I can't stand my friends anymore...

[YooJeong]

I'll try to keep this short, but I'm struggling a lot right now.

I just finished 11th grade (Junior year). I have one year left before I'm off to college and start a new part of my life.

My values, morals, and personality is the same as always...but suddenly, I can't connect with my friends. In fact, I feel frustrated by them, and am starting to despise being around them. Today we went to see an outdoor movie an the whole time I felt uneasy, uncomfortable, and unhappy. I was forcing a smile the entire time. 

 

My school friend group is made up of 5 people (6 including me). And all of them are top students and "good" teenagers. The very definition of goody two-shoes. In middle school we were called the "smart kids who read at lunch". Even though I've been friends with them since middle school, I'm nothing like them. I care about school and all, but I love adventures and have a pretty wild side. I can be pretty reckless and am very outgoing. I am always full of energy and I'm a huge thrill-seeker and I do actually enjoy breaking rules just for the sake of it a lot.

 

I've always been wild, outgoing and adventurous like this, and my friends have always been very obedient, kind of sheltered, goody two-shoes. And I've always had fun with them and been close with them, even though our personalities have always been different.

 

But this summer, things have changed. I no longer have fun with them. I get frustrated and annoyed by how they *always* follow the rules and never want to try new things because "it could get us in trouble", even little things like staying out past 10 P.M. I get frustrated by their goody, obedient, and sheltered personalities...even though this has never bothered me before. 

 

The other day I went to the park for a picnic with my friend, and she was so scared about it. She kept getting scared of meeting strangers, running into boys, drunk people, wishing her mom had come with us, etc.

And I was just like....we are a few months away from being legal adults and you're still scared and hesitant about having a picnic without an adult, in the park? At 1 P.M, in broad daylight?! .....And she made us drive home at 7 because staying out later than 8 P.M is dangerous...I kept thinking, "Come on, how old are we?"  

 

I'm really shocked and confused about why I'm feeling so frustrated. My friends haven't changed and neither have I. I've always been the wild and adventurous one, and they've always been the rule-following good kids.

 

So why is it that suddenly I can't stand how "good" they are? I'm so sad because I feel horrible for feeling this way towards them, there is nothing wrong with them following rules and being good but I can't help that lately the way they act has been bothering me so much, and idk why, that I can barely stand being around them anymore.

 

I really hate these feelings. They don't deserve me feeling angry at them like this, they're kind people and good friends but these days I just can't stand them.

 

Not just my school friends. My best friend, too. She goes to another school and we always used to have fun together. She's quiet and reserved be nature, and she always has been. She's always liked staying at home and watching TV, but these days I'm so irritated by how she's *always* too "tired" and all she does is watch TV or just lay around when we hang out all I do is listen to her talk negatively about everything and say how tired she is. At first I thought she was depressed but it's nothing like that at all, it's just her personality. I know she's always been like this but it's never bothered me until now. 

 

Sorry to ask, but does anyone know why this is? My personality and my friends personalities haven't changed, but suddenly I get so frustrated and uneasy around them. I feel like I can't connect or have fun with them anymore, I just feel uncomfortable or irritated the whole time.....has anyone else gone through this? Or has any advice please? 

 

 

[Rice]

You already pointed it out. The whole point of your frustration is because your "friends" are too safe and you don't like playing by the rules. Your friends and your personality are too different. Find a new group of friends to hang out with or wait till you go off to college to do what you want with whoever you want. Or why wait? You could even do that now. 

[GodYezi]

You'll soon finish high school and you'll go to college and make new friends. So think positve.

 

But you said you've known your friends for a long time. How come only now you start having these negative feelings? If you were nothing like them from the beginning, why did you become friends in the first place?

[Haus of Tzu:Lai]

I think you've changed (without knowing it) and have outgrown your friends. You obviously want more in life and do not see eye-to-eye on certain things anymore, even though you don't want to see/admit it. 

 

Nothing wrong with it, happens all the time. 

[Ziggyly]

I think the problem lies with you. You need to make new friends and expand your social circle. Don't abandon these current friends though. Keep them because once you resolved the problem within yourself, you may come back to realise how these friends have impacted your life.

[gayness]

maybe it's because you know that they won't matter once you got to college..or that they're pulling you down. Or maybe you're frustrated because of how different you are to them and you compare yourself to them and end up hating them because you think you deserve better. I think you're at the stage where you realize friends aren't forever and that you've outgrown them. Your mentality is changing. Congrats! Wish I was like you. 

 

 

I don't think having different types of friends is the problem.. There are tons of people out there that are complete opposites but they are best friends. I think the problem lies with you. Maybe you could start hanging out with other people? You ever tried that? You don't have to have just obedient friends. 0.0 Maybe you need that 1 or 2 people in your life that are similar to you. Keep a balance of friends. Hang out with the obedient ones when you want to relax, hang out with others whenever you want to be adventurous. 

[Fate(s)fly]

You already pointed it out. The whole point of your frustration is because your "friends" are too safe and you don't like playing by the rules. Your friends and your personality are too different. Find a new group of friends to hang out with or wait till you go off to college to do what you want with whoever you want. Or why wait? You could even do that now. 

