A Woman's Battle With Domestic Violence For 8 Torturous Years

[Kstarnet]

Even though it is long but it is worth to read

 

1st part

"He was once my best friend." The same man that vowed to love, protect and most importantly, be her friend, turned out to be her worst nightmare.

• When Shona first approached us, we were sure this was a story that deserves attention and the best way to shed light on the seriousness of domestic violence. But nothing prepared us for the barbaric details that she revealed about her marriage.

   

This is the story of Shona Roy, a battered young Malaysian woman who has dealt with domestic violence for eight long, torturous years.

Married at the tender age of 22 in 2008 after a whirlwind romance, Shona first met 'T', a Saudi Arabian national when she was still in college.

 

A year after being married to 'T', Shona found out that her husband was involved in extramarital affairs. From stumbling upon tonnes of sexually driven messages to suggestive photos of women in his phone, the revelations were never ending.

When she asked him, he evaded her questions and came up with excuses for his behaviour.

"His excuses varied. Once he said that the girl was just someone that used to like him, and then it became an old relationship, it was never consistent."

 

As the year went on, Shona quickly realised that her husband's life is a web of intricate lies.

Fast forward a year later, she had her first child, son Emran Alshabrakah in April 2009 and her marriage was in shambles.

The constant lies and overall unhappiness in her marriage led to Shona going through a bad case of post-natal depression. That is when 'T' started hitting her.

"I was depressed, he continued cheating on me, not on a single woman but many at a time. That drove me into my own cocoon and I stopped talking to him. It didn't sit well with him and that drove my husband to become violent and start hitting me," explained Shona.

She made her first police report in May 2010, just a month after her daughter Zahra'a Alshabrakah was born. The police came over, took her statement and said that they would look into the matter. According to Shona, little was done afterwards.

 

'T', on the other hand, continued slapping, kicking and slamming her head against the wall for one thing or another.

"When I cry and explain to him that I was just out with my friends or family, he goes into panic mode, apologises and starts showering me with expensive gifts."

 

It could be as simple as Shona heading out for dinner with her family or just running errands, he merely needed an excuse to channel his anger towards her.

Four years passed, and in 2012, Shona went back to complete her tertiary education, as per her husband's promise to her mother when asking for her hand in marriage. In the midst of juggling her two kids, an erratic, violent husband and her studies, Shona continued to be beaten and emotionally abused by her husband.

The torture continued and he hit her really hard one day, when she questioned him about the explicit messages from women on his Facebook account's inbox.

"I stopped talking to him completely. We were living in the same house but I ignored him and just focused on my kids. A few weeks later, he walked into the house with a Quran and swore on it that he would never hit me again," added Shona.

 

Keeping up with his habit of showering her with expensive gifts after hitting her, this time around he bought her an exorbitantly expensive car to make up for his temper

 

While she was determined to complete her education, he dropped out of college and tried his luck with business deals that involved her relatives and large sums of money.

"It didn't work it, he didn't keep his end of the bargain and ended up owing my uncles a lot of money," explained Shona.

So, in 2014, after months of looking for employment opportunities locally and not being able to find a suitable job, 'T' decided to go back to Saudi Arabia, leaving behind Shona and his two children in Malaysia.

"He got a job there, and used to visit every couple of months, things got better and I genuinely thought our relationship has survived the worst." expressed Shona.

 

"In 2015, my husband came back and was eager for the family to move to his home country, Saudi Arabia.

"He promised that our children will have the best education and it's best for the family to be together but the move turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life," explained Shona.

On 7 March 2015, the family moved back to Saudi Arabia and that was the end of life as she knew it.

"A few months after moving to Saudi, 'T' received a phone call saying that his cousin got into an accident. He dropped his phone and left in a hurry and walked over to pick it up, the phone kept buzzing."

"When I picked up the phone, I saw messages in Arabic pouring in from a lady whose name I recognised as his childhood friend and neighbour. I managed to get an acquaintance to translate some of it and later found out that he has been having an affair for the past year with her," said Shona.

To make matters worse, she came across photos of unknown women in his phone's gallery, with many other messages coming on from his other social networking sites.

 

When she questioned about the messages and photos, he denied it at first, claiming that he has never met these women.

Minutes later, unable to justify his actions, he merely said, "It's your fault, you were all the way in Malaysia."

