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Online dating - need advice?


sha_y

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This is a little long so I APOLOGIZE but I wanted to give the full story!! Also I'm embarrassed that I'm asking total strangers rlytearpls.png  but I plan on mentioning everything to my close friends if something comes out of any of this hah

 

I originally wanted to post this to Reddit LOL but it's big in my country/regional area so I'm scared people will find it, specifically the guy I'm talking to online because he likes scrolling through Reddit.

 

I'm very confused and am just seeking clarification, but I haven't told anyone irl yet because I wanted to wait until something actually happened before freaking people out 0u0plz.png

 

So I'm a 22y/o female fresh out of college and decided to try out online dating after people have suggested it and said it worked for them. I was initially super nervous and against this kind of stuff but I thought I'd try anyway!

 

So here's the thing - I've been trying out one of the sites for the past week and a half. The first 2 days were a lot of the typical stupid messages girls get from guys. There were some nice ones who I messaged back and forth with, but no one I "clicked" with or was very interested in. 

The site I'm using makes you answer a minimum # of questions, and after that you can answer a billion more if you want. But how you answer questions helps to determine a "match %". I'm a bit conservative for my age so this limits the number of guys with high match percentages by a lot. I don't only look at the percentages of course (I actually read the profiles) so I'm not a statistics wacko.

 

But I finally came across a profile that was interesting to me and the guy seemed like someone I would be friends with irl. I decided to go for it and messaged first.

Our conversation went super smooth and we seemed to have similar humor. We click in a lot of areas - we're both very particular about certain things and more introverted than most people in our 20s. We have similarities such as our view of the whole hookup culture, our negative view of drugs/smoking, hobbies, religion, movie/tv show interests, etcetc. Definitely the one I clicked most with :o 

 

Here's the problem!!! We've been messaging almost daily for the past 1 1/2 weeks but he has yet to ask for even my name (it's by usernames) or phone number (so I can stop checking that stupid app lol) or even suggest to meet up? Just daily chatting. At one point, the conversation naturally stopped for about 2 days so I just let it go and was like OK he's not interested. But then he struck another conversation about the coming solar eclipse and now we're messaging daily again. But no mention of ever meeting :o

 

I'm just a bit annoyed (is that the right word? disappointed maybe?) because we seem to have a lot to talk about and I'm the type who likes to meet someone in person because online is very very different. And I'm really not looking for a penpal laugh.png unsure.png  We know each other's work schedule and we work near each other's towns (less than 30 min apart) so is he just bored and making conversation but not actually interested? 0u0plz.png  Or the type to take things suuper slow? Or just super shy and not the type to take initiative? souleyesplz.png

 

I'm not the type to take initiative first often, but I thought me messaging first was already taking initiative...and I don't want to be the one to ask to start texting or to fiinally meet in person ohla.pngSorry for the rant guys, I'm going to stop here smile.png Really sorry it turned out longer than I thought ;_;

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Well you're saying he's an introvert so he's prob shy about this and since you started the convo maybe he is waiting for you to take the next step. Try to drop some hints maybe. But are you sure you can trust him? Did you ever see his face like did you guys ever facetimed or smthg? He can be a fraud fam

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Just ask him if you wanna see him.

Speculating why he does or doesn't do something is useless and won't get you anywhere tbh.

You said you are getting along well, so ye if he says yes to the meet up it will be great, if not he at least will explaining why he may not want to yet.

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Erm online dating is what it is, it stays online... (for a very long time, before meeting real life).

 

Like I play online games and chat with guys there for months, not really for dating purpose.

 

But then someone be like "Hey let's meet up and play games together at a cafe" and that's how we finally meet and like each other.

 

But online people, their first and foremost interest are just being online, like a nerd.

 

Nerd do date too, but in a nerd way, like after months of being online, just solely because they like to be online.

 

From what you wrote, you don't actually like to be online.

 

Like if you want to meet offline, like you are not really an online nerd, but the other person is an online nerd, so...

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But I finally came across a profile that was interesting to me and the guy seemed like someone I would be friends with irl. I decided to go for it and messaged first.

Our conversation went super smooth and we seemed to have similar humor. We click in a lot of areas - we're both very particular about certain things and more introverted than most people in our 20s. We have similarities such as our view of the whole hookup culture, our negative view of drugs/smoking, hobbies, religion, movie/tv show interests, etcetc. Definitely the one I clicked most with :o 

 

Wrong move to talk about this. Now he's probably always thinking that if he asks you out, you'll probably see him as "just another guy whow ants to hook up"

 

Just ask him if he wants to go to the movies.

Not that I'm an expert in dating unfortunately

FFAVqKZ.gif

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Don't send nudes~~~~

 

Wow thanks for the awesome tip LOL

 

Well you're saying he's an introvert so he's prob shy about this and since you started the convo maybe he is waiting for you to take the next step. Try to drop some hints maybe. But are you sure you can trust him? Did you ever see his face like did you guys ever facetimed or smthg? He can be a fraud fam

 

I'd suspect fraud but I'm quite good at catching on to that 0u0plz.png  but that's exactly why I'd like to meet in a public place, so I can rule that out earlier and not waste my time with all the messaging rlytearpls.png  And facetiming would be good...if we actually had each other's numbers ohdearplz.png

 

Just ask him if you wanna see him.

