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Taeyeon doesn't know when it started, but Jessica...


JeongBAEHyun

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Really, Taeyeon doesn't know when it began.

 

But Jessica, Jessica. Sooyeon, she just began distancing herself against the other. She doesn't know really when it began. Was it during their 2011? Was it because she was out there being told by the company to 'act out the sinking ship of TaengSic'?

 

Which, to Taeyeon's perspective, was just her being in denial of what she actually was and is feeling. She also doesn't know when it began, how she'd feel a smile creep up to her cheeks whenever Sooyeon would jokingly hold her hand during practice, when she was tired, there Sooyeon was and shedding off her 'lazy' image, she would work her hardest and dance to her heart out. Its just that the company thinks its better to relegate her to being the 'lazy' member of the group and Taeyeon feels pained thinking about the times Sooyeon would talk to them late at night, eyes droopy and sad about not being able to show her true potential.

 

Taeyeon clearly admired her, but never admitted it publicly seeing as how she admired the other in more ways than one. And since Taeyeon doesn't know, even until this day on what to make of her feelings. She did what every other person wouldn't do: push the other away.

 

This wasn't even the company's decision (even the higher-ups have been asking her what her deal was with being 'cold' to Jessica), it was solely her. Normally everyone would talk about their personal issues once in a while, but it was one of those things she herself couldn't bring about to herself.

 

Taeyeon could clearly see the hurt in the other's eyes when they would be finished with recordings and performances. Distancing herself from the other when simply a few months ago they'd finish promotions for 'Oh!' and they'd spend time in the waiting room talking about the most mundane things. Miyoung wasn't even part of the equation like what most of their fans thought.

 

Taeyeon knew Miyoung was clearly worried of the two's situation, but she knew Taeyeon needed it more than Sooyeon did. And as a matter of fact, it tore Miyoung all the more. She's been vocal about the times Taeyeon and Sooyeon wouldn't even look eye to eye and the former would avoid physical contact with the other at all when back a few years ago she would be clinging to the other constantly.

 

'Taengsic' the word Taeyeon constantly despised and yearned for at the same time. It was something that felt painful to hear and yet pleasing to her senses at the same time, she vividly remembers the Sketchbook performance they had and Sooyeon's reassuring smile to her after the recording, telling the other she was fine even without her. And it completely broke Taeyeon, not that she'd ever tell the other.

 

It was at that time she came clean to herself and her beliefs, she admitted what she was scared of even thinking about at first; that she was clearly head over heels for the girl she met a decade ago in the practice room clad in sweatpants and sweater equipped with the most hopeful grin any trainee at that time could suffice.

 

Miyoung understood her clearly, and so did the other members. Miyoung was very open-minded about her thoughts, so it doesn't come to a rise that they matched well with their friendship. Yoona was supportive of the other and so were the other 6 about their leader.

 

The only person she's never said a mum about it was the person of interest herself. She's never had the guts to even talk to the other in anything for a few years now. 

 

So it came to no surprise from the other 7 that when their company told them of the other's sudden departure from the group; Taeyeon would be the most affected.

 

And yet it never showed publicly, she got hate for it. And people would think she's feeding off the 'fox' image Sooyeon's fans gave her, but in all reality; each accusation that Sooyeon's departure was because of her made it all the more painful to bear. Not in a million years would Kim Taeyeon ever think of removing the person whom she treasured dear the most impossibly far away.

 

People thought she was strongest when Sooyeon left, but after all those strong and resilient poker and smiles; she would spend the rest of rehearsals and dress runs tears running down her cheek everytime she'd see where Sooyeon was supposed to stand. She'd constantly bite her tongue for nearly calling out to Sooyeon who's always been late to rehearsals cleaning herself up constantly before. Now Taeyeon doesn't even get the privilege to scold the other for not being there.

 

The company instructed them to cut connections with Sooyeon, but it never stopped Yoona and Miyoung from talking with the person whom they were closest to aside from the others. And it pained Taeyeon, hearing Yoona mutter on the phone how much she misses 9 girls standing on stage as one and hearing the voice of the other across the line.

 

Even till this day, Taeyeon still can't manage to face or hear Sooyeon's voice for herself.

 

She thinks its comforting to simply love Sooyeon from afar, and away.

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I hope you know no one is going to read that especially with that terrible font

is it really that bad?

 

sorry, its my first try haha

 

Is this a fanfic?

well, it is under fanfiction after all....

 

tl;dr

haha idk how to do a tl;dr for this.

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