 

"I was shocked. Not only was he still cheating on me, but he named me as the reason for his infidelity towards me."

Confused, grief-stricken and left in an unfamiliar territory, Shona decided to talk to her sister-in-law and other local women that she's friends with about her marital problems.

Instead of offering support, the women ended up saying that it is common for "their men" (referring to Saudi nationals) to be this way.

"I was so shocked when they said that. The idea of condoning adultery was something I could never see myself doing. I love my husband, but I realised right then, I've been excusing his behaviour for far too long," added Shona.

 

"I went into depression and he lapsed into his old behaviour, only worse this time around. He started torturing me, dragging me across the floor and once he chased me around with a knife, in front of my 6-year-old son."

The more he hit her, the less responsive she became, all to the point that she only spoke to her children and locked herself up in the room for most parts of the day.

To make matters worse, he took away the only thing that she cared about - her two, young children - and dropped them off at his parents' place. He also made sure that she can't leave the house by locking her in.

A few weeks later, he walked in and coaxed her gently into going out with him, telling her that it's time they talk about their relationship. After a while, she agreed and they went out to get a drink.

He drove her to an isolated beach strip they had a little talk about their relationship. Halfway through the conversation, 'T' got out and went over to the backseat, after saying that he needed to take something

 

"I saw him taking out a string that I recognised was from my daughter's pajamas bottoms. In a split second, he had the string wrapped around my neck, strangling me. While I was fighting for my life, he repeatedly said, 'Tell me you won't leave me’."

Realising that she was losing consciousness, he stopped and started crying. Shona described his behaviour as deranged and confusing.

"I wanted to run. But he forced me into the car which only pushed me to jump out of the car in the middle of the road. He dragged me back in, I was crying, had a cut and looked like a mess, but nobody paid any attention," said Shona.

Hoping that his father would be able to help her, she asked him to take her to his father's place and he agreed.

Proving her wrong, her father-in-law dismissed her claims that 'T' tried strangling her, but agreed to take her to the hospital instead after she begged for it

 

Instead of taking her to the general hospital to be treated, Shona's elderly father-in-law "dumped" her at a mental institution

According to Shona, her father-in-law left her there and asked the nurses to treat her and that he'll pick her up when she's "cured".

Luckily enough, the physician was willing to listen to her side of the story and after a series of examinations, declared that she was just having "adjustment issues" and was in no way mentally ill or disturbed.

His physical examination found that she had strangulation marks on her neck and to ensure that she receives the necessary care, the doctor had referred her to the general hospital.

At the Dammam Medical Complex, the emergency physician, Dr. Mohamed Farooq Parey diagnosed her case as "assault by unspecified means, spouse or domestic partner" and called the police to take over the case.

 

Shona was hopeful, she sincerely believed that the authorities will take her case seriously and take action against her husband for violent assaulting her.

But, she got arrested instead.

 

The officers laughed at her when she told them her husband tried strangling her and has been physically abusing her. She even passed them the medical reports from the local hospitals that treated her.

"They told me that it is normal for a husband to behave this way, and asked her why she wasn't covered up with the hijab. I lost my temper, they were trivialising me. The officer jailed me for that."

 

Realising that her only way out of this situation was to be nice, or at least try, she decided to change her behaviour towards him. She was walking on eggshells but it worked and her husband stopped beating her up.

'T' even took her on a little trip to Dubai and a few weeks later, she found out that she was pregnant with her third child.

It was July 2015 and the fasting month, when her husband kicked her for not fasting. She lost the baby.

She was devastated but stuck as 'T' was still keeping a very close eye on her movements. The quick-witted, then 29-year-old Shona, came up with a game plan to "escape" from the clutches of her husband.

 

"I packed up my bags and left Saudi Arabia, away from the man that robbed me off my happiness, freedom and life."

As heartbreaking as it is, domestic violence is one of the most common forms of violence in the world.

Shona's story is a long one that is yet to meet its end. To find out what happens after she comes back to Malaysia, leaving her two young children in Saudi, read the second part of her story on Monday, 25 April, 8pm.

She managed to get his "permission" to go back home, but he warned her that she'll have to be back in four days.

"Hours later, my father-in-law turned up and bailed me," said Shona.