Speculating why he does or doesn't do something is useless and won't get you anywhere tbh.

You said you are getting along well, so ye if he says yes to the meet up it will be great, if not he at least will explaining why he may not want to yet.

 

You're right speculating gets me nowhere smile.png  I'm thinking of broaching the subject first but Idk what's preventing me from doing so..suspicion that he's just not interested maybe? lool

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One of you two has to take initiative anyhow and since you have no idea if he's interested in you then i don't think you have any other choice than to take initiative first. You guys have been chatting for few weeks so even if it doesn't end up the way you want it to be, i don't think it'd bother you too much but if you keep dragging it then you may end up developing more feelings for him. If you really want him to take initiative then all you can do is wait and be patient, just keep dropping hints so he can understand that you're interested in him 

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Erm online dating is what it is, it stays online... (for a very long time, before meeting real life).

 

Like I play online games and chat with guys there for months, not really for dating purpose.

 

But then someone be like "Hey let's meet up and play games together at a cafe" and that's how we finally meet and like each other.

 

But online people, their first and foremost interest are just being online, like a nerd.

 

Nerd do date too, but in a nerd way, like after months of being online, just solely because they like to be online.

 

From what you wrote, you don't actually like to be online.

 

Like if you want to meet offline, like you are not really an online nerd, but the other person is an online nerd, so...

 

Yep I haate being online. He's into a lot of the League and other mmorpg (did I get that right) that my brother plays but I'm not into that...so no meeting to game at a cafe for me D:

 

Could that be it? that I'm not into gaming so the my view of the whole online -> offline is different from his? :o

 

Wrong move to talk about this. Now he's probably always thinking that if he asks you out, you'll probably see him as "just another guy whow ants to hook up"

 

Just ask him if he wants to go to the movies.

Not that I'm an expert in dating unfortunately

FFAVqKZ.gif

 

LOOL. The movie suggestion is a giveaway..what better way to hang with a stranger in person for the first time than side by side in a dark movie theatre ilikeitplz.png

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Wow thanks for the awesome tip LOL

 

 

I'd suspect fraud but I'm quite good at catching on to that 0u0plz.png  but that's exactly why I'd like to meet in a public place, so I can rule that out earlier and not waste my time with all the messaging rlytearpls.png  And facetiming would be good...if we actually had each other's numbers ohdearplz.png

 

 

You're right speculating gets me nowhere smile.png  I'm thinking of broaching the subject first but Idk what's preventing me from doing so..suspicion that he's just not interested maybe? lool

He wouldn't continue talking to you if he wasn't interested. You didn't meet him in a game or something, you guys met in a dating site. Either he's a fraud or afraid just like you. Take the initiative.

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One of you two has to take initiative anyhow and since you have no idea if he's interested in you then i don't think you have any other choice than to take initiative first. You guys have been chatting for few weeks so even if it doesn't end up the way you want it to be, i don't think it'd bother you too much but if you keep dragging it then you may end up developing more feelings for him. If you really want him to take initiative then all you can do is wait and be patient, just keep dropping hints so he can understand that you're interested in him 

 

Crossing my fingers and praying it doesn't go for a few weeks lol. I can't develop feelings for anyone if I haven't met in person, that's the problem. I would probably eventually lose any initial interest I had if this drags? I'm avoiding the whole conceptualizing this person in my head solely from online conversations and I'm just also afraid that this person on the internet is forming this made up image of ME that's just going to lead to disappointment?

 

I guess the consensus is that I have to take initiative rlytearpls.png

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Since you started speaking recently and he claims to be an introvert just like yourself, I'd say you have a lot of time and there is no need to rush things. Also, assuming whether hes interested or not won't benefit you either because its just an assumption and you'll never find out unless you ask. If he comes up with a topic such as the 'solar eclipse' only to create a conversation with you, he probably is interested.

 

As you know, there is no rule that says a specific gender should ask something first. If you do make the first move- it might make a bigger impact on him, especially since nowadays most people hook up and move on to the next person. It wouldn't hurt to take the initiative! He'd probably be happy if you did because it would prove that your just as interested as he is lol studmuffinplz.png

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Crossing my fingers and praying it doesn't go for a few weeks lol. I can't develop feelings for anyone if I haven't met in person, that's the problem. I would probably eventually lose any initial interest I had if this drags? I'm avoiding the whole conceptualizing this person in my head solely from online conversations and I'm just also afraid that this person on the internet is forming this made up image of ME that's just going to lead to disappointment?

 

I guess the consensus is that I have to take initiative rlytearpls.png

I can understand what you're feeling, telling someone to take initiative is so easy than actually doing it bcoz you have thousands worries in your mind but there are not enough choices in your situation, you know how you feel but you're not even sure how the other person is, try taking initiative if you really want to, don't do it out of pressure if its worrying you, i hope things go well for you in the end, goodluck.

