Need Eng Grammar Help!

[Smudgestar]

I've never posted a thread before, so I hope that I'm in the right category.
I'm trying to do an assignment right now where I'm supposed to summarize a passage from a short story. 
Anyway, strugglin hard. I've written a sentence, but because I'm in love with commas, it sounds strange.

"Their teacher, a young but strict woman named Miss Ralston, is from another town called River Hibbert, where she had finished Grade 11, a grade that this school doesn't have."

It seems weird. I'd love it if anyone wanted to rewrite or break it up into two sentences even.
I don't know how to fix it ;; 

[Faces]

I think... english isn't my first language so I'm not 100% sure 

 

"Their teacher, a young but strict woman named Miss Ralston is from another town called River Hibbert where she had finished Grade 11, a grade that this school doesn't have."

 

[snowdjinn]

i am german but i try:

 

Their teacher Miss Ralston, a young but strict woman, is from another town called River Hibbert.

She has mastered Grade 11 at River Hibbert, a grade that this school doesnt have.

[L'Arachel]

"Their teacher, a young but strict woman named Miss Ralston, is from another town called River Hibbert. There she had finished Grade 11, a grade that this school doesn't have."

 

 

 

There really are many possible ways to word it.

[VARSITY]

It's fine the way it is but if you want to use more sentences and less commas you can write it like this.

 

Miss Ralston, their young but strict teacher, was from another town named River Hibbert. Unlike this school, the school in River Hibbert had Grade 11, which she completed there.

 

 

You don't need to say she was a woman, her title of 'miss' inherently applies that.

 

"Their teacher, a young but strict woman named Miss Ralston, is from another town called River Hibbert, where she had finished Grade 11, a grade that this school doesn't have."

It seems weird. I'd love it if anyone wanted to rewrite or break it up into two sentences even.
I don't know how to fix it ;; 

[chanychanchan]

Oh man there are so many ways you can word this

 

Their teacher, Miss Ralston, is a young strict woman from another town. In River Hibbert she completed grade 11, a grade level this school doesn't have. (?)

 

Miss Ralston, a young but strict teacher, is from River Hibbert. There she finished grade 11, something that can't be done at our school. (?)

[Mogwai]

Phew that is one long run on sentence. Tbh reconstructing this can kinda depend on which part you want to emphasise on. If you want to emphasise on the fact that the town she came from offers a grade that their school doesn't, maybe use an em dash to separate the last clause from the rest? Or if you're simply introducing the teacher you could split it into

 

"Their teacher is a young but strict woman named Miss Ralston from another town named River Hibbert. There, she had finished Grade 11, a grade that this school doesn't have."

 

Or

 

"Their teacher is a young but strict woman named Miss Ralston. She was from another town named River Hibbert, where she had finished Grade 11, a grade that this school doesn't have."

 

Paraphrase accordingly.

[M0VH]

Miss Ralston,  their young but strict teacher, is from another town called River Hibbert where she finished Grade 11, a grade which this school doesn't have.

[Smudgestar]

You guys are all so awesome!
I love your suggestions, they're great. I definitely appreciate it.

I think I'll go with this: 
"Their young but strict teacher was named Miss Ralston, and she was from a town over called River Hibbert. Unlike this school, River Hibbert had an 11th Grade, which she had recently completed."