[Kstarnet]

(2nd part) "The hardest part about running away from that 'monster' was leaving my children behind. It tore me apart, but I think I would have died if I had stayed back".

She desperately wanted to bring her children back with her, but her husband had made it impossible by tearing up both Emran and Zahra'a's Malaysian passports and created Saudi passports for them instead.

According to the Middle Eastern country's laws, the children would require their father's permission to leave the country as they now only have Saudi Arabian passports.

 

After about a week, 'T' realised that Shona wasn't planning to come back anytime soon. He was constantly calling her for the first couple of weeks, using their kids to guilt-trip her into going back to Saudi.

"I would get phone calls from him all the time, his emotions were erratic and all over the place. From being angry and yelling to crying on the phone, he was determined to get me back there," said Shona.

Shona explained how he would say things like, "How dare you leave the kids behind, don't you miss them, they miss you so much, Imran and Zahra'a' are always crying here".

 

"I almost gave in and I missed my kids so much. It broke my heart knowing that they were forced to live with him, without my protection."

Shona was broken and her marriage of eight years that she desperately tried to hold on to was shattered.

She explained how she went through severe depression, locking herself up in the house and refusing to meet anybody.

"It was the most difficult time of my life, I was so worried about my children and their well-being and on a personal level I felt like I was no longer the person I used to be."

Despite having her family's support and love, Shona admitted that she really didn't know how to get up, be strong and move on.

The battered mother of two knew that she needed to do something to bring her kids back to a safe and nurturing environment, but she didn't know how. 'T' broke her beyond repair.

 

"I wanted to kill myself, but everything changed when I met him."

Shona formed a friendship with a kind soul that changed her life and taught her the importance of not giving up.

Tearing up, Shona spoke about the friend that has been there for her since she met him at the darkest point in her life.

'M', as she calls him, came into her life unexpectedly and ended up becoming her pillar of strength and support over the past year.

"We met through a friend, at a random Sunday lunch. I was depressed and the last thing I wanted was to make small talk but he was determined to be my friend," said Shona.

 

"He was always there. Every time I got depressed, sick or felt like giving up, he was always there to remind me of my goal to get my kids back home."

As the first step towards moving on and becoming stronger, 'M' asked Shona to get a job and suggested one that involves travelling and meeting new people.

Right when her life was beginning to make sense again, she started getting threatening calls from 'T'. This time around, he was vindictive, mean and had changed his antics.

"He wanted to break me, told me that he has barred me from entering Saudi, cutting all excess to my children. What really shocked me was that he casually said that he was going to remarry and have his second wife take care of my kids."

So, she got a job as a flight attendant with Rayani Air, regained her financial independence and finally, her confidence.

With a new job and her loved ones' support, Shona was more than ready to fight for the custody of her children.

"M helped me in so many ways, it went beyond emotional support. He helped me with legal matters pertaining the custody of my children and gave me practical, sound suggestions on what I should do next to best prepare for this arduous battle," explained Shona.

 

However, a week later, he called Shona and told her that she can come back to Saudi to see the kids, but the offer came tied to a number of unimaginably disturbing conditions

"If you want to come back, you have to wear sexy, tight-fitted clothes at home, do your hair, put on make up and make sure you take really good care of me," said 'T', as quoted by Shona.

The phone call left her speechless and she realised right then that he wants nothing but a sex slave that lives up to his demands.

"He hardly spoke about the kids and I was getting worried about their condition. I knew that he had the habit of lashing out at them when he's upset even when I'm around.

"So I started begging him to bring the children to Malaysia. Spent months speaking to him, coaxing him to bring Imran and Zahra'a' back to Malaysia for their birthday," explained Shona.

[Kstarnet]

(3rd part)

 

After nine long months, 'T' came back to Malaysia on 30 March. Thankfully, he brought along their two young children. "I think that might have been one of the happiest moments in my life, being able to see my children after all those months, alive and well." Little did 'T' know that Shona came armed with a temporary custody order from the Syariah court.

"I walked up to him and my lawyers served him with the custody papers. For the first time in almost 10 years, I felt strong and confident."

Shona revealed that she has been working with her lawyers to get the papers ready to get her kids back since the first day she came back to Malaysia.

Explaining that it wasn't an easy task, the 30-year-old mother stressed that her children are her utmost priority and that her elderly mother has been her biggest supporter.

