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My friend with a girlfriend is sending me mixed signals D:

tsaglaglal

By tsaglaglal
in Love & Relationships

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tsaglaglal Senior Idol

tsaglaglal

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So ummm... What the title says

 

Since this year at uni I've become very close with this guy. We're very compatible, have similar interests, similar sense of humor... So lately I've been thinking of him as my best guy friend. We're always together at uni, and I like to spend time with him as much as he does with me (he's told me that actually).

 

He - let's call him Miles - has a girlfriend. I think they are made for each other, they're very cute together. Miles is a really good boyfriend, I think. One of the most genuinely good people I've ever met.

 

So let's get to the point. I'm flirty with everybody (people assume I have something going on with any guy I talk to) and so is he. He's very touchy-feely, he loves to hug and say flirty comments. That's what is making all of this so difficult. I don't know how to differentiate what's him being his flirty self, and what's really crossing the line. I try to watch him interact with other girls and compare it with how he does with me... Some examples of what he does:

 

We went to the beach with our class friends last weekend and I don't know how the sleeping arrangement turned out to be a friend of ours, me and Miles in the lower bed of a bunk bed. We didn't have much space to be honest. And neither of us could sleep a little bit that night. So we talked, he asked me about something I had told him about my ideal type a really long time ago... And as I have said he's really touchy feely. Isn't it weird, all the other 4 people in the bunk bed sleeping and us there, hugging and drawing things on our backs. Obviously in that situation I got a little turned on...

 

Also we drank that weekend, and he looked at me with such longing eyes and talked very close to me, also rubbed my hands... But I saw him doing that with another girl in the group so it's alright?

 

Today he told me he wanted to put a picture of us two as his WhatsApp background, but the pic didn't fit. I mean what would his girlfriend think if she saw that?? Not only that, he said he loved it when I twerked (I'm a dancer and I was teaching them some moves ^^') and that I was so good at it... Isn't that inappropriate...

 

Moreover... I think one of our mutual friends ships us or something... One day out of the blue he told me he had dreamed we were in a vacation with all the class friends and that he caught us doing it. He's mentioned several times he thinks Miles could do better than his girlfriend, and he likes to tell him things to make him question their relationship. Well... he calls himself a relationship destroyer if he doesn't like his friend's couples.

 

On the other hand though... Miles often talks to me about his girlfriend, about what they did together, or her self confidence problems lately... (One of the many reasons for that is that she believes she's a baked potato compared to him and the girls that go after him... my heart breaks for her...). And some of the things he does... We skyped one day when he was sick, and I played the piano for him... The following day he told me he felt a lot better after talking to me and hearing me play... What a sweet talker... And then another day he tells me because of this he started to play the piano again with his girlfriend. Friendzoned. And we talk about my love life, he wants to set me up with his friends, ...

 

It's really not like him to manipulate people, to lead people on or to leave his girlfriend... I honestly think he doesn't realise what he's doing... But we just get along so well, I think there's a possibility I'll eventually really like him. But when I like someone and I end up getting them, I usually stop liking them immediately after (I like the chase only, and it's horrible). I'd never be as good of a girlfriend as his current one is, and I don't wanna get between them. I don't think she suspects me or anything, although she does of other girls (but not in the gelaous way, more like look at these pretty girls that like you). So guys... Do you think this is all my imagination or what... Because most of the time I think it is but he does some things sometimes...

 

TL;DR: my best guy friend flirts with me but he's a flirty person in general, and he doesn't seem like the type to cheat on his girlfriend

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ETB5 Superstar

ETB5

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Out of respect, especially for his girl friend (you shouldn't have slept with him in the same bed if you had feelings for him), you should let it go.

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Vanilla Cupcake Superstar

Vanilla Cupcake

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The whole time I was reading this, I just think this guy is a manipulative jerk. I mean if you're in relationship, you gotta draw some boundaries, especially with other female interactions. I mean hugging and normal interactive touching is fine, but hugging in bed and holding another girl's hand in a flirtatious manner? I don't know, I feel like he's crossing the line.

 

Anyway, if that's the person he is, I don't think he's doing anything out of the ordinary with you (maybe with the exception of the Whatsapp background; but then again, he's super flirty, so it doesn't seem too unordinary). 