[11:11]

This kind of things do happen, people will eventually grow apart from each other... It's ok don't worry you're not the only one. Maybe it's a sign that it's time for you to make new friends, just right with the timing when you have to go to college soon. Think of it in a more positive light, maybe you won't feel so sad parting with your friends when you go for college, compared to if you guys were still super close. 

 

Unrelated but do you know mbti? You seem like an ESFP or maybe ISFP.

[TiffanyEyeSmile]

Then sit.... ok sorry. I have problems with my friends too. It doesn't feel like it used to be when we hang out. My friends are really dedicated to studying, I used to be okay with that but it really annoys me these days.

[copymeginger]

 

Unrelated but do you know mbti? You seem like an ESFP or maybe ISFP.

 

I have the book on hand right now LMAO.But it's hard to tell with the description she put in the OP.

My friend is an ESFP, however she enjoys the company of quiet/studious people, though the friends described in the OP sound dull (and I know people like that, because I was friends with them in high school, and I perhaps was one of them [following rules and all, obeying curfews etc])

 

Off topic, but I'm an ESTJ. What about you?

 

But anyway for the OP, just try to make other friends, but don't abandon your old ones. We can have different group of friends, it's perfectly ok.

[11:11]

I have the book on hand right now LMAO.But it's hard to tell with the description she put in the OP.

My friend is an ESFP, however she enjoys the company of quiet/studious people, though the friends described in the OP sound dull (and I know people like that, because I was friends with them in high school, and I perhaps was one of them [following rules and all, obeying curfews etc])

 

Off topic, but I'm an ESTJ. What about you?

 

But anyway for the OP, just try to make other friends, but don't abandon your old ones. We can have different group of friends, it's perfectly ok.

I'm INTP~

 

I thought the OP sounded like an ESFP since:

- she said her values and morals didn't change - sounds pretty Fi as someone without Fi in my stack lol I mostly dk about my values and morals

 

- she said she is wild, outgoing and adventurous and stressed it a few times. This is a very clear case of Se

 

- not rule following, not a SJ type

 

- outgoing, so I thought OP is more extraverted so Se over Fi

 

So yes, that's what I thought, not 100% accurate so don't take it for the fact. Glad to see you like mbti too!

[Jen1886]

For the most part, people drift off once they get out of high school. I'm sorry you feel the way you do, but I cannot empathise with you because I'm personally more pertaining to this "goody two shoes" stereotype you pointed out.

 

However, it seems to me that you just need a break. You will probably get that chance once you decide to go to college. It's a really big change and you'll probably find more like-minded and more outgoing people. So chin up. Your feelings towards your friends may change with some new people and new experiences in your life.

[hima__]

Honestly, it's not that you can't connect with them anymore. It's just that you can't stand pretending being the good and obedient kid anymore. You said yourself that you have always been the wild and adventurous one but all of these years, you have been a good and obedient person more than wild and adventurous one. You wanted to break the rules just because the sake of it, you want to experience thrill and basically have a lot of reckless and wild time but obviously you can't do that considering all of your friends prefer to stay at home and out of trouble. You've had enough of it hence why you're angry at them and feel frustrated. 

 

You're right. Your personality and your friends' haven't changed but you just don't want to hide your true personality anymore. You want to let them out if not you will always feel uncomfortable and get irritated at every little thing they do or say. 

 

Find new people that you can connect but be careful when you choose your friends. There are people who enjoy thrills and wild and adventurous things but there is a fine line between doing it illegally or legally. My advice is choose and hang around with people who do fun things but keeping them safe at the same time. I get it that you're sick of being the "always follow the rules" person but really don't join the crowd that do weird and wild stuff without thinking of the consequences. Have a lot of fun and enjoy your youth to the fullest because it only happens once but be smart at the same time.  Don't choose friends who love being wild but don't care about their own self and safety and just for the sake of the thrills. I think that's just dumb. 

 

As for your current friends, it's okay to drift away from them and spend less time with them but don't cut off the friendship straight away. Talk to them and hear them some times. If they think you're not around them as much and they accuse you for changing and get mad at you, it's fine. That's normal. Just keep moving forward imo. As long as you're true to yourself and don't hide your true identity, it's okay. People come and go. Life keeps moving. 

[Seras]

 

he other day I went to the park for a picnic with my friend, and she was so scared about it. She kept getting scared of meeting strangers, running into boys, drunk people, wishing her mom had come with us, etc.

And I was just like....we are a few months away from being legal adults and you're still scared and hesitant about having a picnic without an adult, in the park? At 1 P.M, in broad daylight?! .....And she made us drive home at 7 because staying out later than 8 P.M is dangerous...

 

I'm cringing so hard.

 

Off topic but I'm seriously wondering what kind of environment the parents of your friends are raising their kids in. Because all this sheltering is going to come and bite them in the ass once they hit the real world.

 

 

Anyways, you say your personality hasn't changed but I beg to differ. It sounds like you're getting more mature and you now no longer can understand or tolerate things you normally would when you were younger, such as your friends' extremely reserved and sheltered personalities (because let's be real, I'm not saying they should become wild party girls or whatnot, but being scared to go to the park alone without a parent when you're almost a legal adult is fucking ridiculous). 

 

I don't think you necessarily need to cut ties with them but just start broadening your social circle so you have more friends who you could relate to better.