"She is an amazing person. Not once did she judge me harshly for the decisions I made, she just understood and trusted that I acted based on what I thought was best for my family."

"People kept asking me, why didn't I just leave or why did I stay for as long as I did. The reason was both complex and simple. Complex, because leaving someone that you love, believing that they are hurting you is the most difficult thing to do. For whatever that it's worth, I stayed for my children, I wanted them to have a father figure. Every time he apologised, I hoped that it would be the last."

 

'T' wasn't happy. Realising that he had little power in this part of the world, he decided to play nice and asked Shona out for dinner, wanting to talk things through like a "real couple".

"I was worried and wasn't sure what was in store for me this time around. From my eight years of marriage to him, I knew that he would have something planned to make sure that I bend over backwards to cater to his needs," explained Shona.

Her gut feeling was right. Somberly, he started talking about how much he missed her and how he has changed over the past few months.

'T' wanted them to patch up the marriage and return to Dubai to start over. He even claimed that he has not been seeing anyone since she left Saudi. Exasperated, Shona asked him if she could just take a look at his phone.

He handed it over reluctantly. Unsurprisingly, Shona found that it was still filled with sexually driven messages and photos of random women.

 

Disappointed and exasperated, Shona told 'T' that she was done with their broken relationship.

"It was like gangrene, a rotting limb that I needed to get rid of or it'll eat me up and ruin everything else I have."

 

Despite knowing that her husband can be terribly abusive towards her, Shona trusted her husband enough to safely assume that he wouldn't physically hurt their children.

"He used to hit and verbally abuse me in front of them, but he's never hit them."

To her surprise, her children revealed that 'T' did abuse them when she was away. Her son, Emran claimed that his father burnt him with cigarette butts and their paternal grandmother used to pinch his sister until she bled.

 

Armed with proof of almost a decade of adultery and severe domestic violence, Shona thought that she would be able to keep the kids legally until she could file for full custody. She was wrong.

To put it simply, the Malaysian Syariah court actually cancelled her temporary custody, leaving the children up for grabs.

Shona was baffled by the decision, as she had mentioned and provided medical evidence suggesting that 'T' is abusive towards her and their children during court proceedings.

"I told the judge and my lawyers that his erratic behaviour can be detrimental to our children's growth and life. Children deserve a happy and safe environment to grow up in and I strongly believe that he doesn't have to ability to provide either for my children."

 

Instead of providing sound reason on why he deserves custody of the children, 'T' claimed that Shona is not a good Muslim during the custody trials.

He pinpointed that she consumes alcohol, smokes, has male acquaintances, and does not wear a hijab.

Shona was perplexed.

"He married me knowing that I drink and smoke and he used to be the one that wanted to celebrate my birthdays and hang out at watering holes. I was a Christian when we married and stayed that way for the first two years of our marriage," said Shona.

In her defence, she explained that she has only been a Muslim for a few years and has been trying her best to learn and comply to the religion's teachings.

Despite all her best efforts, her lawyers informed her that the court has cancelled her temporary custody.

In a desperate attempt to keep her children safe and away from the man who abused them, Shona decided to send them to her mother and keep them at an undisclosed location

She tried her best to avoid him and keep the children hidden and safe with her family.

But 'T' refused to give up. He desperately wanted to get the children back so he started stalking her.

"I would come home and the guards would tell me that a gang of people came looking for me. He hired a few people and started going to all my relatives and friends' homes, looking for me."

"I was terrified but it was important that I protected myself and stayed away from him. Above everything I am a mother and all I wanted was for my children to be safe," added Shona.

 

After multiple police complaints about living in fear of her husband's brutality, the police officers finally took notice of her case after she wrote a complaint letter to IGP Khalid Abu Bakar

The authorities finally issued a restraining order against 'T', legally protecting Shona from the clutches of her husband.

At the time of writing, 'T' is still in Malaysia with his father and legal team, determined to win the custody case.

 

Her two children are currently under the loving and watchful care of her mother while Shona is working on the process of applying for full custody.

"I will not give up till I can provide a safe and loving environment for my children," stressed Shona.

