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I saw Nayeon with a guy.


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I saw Nayeon with a guy. They were walking down the street together. Her hair was blowing in the wind-- she had let her hair down. During past times, she would only let her hair down when she was with me. For performances or public appearances or when she was with her family, she would usually tie her hair up in one way or another. Even though there was not any semblance of a display of intimacy or affection between Nayeon and the guy, I saw in her a giddiness that was apparent when we first dated. Her face was white as a sheet-- derouged by make-up. She never saw me. Or she might have look at me and look right through me-- as if she was dying right before my eyes. And I knew that if anything happened to that guy, she would never get over it if she lived to be hundred-- just like what I had felt when we first dated, and still feel to this very day.

 

Sometimes I lie awake at night and think of all the people who have come and gone, and how everything is different from the way we thought that it would be. Then I go out on the street next day and see the faces of the people that I pass. ...Don't they look strange to you? Don't you see something funny in people's eyes, as if all of them were puzzled about something? As if they were wondering what had happened to them? Wondering what it is that they have lost? Now am I crazy, or do you know what I mean? Do they look that way to you? I never noticed that look in Nayeon's eyes when I was with her.

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Sometimes I lie awake at night and think of all the people who have come and gone, and how everything is different from the way we thought that it would be. Then I go out on the street next day and see the faces of the people that I pass. ...Don't they look strange to you? Don't you see something funny in people's eyes, as if all of them were puzzled about something? As if they were wondering what had happened to them? Wondering what it is that they have lost? Now am I crazy, or do you know what I mean? Do they look that way to you? I never noticed that look in Nayeon's eyes when I was with her.

 

 

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