arineunha 352 Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 He told me I gained weight and I needed to lose weight. I weigh the same as before btw, and I'm considered normal/skinny He told me that I needed new clothes because clothes (like leggings) were too revealing, told me to wear ugly pants. He told me to not smile at the customers, or give them a really ugly smile He said it was my fault that I let a guy touch me and flick my hat, he said that he would be angry if he found out if the guy did that again. He’s not afraid to kill him or go to jail Until the end he kept blaming me and made me feel guilty by questioning why I’m in the relationship, if I’m not there for him because I refused to give him money (mostly the stuff he asks for he doesn’t absolutely need, just wants me to buy it for him) He said he needed to set up rules and restrictions because we weren’t THAT close before. I needed his permission for most things like dying my hair, cumming, and going to pee (as a joke) He humiliated me and degraded me. He told me that I was a hoe, asked me if he should call me a slut for talking to other guys, said stuff like ‘make me a sandwich bitch.’ He called me a bitch when he said ‘bitches last’ when pouring water for all his friends and for me last. he also said i was practically brain dead and he said i was stupid He talked to his friends and told them how I was annoying, clingy, and unloyal. His female friends hated me for some reason and I felt uncomfortable around his mom. I was embarrassed, He flirted with other girls all the time, but when I talked to guys. He lost his cool. He was a hypocrite trying to check my phone password and get the password to my facebook, to see if I was talking to guys. One time he looked through my private search history and I tried to get my phone back, but he asked to choose between him and my phone (he said I loved my phone more than him). He told me that he’s going to break my phone. When I looked through his phone, he complained about how I didn’t trust him He tried to instill fear in me. He liked scaring me with his guns but I told him that I would never come back if he shot me. He said that he will rape me with a gun and then shoot my face with a gun, so guy would ever love me, if I ever did something I wasn’t supposed to He also looked insanely happy when he pushed me down on the bed hard and tried to choke me, I thought I was going to die. I even asked him if he was going to kill me. one time we got in an argument where I didn't give him my phone again that was the time he threatened to break my phone, he choked me and was like "purr like a cat" (i dress up as a cat sometimes) and then he went to another room and pulled out a gun trying to scare me. i ran really fast but i thought he was going to kill me again.. also he threatened me and said if I did something wrong his mom and cousins would kill me. he would get everyone on his side and disregard the people on my side, it felt like I really had no one He made me feel worthless and feel like I had no one to turn to except him. He told me that my parents didn’t teach me anything, so he had to teach me everything. He loved to talk about his parents, and told me to look/act a certain way to get on their good side. He said he didn’t care about my parents anymore, I don’t need to please my parents because my only job was to please him. He told me not to listen to my friend who was warning me about him, he blocked the girl off facebook and made me do the same. Until the end, he kept blaming me. He said I made him lose all his friends…that I’m an unloyal hoe and he put in so much effort in the relationship but I put in none so he’s going to stop trying. ETC ETC. He was giving me a ‘chance’ to be with him if I did everything he said, all the while he was flirting with majority of the girls he knew I always knew something was wrong but when I started to lose myself and my identity, I realized something. My job is not to do everything he says and please him, I put in the same amount of effort and I always felt like I’m still not good enough. I never felt happy in the relationship. My other friend noticed when I was stressing out over the fact, that my ex called me 11 times when I didn’t pick up the phone because my friend was using my phone, and I speed walked to meet him because if I was late, I knew he would be angry. I think I stayed because I actually believed that he really loved me like he said he did, all the memories felt so worth all the pain I was going through but it wasn’t. I thought the attention he gave me when he was mad and when he controlled me, was because he really cared about me. I considered maybe he was inspired to be kinky but no it was abuse. When he kept blaming me, I just shut down and distanced myself from him. Then when we broke up, I felt sad but I don’t feel the same amount of stress as before. Advice would be to always consider how you’re feeling in the relationship. Never feel responsible for a way a person is acting, if you done things like you normally would do them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baiichi 3,992 Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 This is so messed up. I'm glad you managed to get out of the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Rain 1,501 Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 :( I feel so sorry for u :( I almost cried reading this :''''( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Envied 5,831 Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 I'm glad you got out of that situation. This is why I've made it known to guys I've dated in the past that I have no problem getting bail money if need be, because the day I get touched is the day I go to jail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thigh-high feminist 15,771 Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 Wow, he was bad. Good thing you bailed on that. You didn't deserve any of it. I feel sorry for his future partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PepeMeme 270 Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 So, uh, why did you go out with him or put up with this stuff in the beginning? Have you talked to a therapist or anything about this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzy Quatro 1,441 Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 Damm, if this is true your fault in all of this was