand why she's one even though we tell her all the time.  

 

She's almost exactly like that!!! Except she's not really doing anything... well she's dating this guy and now she fucks up her workplace relationships because she felt safe now. What's disappointing is that all of my advice those 7 years are nothing now, or rather she just uses it for her own and not everyone else. I really shouldn't be asking for anything in return in these days but I get a bit riled that she's absolutely just ignoring my hurt of the whole falling out in my circle of friends. She's pretty insensitive... but when I talk to her she says I am the one who has too many problems, I am the one who doesn't receive any help... I guess I should just avoid her. 

 

I do receive help from my other friends tho... When I try to say 'this is the way I would feel better' (which is having fun, she'll say to me 'that's not me' and cry how I am demanding of other people. In the end I'd be the bad guy.

[IceSmile]

I'd say the best way would be to delete her and not block her, so that she just becomes a random person and not someone so special that u need to block. If she messages you, don't reply, never fall for it. And if she wants explanation don't give her anything, just avoid her as much as possible and forget her dont think about her, you deserve to be happy now

 

Thank you so much for your advice. I'll try and do. Honestly it's so hard since I thought she was like my sister but I couldn't be more delulu about it.