Probably a kinda normal day to me? It seems like the old ones...

[Dilemmax]

Have been almost a month without see her, she teased on me and she seems doesn't let me go, she doesn't direct but i think she still worries for me, was such a long time for left that place legally. Anyway, the fact it hurt me, ended like two weeks having sleepless nights but realized never really loved her, i liked her and probably fell in love in november but i have no idea in what was thinking when though could have something serious with her, sometimes feel guilty about it because technically ruined her life, she did it in some way too (have her presence in almost every place it's not fun) with mine so why should i keep having this show? Anyway, my tears and my sadness in some way were true and still asking myself what was so unforgettable in our moments when we looked at our eyes; But i'm tired of the same, i'm young and even, if i feel guilty i cannot be always for someone who never gonna be to me, the only true in this, if it not were lies, were her feelings but i'm sorry, too sorry but i cannot accept her heart in that way and cannot live thinking in the idea she still loves me and cannot see her husband because of me, i feel guilty and step by step i'll do the only thing that i got in my hand, my truth about this mess if she doesn't do something for herself, i cannot do something more; i've admitted was my fault and always gonna be my fault, in fact, forgive myself for this gonna be long and hard time to me, i don't feel able to love freely, even, if i want. The fact was mistakenly, said something i shouldn't say (or at least since my life is being monitored, such a humilliant thing) and she feel the same than me, i felt something was broken on me but in some way felt more free; remember this morning was normal listening my iPod and was worried about a character that created during the past year and technically worked hard in her (my character is a women) life during the first 4 months of this year, reminded and though about something had months without do it, precisely was listening ì´ 별 of Clazziquai, it means, 'farewell' in korean, the way in how listened that song reminded my old life before the see her again in april. Probably, she and i, never was really a "she and i" or a "you and i" but a perfect illusion; even, if i felt free i'm not happy with i did, cannot stand anymore the idea someday i'll be able to feel that she feels for me and for that reason i have to move on and think about me, don't mind to keep this game because technically for everybody i lost, lost her and became in a sick mad for love, i don't mind to stand this either because i'm tired, i did mistakes and my mistakes were the enough painful for her for doesn't show me what she really felt for me, i'm tired of every single thing about this and the worst is that i'm not only destroying myself with this but probably she's doing the same (just if she still feel something but if not, i can stand this lie alone), if i should love myself, she should love herself, was my fault but i really can't give her my love as i should.  

[arineunha]

i'm sorry for what happened..i hope you heal and you turn out stronger than before