to hold on the relation that long, in fact some of the stuff you mention goes beyond an abusive relationship and I would very concerned about the mental health about that guy. So it's really a good thing you broke up with him but I would be seriously considering talking to the police or something. And yeah, no one should cope up with that type of bullshit from anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ 730 Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 disgusting for doing all that, and very pathetic he even asked you to buy things for him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonbyun 468 Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 So, uh, why did you go out with him or put up with this stuff in the beginning? It's not that easy. In the beginning, everything is going well. The partner gives you so much love and attention and you feel very cared for. Then they get mad at something you did, so you feel very sorry because it must've hurt them a lot for them to react that way when they were always calm for the first weeks. You feel guilty and you say sorry, the mistake being silly or not. Then they continue to treat you like you're what matters most in the world and you make another small mistake and they react even worse than the last time. They try to play with you: they ignore you for a couple of hours just so you can start feeling really guilty and pleading for them to forgive you. Some choose to insult you afterwards, or others (my experience) decide to threaten their suicide the second you start saying that this mistake wasn't so bad. So you just say ok, for tonight, i'll let it go, but next time I'll say something. But the next time comes too soon and it's the same thing as before: they find a way to make you shut up about what you really think. They make you feel like the worst lover ever because you hurt them and don't realize it. And before you know it, you're stuck in this hellhole where the other person now controls your life: you need to tell them everywhere you go, everyone you talk to, you need to choose them over your life, you start saying sorry a lot more. You tell your friends "I would really love to do that with you guys but I can't because he's gonna get mad", you basically become his slave. And you can't escape it because the threat is too real. You're scared they're gonna kill you, or you're scared they're gonna kill themselves. Why should you care if they kill themselves, you ask? Because even though there all of these bad things happening, they're hidden behind the good times with the person. The times where the person still makes you feel like you're the thing they care most about. Anyway, OP, I'm happy that you finally broke free from that circle. I took a step towards freedom not long ago, but I'm still very trapped by him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arineunha 352 Posted September 25, 2016 Author Share Posted September 25, 2016 So, uh, why did you go out with him or put up with this stuff in the beginning? Have you talked to a therapist or anything about this? I put up with him because I was doing what I want to do, I wasn't thinking of our relationship to be too serious. He was a mutual friend, and he seemed like he wanted it to be more serious, he actually wanted to date me. He messaged me 'morning' everyday, he wouldn't go out of his way to please me but he had some sort of toughness but also he was so communicative, I felt like I could talk to him about everything and anything in the beginning. I rebelled despite my friend's warnings and we tried to hang out and have fun whenever he had time, we always had fun. We met up everytime, we were free. We kissed, told each other jokes, slept together, ate together, and he said he would marry me because i'm the perfect girl for him. I didn't understand why people would try to warn me, and they kept warning me after until I saw for myself what was really wrong in the relationship. I kept making excuses for his behaviour, I tried to stay loyal because I was hoping that he would become the person he was before. I though he loved me which is why he put so much attention on me and he tried to perfect me, I was being delusional really I haven't talked to a therapist about this, I have gained support from my friends and my family though I really don't want to get involved with the police.. he didn't shoot me or anything. i've already reported something else about a guy to a police and it made me feel queasy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
리�윤 2,648 Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 i stop reading after a few explanation, a post said you already done with him? that's good then, not a good boy to be with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
victaorious 2,923 Posted September 26, 2016 Share Posted September 26, 2016 Sounds like a narcissist tbh. Glad you got out, don't feel sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newnewgudgud 22 Posted September 26, 2016 Share Posted September 26, 2016 So glad that you got out of it...and I hope that jerk of a guy gets what's coming to him!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vocabulary 890 Posted September 27, 2016 Share Posted September 27, 2016 I'm glad you managed to break free from him. While reading this, I was so scared for you, like I was afraid that even if you tried to break up, he'll continue being abusive by stalking you or something. I'm so glad it's fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linneahott 0 Posted September 27, 2016 Share Posted September 27, 2016 Happy for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pretty_angel92 44,530 Posted September 27, 2016 Share Posted September 27, 2016 that guy's a total psychopath. you did the right thing, girl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arineunha 352 Posted September 28, 2016 Author Share Posted September 28, 2016 I'm glad you managed to break free from him. While reading this, I was so scared for you, like I was afraid that even if you tried to break up, he'll continue being abusive by stalking you or something. I'm so glad it's fine. I don't think he even cares, but tbh I don't know why I should care. it ended for a different reason other than abuse, but I guess it's a good thing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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