how would you deal with a friend like this?

[muffjins]

i always find myself ranting about this friend one way or another, but it's recently been killing me even if i've been trying to put it off. she always makes me feel left out for some reason, and i have no idea why. i haven't done anything wrong to her and i've never wanted to do anything wrong to her. however, she always ends up making me feel very left out and ostracized. so i'm usually in a friend group of 4, with her (let's call her a), b, and c. so c is somebody who we just met this year so there's not much of this from her. but, a and b are very close. and honestly i thought i was as close to them as they are to each other but lately i've been noticing the opposite. i've known a for years now and 2 out of 3 of those years i've known her, she somehow makes me feel left out. recently, i sat with a, b, and c at lunch and i was kind of at the far end. of course, a and b were sitting close to each other. they all laughed at things on a's phone and didn't even bat an eyelash at me. maybe it's just my insecurity but it's definitely not making me smile. b once posted a picture on instagram with me and within the next hour or so, a posted a picture with b with the caption "my ride or die for sure". she tags me with the rest of the people. idk if she's jealous or i'm jealous but i don't know what i did to deserve this. i don't know what to do because it's harder to actually cut someone off than just to say it. if i cut one person off, i basically have to cut the squad off. and the fact that i'm hella shy and i keep to myself a lot doesn't help. it's hard to confront because all they'll do afterward is shit talk me and say how desperate i am, like they do to other people. i don't know how to stop this mess because i'm already so tangled up. if you were in this situation, what would you do? 

 

edit: and lately i've been finding that i'm oddly desperate for her affection. even if she comments on my posts or something i get really happy. how to stop this ????????

[chanychanchan]

kick her 

[Counting Pulses]

Drop em like hot cakes. 

Being with friends should make you feel relaxed, happy and just overall positive. If they make you feel ostracized or have the audacity to call you desperate b/c they're not being good friends, they're not worth it. 

Your friends at this point in life should be people you see yourself depending on, people who will be there for you as much as you're there for them.

 

I made the silly mistake of befriending a group of girls very similar to what you described about your friends. I regret being friends with them and wasting my time trying to impress them and make them happy when I could have been with friends who I could sincerely be open with. 

They also made me feel insecure about myself and I'm pretty sure they talked about me behind my back multiple times.

I did the right thing by completely distancing myself from them but I should have done it a lot sooner. It was during my last year of high school, so i spend a couple months sitting with random classmates or by myself, but in all honesty, I found new friends who I had completely missed out on by being friends with those girls. 

 

It's not easy making friends, but when a person is "friend" material, you'll know. You'll see it in the way they behave, in the way they talk to you, the way they listen to you, if they're willing to compromise on matters, how much they make you happy and how much you make them happy etc. Obviously, you also have to do the same for them. 

Unless you want friends you can easily "throw away" after a while, they should be giving as much as they're taking in a friendship. 

 

These are my personal opinions, so feel free to completely disagree with everything. 

[halleluhan]

i would've try to find new friends if i were you ://///

[D a n t e]

Confronting them about it is the best way imo. I've been in that situation before and I honestly thought that confronting one of my friends would make things worse, but I recently did confront one of my friends and she was like 'yeah I've noticed he's doing that too' (Him being the one who keeps excluding people). So you really never know. I didn't confront him directly, but it was nice to know I wasn't alone in this. It turned out that out of the 4 people I regularly hang out with, 2 others were also noticing how he was excluding not only me but other people. So now we scheduled to talk things over with eachother first, and then talk to him.

 

I don't know your exact situation of course, but you could maybe try talking to b, and maybe to c to ask if she's feeling left out as well since she's new? Then whether they say yes or no, maybe ask a to hang out with just you one day. Usually people are different when they're not with the rest of their friend group. You could bring it up to her that you're feeling kind of excluded and ask her how she sees you. I feel like you'd get a better chance to get through to her when she's just alone with you.

 

Either way, good luck. Situations like these are never fun, but they'll pass.

[MatsuoBasho]

If you say the entire "squad" does this to other people then you're better off without all of them. You say it's harder than it sounds to cut a friend off, that is true but it's also your decision. Any person who has good intentions will tell you to cut off a friendship that isn't benefitting you in any way.

 

There doesn't have to be a reason, people just don't like people sometimes or grow differently, their vibes don't connect. If you're afraid of being alone go hang out with different people first who feel like a good bunch. It might take one or two years if you do something instead of staying w/ them and ranting online (discussing doesn't seem like an option anymore since you said talking to them only makes them ridicule you). 

[bornensemble]

I would say communicate. Sit down with BOTH A&B and tell them how you feel - not how you interpret the situation (b/c they might truly believe there is nothing wrong). Say you feel left out these days and ask them if they are aware. Don't be accusing, and don't gossip about one to another. 

[JiMiJu]

You need to find new friends.