 

My suggestion with you is to really figure out what you want with this guy. Do you want to be with him or do you just want to be friends. Because you need to stop leading him on as well. And tbh with you, unless you're a super confident person, I'd imagine having anxiety attacks all the time dating this guy.

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MelanatedBeauty Global Superstar

MelanatedBeauty

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The whole time I was reading this, I just think this guy is a manipulative jerk. I mean if you're in relationship, you gotta draw some boundaries, especially with other female interactions. I mean hugging and normal interactive touching is fine, but hugging in bed and holding another girl's hand in a flirtatious manner? I don't know, I feel like he's crossing the line.

 

Anyway, if that's the person he is, I don't think he's doing anything out of the ordinary with you (maybe with the exception of the Whatsapp background; but then again, he's super flirty, so it doesn't seem too unordinary). 

 

My suggestion with you is to really figure out what you want with this guy. Do you want to be with him or do you just want to be friends. Because you need to stop leading him on as well. And tbh with you, unless you're a super confident person, I'd imagine having anxiety attacks all the time dating this guy.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ GET ON YOUR PASTA TRAIN KATEE

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TIAAERI Superstar

TIAAERI

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Wow he sounds condescending af but some people are just really flirty even when they dont have those intentions at all. I think that you should just let it go because he's not single and if you do happen to get in a relationship with him you would be breaking up a couple and potentially loosing him as your really good friend since you said you only like the chase and will usually become uninterested. So to me it is just not worth it

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Prompto Senior Idol

Prompto

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He has a girlfriend  :cry: That's the first sign telling you not to fall deeper for him. Out of respect for her but also for yourself, because i don't think you would like your boyfriend to flirt with another girl , right? Are you willing to hurt a third person over a guy? Think about what you'd do if you were his girlfriend, its just not right, i know you can't help how you feel, but this is not right.

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tsaglaglal Senior Idol

tsaglaglal

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The whole time I was reading this, I just think this guy is a manipulative jerk. I mean if you're in relationship, you gotta draw some boundaries, especially with other female interactions. I mean hugging and normal interactive touching is fine, but hugging in bed and holding another girl's hand in a flirtatious manner? I don't know, I feel like he's crossing the line.

 

Anyway, if that's the person he is, I don't think he's doing anything out of the ordinary with you (maybe with the exception of the Whatsapp background; but then again, he's super flirty, so it doesn't seem too unordinary). 

 

My suggestion with you is to really figure out what you want with this guy. Do you want to be with him or do you just want to be friends. Because you need to stop leading him on as well. And tbh with you, unless you're a super confident person, I'd imagine having anxiety attacks all the time dating this guy.

  

Don't fall for his words,this may sound harsh but you are not his special snowflake if you see he does this with a lot of more girls and probably tells them the same things he says to you,I had that one two and I just stayed away from him because I know I'm not gonna be only one so

  

the only signal you should be sending him is "STOP" he has a girlfriend ffs

  

Wow he sounds condescending af but some people are just really flirty even when they dont have those intentions at all. I think that you should just let it go because he's not single and if you do happen to get in a relationship with him you would be breaking up a couple and potentially loosing him as your really good friend since you said you only like the chase and will usually become uninterested. So to me it is just not worth it

  

He has a girlfriend  :cry: That's the first sign telling you not to fall deeper for him. Out of respect for her but also for yourself, because i don't think you would like your boyfriend to flirt with another girl , right? Are you willing to hurt a third person over a guy? Think about what you'd do if you were his girlfriend, its just not right, i know you can't help how you feel, but this is not right.

Thank you for all the responses... I'm going to try to not follow him when he starts flirting. I've been thinking about this and I'm pretty sure our flirting is harmless, just a way to have a fun banter and at the same same flatter each others egos. Still, I don't want this to get awkward in the future so I'll stop. I want to keep him as a friend though, he's the kind of guy friend I always wanted to have.

 

Out of respect, especially for his girl friend (you shouldn't have slept with him in the same bed if you had feelings for him), you should let it go.

I know we shouldn't have slept in the same bed ^^' I got in the room and everybody was set already, that was the only place left. It would've been rude to ask everyone to move so I wouldn't sleep beside him. We only hugged once too.

 

Your comments helped me sort out my feelings too. I like flirting and the attention as much as he does, but I don't want to get in a relationship right now, much less break another.

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