Why is it that people stay / go back to people that hurt them the most?

[CrayCray]

When I ask them that, they start naming a hundred reasons why they need to stay when there are also those hundred reasons for them to leave.

[flashfox]

bcuz the ones that love you hurt you the most 

[PurachinaDisuko]

I have no idea why. It confuses me.

[林平之]

Because they love the people who hurt them the most, the most. That's why these people are able to hurt them so much.

[You Need Some Milk]

Because they think they can change them so they keep trying and keep getting disappointed. Also Love makes you do the dumbest shit

[redheart]

out of habit imo

even if someone hurts you

because you love them and are used to them

it's hard to leaven 

[tang]

thats how abusive relationships are

there is no logical explanation for someone that's outside of the relationship

[poseidon]

people feel that the benefits (feeling loved) outweigh the costs (getting hurt) 

[starseeker]

Because even though there were bad times, there were also good times

Some people think the good times outweigh the bad times

[KaniPi]

Maybe its because some people are afraid of being alone, or they feel guilty somehow that person may manipulate them to believe they can change.

[Little Prince]

Because they think they can change them so they keep trying and keep getting disappointed. Also Love makes you do the dumbest shit

 

I agree. Personally I find that mentality messed up but sometimes those people who are madly in love are compelled to go out of their way just for the person they adore. I'm pretty sure it's some kind of complex for some but that's the way it is

[Pleasure]

 

even if someone hurts you

because you love them and use to them

it's hard to leaven 

 

[Gloupipoo]

Because they love the people who hurt them the most, the most. That's why these people are able to hurt them so much.

[ChungJoJo]

It also confuses me aswell.

[prowler]

the sex is good

[JiMiJu]

They are deluded.

[Caiii]

Some people are just scared of being alone, and to some because of familiarity? They think theyre supposed to stay or idk. Hurt over and over that they just accept it as normal.

[Lady Valtaya]

I wonder about that too, when I know that someone is in trouble.

 

But I think it's usually because they are more afraid of being alone that they are of being with someone they know will just keep hurting them.

 

And a lot of abusers keep their pawn away from their family and friends. Isolation is a good way to crush the hope of the person getting hurt.

 

And the problem only gets worse if the abused person is threatened with the lives of their pets or even their children.

 

Most abusers also keep a tight grip on the money that the person needs to live and raise their families.

 

It is very, very sad to see someone in crisis and it is even worse when they need help but don't know where to go or who to trust.

 

If you know or even suspect that someone is being abused like this please try to help them.

 

And remember that helping them doesn't have to mean giving that person money. Sometimes just taking a moment to listen to them can work miracles. Everyone wants to be understood and that can be precious to them.

 

Many times people in crisis just don't know where to go or who to trust enough to ask for help.

 

If you think that person is in crisis your instincts are probably correct.

 

So if you think that they or another person are in danger please call the police or emergency services. You could be saving someone's life.

 

But if you can't do anything else, try to pray for them.

[in good taste]

we are attracted to the familiar. say you grew up in a household where you received little to no love. you will subconsciously be looking for/be attracted to a partner or person who's fiercely independent, or a dismissing attachment style or would frequently send you mixed signals, anything along those lines . Although this is unpleasant, it's something that would strike a chord in you because it's followed you all your life. The nicest person in the world could be into you but you'd still choose to be with the person who hurts you. Unless you're aware of this and want to change. 

 

it's like how women usually end up with partners who resemble their dads (face/personality) and men with partners who remind them of their moms. 

[Violymph]

people feel that the benefits (feeling loved) outweigh the costs (getting hurt) 

[Cheese_it]

its confusing

[......]

because sometimes you genuinely think the person can/will change (whether they promise to or not)... and love is, as they say, a drug. You can crave giving it just as much as you crave receiving it....it can make you do stuff that you would never do if you weren't... in love.

 

Literally the answer to this question, imo, can really only be ...

 

"because love."

 

 

Love is confusing because it's multi-faceted. It's technically universal, but it's still different for everyone. If you can explain/prove/breakdown love in a scientific way... then perhaps we can understand why we love people who don't always love us back. Until then... the only real answer will be... 

 

"because love."