charmedpaige 0 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 advice on whether this friendship is worth keeping or losing. basically sam and i were high school buddies but we drifted because of certain events that happened. tl,dr. i tried bolding the important part so it'll be less to read Sam was one of my closest friend ever. back in high school we were the dynamic duo. we had a special bond, you know all the good stuff. we went to different universities but even during first year of college we were tight. few problems we encounter during college that effected our friendship. first, Sam was going through a rough day once. i along with our other friends didnt notice and joked around like usual. lets just say they played a light fun trick on her but usually she thinks its funny and we all laugh it off. i was not entirely part of this and kept my distant. this time she ignored all of us. odd? so i texted her whats wrong? after 2 days she called me & we had a conversation about how she was feeling down and no one was there for her including me, her close friend. she was not mad at the others but at me. she made me feel like the worst friend in the world and that she was so close to stop being friends with me. first time in my life where i cried because of a friend. i felt sooo bad and afraid of losing Sam. i was vulnerable and i hated it. i apologized to her so many times. another time, Sam accused me of not being a good friend during her depressing days that happened towards the end of our first year in college. i got upset by that accusation when i did so much for her and i was going through rough time with my family cause my dad almost died of heart problems (super complicated difficult time in my life). Sam knew this yet i felt like she made it all about herself. in the end she apologize for being in the wrong. from then on we began drifting. usually we talk on the phone about once every 3 days then to once a week, once a month, once every 2 months, etc my friends all decided to hang out since we all haven't seen each other for a while. usually i get a text from her personally about a get together event. this time i didnt. she even texted someone who she doesnt consider friends about it and not me. i figured maybe i did something wrong and maybe she is mad at me? during the hangout we both kept our distant from each other. (we were both stupid i know...) later she called me asking me why im ignoring her and i asked her the same. we agreed that it was a misunderstanding and forget it ever happened. from then one she stopped calling me on the phone completely and only text when we have a group get-together i would text her to hangout several times but because of our busy schedules it never happened. she ask me to hang out with her once or twice too. again it was difficult to make it happen. well i thought hey at least we're both trying. then finally a day came when we were both free to hang out. that day she last minute canceled on me. i found out days later that she ditched me and went off to hang out with her other friends. i confronted and she said she feel so bad and that she knows we been drifting. she said "tell me what to do to save our friendship because you mean so much to me." i didnt feel the sincerity in that apology. i told her that if she wants to save our friendship that much she needs to do something on her own and that i shouldnt be the one telling her what to do. since then she did nothing we havent seen or spoke to each other for 1.5 years already she claims to cherish this friendship so much yet she does nothing. and i feel like i made more effort i still invite her to hangout but eventually i stopped making the effort. i even still wished a happy birthday to her during this 1.5 years but she did not do the same for me. she knew exactly when my birthday was so i know she didnt forget but simply chose not do anything. a good friend would not do that. right? my other friend, Jack, told me that Sam doesnt know what to do and that she is afraid of doing something wrong so thats why she hasnt been able to reach out to me. Jack said i should contact her and talk it out. i feel like she already quit and its time for me to too. Jack insisted that its not true is it bad for me to feel like i dont need to do anything and she doesnt deserve it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Yotsubato~ 3,849 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Hmmm, this is difficult, but I will advise you to make a last ditch effort to save that friendship, if things still do not turn out the way you wanted to, then have some closure with her and move on to new frontiers. Best of luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kpopalypse 618 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 You're stressing too much. A friendship is always controlled by the person who cares about it the least. So stop caring, and things will swing back in your favour. Or they won't, in which case, just let it go. Sometimes people just outgrow each other. It's no big deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiiiiimber 3,411 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 is it bad for me to feel like i dont need to do anything and she doesnt deserve it? No, it's not. I've had such situation before and we're in the same boat, and now we are okay but not as what it used to be. We've drifted apart and the attachment is also not the same. We hadn't talk about that though, we are aware but we never really talked about it. My advice, let it go 'cause people come and go. Those who are loyal will only remain. You'll find new friend soon, not easy but it's worth it afterwards. XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Prince ☆ 3,308 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 I understand you. Just make sure that whatever choice you make, you won't regret it years after. I talk from the experience of having lost someone who once meant pretty much everything to me...and I'm still regretting my choices so...whatever you do, make sure you won't feel remorseful of your decision later in life. Stay strong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ringo 4,146 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 I understand, and it's an unfortunate situation to be in. It sounds like you've tried your best to keep communicating with her and think of her feelings, and if you have, that's all you can do. You're not a parent or a babysitter, you have needs too, and if she isn't reciprocating the contact and time you make for her, it might be time to let go. Friendship cannot be held up on the shoulders of only one person. Talk to her and get all this out in the open. If she still doesn't do anything or doesn't care to listen... Well, you've done your part. Sometimes, a person just doesn't care as much for you as you do them. Nothing you can do. Don't stress over people who only care about what you can do for them. A friendship is always controlled by the person who cares about it the least. It sounds cynical, but it's the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prosperity 209 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 You tried. If somebody doesn't want to be your friend anymore there isn't a point worrying about it. She ditched you for other friends, that 'could' mean that she needs to hang with somebody new. Either that or she just doesn't care about you anymore. STOP trying... The more you force it the worse it gets. Let her talk to you, be patient. The only way to see if you guys can be friends again is to wait for her to want to talk to you again. Let go, give each other a break. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charmedpaige 0 Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 Thank You all for the advice and confirmation to what I already thought of doing. You tried. If somebody doesn't want to be your friend anymore there isn't a point worrying about it.She ditched you for other friends, that 'could' mean that she needs to hang with somebody new. Either that or she just doesn't care about you anymore.STOP trying... The more you force it the worse it gets. Let her talk to you, be patient. The only way to see if you guys can be friends again is to wait for her to want to talk to you again.Let go, give each other a break. I have stopped for 1+ year already except when I texted happy birthday once on her bday. Only now I thought of contacting her again because my friend Jack insisted. but anyway thank you for the advice I appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gloupsidou 2,047 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 A friendship is always controlled by the person who cares about it the least. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g u m 3,131 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 You're stressing too much. A friendship is always controlled by the person who cares about it the least. So stop caring, and things will swing back in your favour. Or they won't, in which case, just let it go. Sometimes people just outgrow each other. It's no big deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fir1004yaa 97 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 That means she is not your best friend at all. if she is your best friend, she will back to you and need your favor. Once, i've been like that. But then we (me and my friends) get along together after we talked about what happend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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