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Yep I haate being online. He's into a lot of the League and other mmorpg (did I get that right) that my brother plays but I'm not into that...so no meeting to game at a cafe for me D:

 

Could that be it? that I'm not into gaming so the my view of the whole online -> offline is different from his? :o

 

 

Woah, he is into games? Sounds like my kind of guys.

 

I used to play 3 online games at once laugh.png

 

Tbh meeting new people/ liking people from online games are really great.

 

When you walk with each other during the game, it feels like dating deepstareplz.png And he will call you honey in the game.

 

And everyone of your game friends when seeing your avatars together in the game, will be like "Oh you and your gf/bf" but you never meet each other in real life... yet laugh.png

 

Even if you meet each other in real life, of to 6 hours of internet cafe datassplz.png (but can extend to another 2 hours)

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In my experience, you have to be a bit pushy in meeting up. Or, not pushy... but you have to bring it to the table fairly early on. It's really hard to break that barrier when it comes to online chatting -> meeting up and I find that the longer you wait, the less chance you have of moving forward.

 

Just suggest meeting up for coffee or something casual. To a lot of people, online dating doesn't seem 'real' so they won't take it seriously if it's just chatting. Meeting face to face is a must if you're into him.

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Since you started speaking recently and he claims to be an introvert just like yourself, I'd say you have a lot of time and there is no need to rush things. Also, assuming whether hes interested or not won't benefit you either because its just an assumption and you'll never find out unless you ask. If he comes up with a topic such as the 'solar eclipse' only to create a conversation with you, he probably is interested.

 

As you know, there is no rule that says a specific gender should ask something first. If you do make the first move- it might make a bigger impact on him, especially since nowadays most people hook up and move on to the next person. It wouldn't hurt to take the initiative! He'd probably be happy if you did because it would prove that your just as interested as he is lol studmuffinplz.png

 

Thankyouu, I needed this LOL! Yeah I love to contradict myself - I hate guys who are too aggressive (makes me think they're just playing around) but when this stuff happens I'm like..am I really going to be the one to make the first move?? 

 

I can understand what you're feeling, telling someone to take initiative is so easy than actually doing it bcoz you have thousands worries in your mind but there are not enough choices in your situation, you know how you feel but you're not even sure how the other person is, try taking initiative if you really want to, don't do it out of pressure if its worrying you, i hope things go well for you in the end, goodluck.

 

Thank you! chuplz.png  I think I've made up my mind but like you said I'll need a bit of time to let the pressure die down so initiating doesn't feel as dramatic laugh.png

 

Woah, he is into games? Sounds like my kind of guys.

 

I used to play 3 online games at once laugh.png

 

Tbh meeting new people/ liking people from online games are really great.

 

When you walk with each other during the game, it feels like dating deepstareplz.png And he will call you honey in the game.

 

And everyone of your game friends when seeing your avatars together in the game, will be like "Oh you and your gf/bf" but you never meet each other in real life... yet laugh.png

 

Even if you meet each other in real life, of to 6 hours of internet cafe datassplz.png (but can extend to another 2 hours)

 

Omgosh 3 at once 0u0plz.png 0u0plz.png 0u0plz.png

 

And I didn't know any of this! I heard people have actually started dating from meeting online while gaming but this is new to me :o Maybe I'm missing out on gaming lool

 

He mentioned he plays all kinds of games and that he loves the rainy weather bc it's ideal for staying in to game, and also that there's no sun to cause a glare on the computer screen hurrplz.png 

That's me and dramas though - rainy days = dramas/movies HAH

 

In my experience, you have to be a bit pushy in meeting up. Or, not pushy... but you have to bring it to the table fairly early on. It's really hard to break that barrier when it comes to online chatting -> meeting up and I find that the longer you wait, the less chance you have of moving forward.

 

Just suggest meeting up for coffee or something casual. To a lot of people, online dating doesn't seem 'real' so they won't take it seriously if it's just chatting. Meeting face to face is a must if you're into him.

 

That what I always thought! And that's how it usually is lol. So it weirds me out when it actually drags for over a week without mention of meeting up haha. I like the casual coffee or ice cream store so I'll see how it goes laugh.png

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^

 

haha but you actually have to like gaming and being online ^^

 

don't start gaming just because of one guy, and change who you really are ^^

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^

 

haha but you actually have to like gaming and being online ^^

 

don't start gaming just because of one guy, and change who you really are ^^

 

Not because of one guy, I would never laugh.png It actually sounds fun (lots of my friends do play) but the problem is when I did try one time I sucked at the game rlytearpls.png  Even Smash is hard for me so I guess I just don't have that innate gaming skill 0u0plz.png

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Thankyouu, I needed this LOL! Yeah I love to contradict myself - I hate guys who are too aggressive (makes me think they're just playing around) but when this stuff happens I'm like..am I really going to be the one to make the first move?? 

 

Too relatable LOL

He could also be insecure but at least he doesn't sound like a guy who plays around. If you really do click with him, then it doesn't really matter who makes the first move

dave.png

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