 

6 APRIL: Shona’s children almost get kidnapped by her father-in-law

As mentioned previously, Shona has been trying to keep her two children safe and away from the abusive hands of her husband. Things have been taught, the 30-year-old said, but she stressed that she would go to any lengths to protect her kids, Emran and Zahra'a.

While she has been cautious about going out, Shona has also been trying her best to make her children's lives as normal as possible which requires them heading out every now and then.

"The nine months they spent in Saudi were really terrible, he tortured them and changed their lives. I just want them to have a happy, decent childhood."

 

With that in mind she took her two young children for some fresh air and the trio had a blissful day, until they came back home.

"I was walking towards my apartment, and someone charged at me out of nowhere and tried to grab my kids," explained Shona.

 

"It was 'T''s elderly father. I panicked and started screaming, calling out for help. He managed to push me to the ground and run with my kids. That's when the guards heard me and saved my children from being kidnapped, by their own grandfather."

A traumatised Shona, explained how she went straight to the police station to lodge a report about the incident. Her father-in-law was apparently assisted by another man, that according to Shona, looked like a Malaysian.

"My daughter was so terrified she peed in her pants. Right as he was escaping, I heard him yelling, 'Better be careful!'," said Shona.

The incident left Shona with bruises on her neck and left arm.

 

To make matters worse, she found out that her father-in-law has been stalking her for the past few weeks. She was made aware that 'T' is back in Saudi Arabia but his father has been in town, keeping track of Shona and her children's whereabouts.

He ('T') sent a photo of me, taken when I was at Petronas Twin Towers recently and told me that he will never give up on fighting to get the children back till the very end of his life," revealed Shona.

To ensure the safety of her children, she decided to hire a bodyguard for them while waiting for the court proceedings to be over.

When she asked him to stop scaring the children over a text message, he replied with a photo of his middle finger.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Kstarnet]

4th part

 

Police officer blocks Shona on WhatsApp in her time of need

Shona's torture is yet to meet its end. While the mother of two is striving to fight for the full custody of her children, her former husband and his family are more than determined to bring the children back to Saudi Arabia.

Making matters worse, Shona has been left to deal with strangers hovering around her mother's house for past two weeks.

"My neighbours first noticed it and alerted me that there has been a few cars parked a few houses away from us for the past few days. Thankful for the alert, I rushed to the police station to make a report."

"Instead of addressing the matter right away, they dilly-dallied for a few days and after a couple of insistent trips to the station, they finally came to investigate," explained Shona.

 

The men in those cars claimed to be repossession agents when questioned by the police.

What really surprised Shona was that, instead of confirming their claims, the police officers apparently just left it at that.

"It really frustrated me that these people are willing to just ignore my legit worries and the safety of the people in that residential area when they are the ones that are supposed to ensure our safety."

"The men, they turn up in different cars mostly. It is sometimes a white Toyota Vios or Camry or a green Alza or Proton Saga. They lurk around overnight and my neighbours are terribly concerned," said Shona.

Frustrated, Shona decided to drop a message to the officer in charge of her case and IPO (Interim Protection Order) investigations, but to her disappointment, that didn't help her situation either.

 

"She refused to answer my messages. I tried explaining to her how tricky my situation is and that I'm genuinely worried about the safety of my kids. The next thing I know, she blocked me on WhatsApp," said Shona.

Desperate for an intervention, Shona stressed that she is currently in the process of sending a complaint letter to the higher authorities to help with her situation.

 

 

I think that this is disgusting and the police is rude as hell

[iamayam]

Thats fucked up

[Nestea Iced Tea]

Having children with your abusive spouse is the hardest reason to get out of an abusive relationship.

 

She's a strong woman to go through so much. I hope she can win custody of the kids and be away from him.

[Hoplz]

Disgusting

[Kstarnet]

Having children with your abusive spouse is the hardest reason to get out of an abusive relationship.

 

She's a strong woman to go through so much. I hope she can win custody of the kids and be away from him.

True. I hope that the spouse's family will be witch hunted for life

[Queen's Mine]

I was sleeping while reading it lol

[tya]

What the fuck is wrong with this world 

 

She's one hell of a strong woman to be able to get through all that. I hope she finds happiness soon

[pnkvlvt]

The guts of this guy is purely disgusting. He's shameless. 

[Guest]

She's such a strong person. This must be so frustrating when even the justice doesn't take your side...