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Pirine

LGBTQIA Community Thread! If you're queer come here~

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There's a queer thread???? HOW DID I NOT KNOW?!

I'm Ashley (she/her pronouns but I don't mind they either), relatively recently discovered lesbian with some sort of asexuality throwing me for a loop that I haven't been able to define yet. I enjoy sex when I have it but rarely feel the need to have it, and I have never had sexual attraction towards someone I've just met. I need some personal connection first before I even think about doing the horizontal (and sometimes vertical  :hurr: ) hanky panky. I know it's probably some sort of demisexuality/gray-ace but I'm confused. 

 

hey! i have a question and i didn't know where to ask, i also don't feel comfortable talking about this irl

ever since i was 11 i knew i like girls and at this age i had never even heard a homophobe comment, so i didn't think too much about it, i just felt like i really really liked girls and wanted to kiss them, that's all. but when i was 13, i went to a religious school and i started to be have a lot of internalized homophobia, idk i just couldn't call myself lesbian like i use to, i forced myself to try to like boys and i told myself i was bi (but i never got together with one - i was always very uncomfortable) and i would just pretend i was straight. so yeah, i was very closeted. i had a lot of friends that would joke about lgbt people and say they are disgusting, my teachers would make homophobe jokes every class... it was horrible. now skip to now, my first year on college where everyone is very open and talk about their sexuality... and even though it's a very safe place, i can't get out of the closet. i can't even tell my therapist i like girls, idk, i'm so afraid and i don't even know about what. i have a very bad case of depression and social anxiety, so i don't get out a lot and i have never been with a girl, but i'm atracted to them and i fell in love with one once (in the internet... my first gf haha). but i have never felt atracted to men, i just think some are very handsome and sometimes i want to kiss them (but only older ones, i have never even considered dating a boy of my age, never), but never have sex with them or something like that. i'm so confused... i feel like i'm actually a lesbian and me trying to believe i'm bi is just a part of me that wants to please my mom (like, you know, to get married to a man and have kids), but idk... i'm confused

sorry if this is too long, i just have a lot in my mind. if someone can help me to try to find out if i'm a lesbian or bi, i would be so so appreciated. and maybe some tips to help to get out of the closet? <3 thank you for reading!

 

I've had a similar experience! The reason I'm a recently discovered lesbian is similar to your reasons a bit. I knew since I was 12 that I wanted to kiss girls, but homophobic comments from peers and parents kind forced me into the closet. I somewhat forced myself to be straight for a while which was okay, until I had a crush on a girl and started dating her and then my peers decided to enact some "smear the queer" type bullying on my poor ass which forced me back into denial again. I started having relationships with basically any guy which led to some pretty horrible experiences. My way of identifying was doing so somewhat slowly, I started identifying as pan in my senior year of high school and started coming out during my freshman year at college (because I was away from home my family couldn't really say shit to me unless they wanted me to super hate them) and then I realized I didn't really like dick all that much and guys were nasty to me, so I re-came-out as a lesbian towards the middle of my sophomore year. I've identified as such for around a year and half. 

I think the main thing is just to self-reflect. What do YOU want in your life? Who are YOU attracted to? I think you'd have to block out the wants of family members and societal expectations in order to examine how you actually feel towards any gender. Personally, if you only want to marry a guy because you're expected to have children and marry a guy, I would think that you're not straight. If your heart wants to be with women, or if your heart doesn't care about gender, then that's your answer. It takes some people a few years to figure out their own identities, and even then sometimes they can change or you may find that you don't want to label your feelings. It's all about focusing on what you want.  :meow:

Also, maybe try to see if your campus has some sort of LGBTQ+ organization. My campus has a Gender and Sexuality Resource Center as an actual campus office/lounge, and then we have Pride Alliance as a club. I think if you go there it may help your self discovery to be around fellow queer people. And generally, people in such an office or club are less judgmental than any other person you'd run into on campus. Those places are truly safe and you can be yourself while you figure out who you are. 

Edited by junsushi

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hey ashley! thank you so much for answering, really <3

i care a lot about others opinions of me (i know it's bad, but it happens a lot), so when people make little comments i always get uncomfortable and i always ended up trying to change myself just to be left alone. i've been trying to change that, but i know i did it a lot when i was younger :// but hey, i'm happy you you've found a label you feel comfortable on identifying yourself, it can be such a difficult thing. and idk, fiting in can be good, but will never me enough.

yess i need to reflect a lot, something i'm struggling a lot is to differentiate platonic love with romantic love... i never know when i have feelings for someone because i mix everything up, it's a mess haha. i really need to figure out what i want, this is very new for me ;;

oooh i know it has, but i'm kinda afraid of going alone (i'm shy and my social anxiety is bad, i don't know how to talk with people lol), but i'll try to see if any of my friends want to go with me.

and again, thank you so much! i don't feel comfortable talking about this irl, so it's awesome some people here are taking the time to answer. <3

 

I feel you on the social anxiety aspect. A lot of mine personally came from being closeted for so long, I felt that people looking at me would know my sexuality and judge me for it or if I told anyone they would think less of me. I tended to minimize myself as much as possible and not speak up too much or put anything out there that I thought would cause judgment. It helped me to remember that most people aren't going to care all that much/will forget within hours if you do or say something that you think is awkward. And if they do care, especially in college, it's a lot easier to avoid them. I'm not sure how large your campus is, but typically you'll encounter people that you'll never see again or they'll be too preoccupied in their own business to take much notice. It's a lot different from a closed high school environment. 

I definitely recommend bringing a friend with you if you think it will make you more comfortable. And again, a lot of the people in LGBTQ+ friendly spaces will either have experienced similar things themselves or at least know somebody who does so they'll be more understanding.  :smile:  Best of luck! 

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